Day 401

"This is all way beyond our maturity level."

Ben's exact words when we hung up the phone, after a very lengthy conversation with baby boy's birth father, last night.

I'll come back to that in a second, but first I have to share something with you about our faith.

I Corinthians 13 says:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Ben and I led a small group, within our church, not too long ago and we had t-shirts made that advertised the above verse on the back and "Live to Love" on the front. It became the focus of our group as we strategically made efforts to love the people around us at work, at home, and in our communities.

Casting Crowns wrote one of our favorite songs. The chorus sings:

If we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching

And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
Jesus is the way

Ben and I full-heartedly believe that as the Body of Christ, we should be living to love. All the time. Every situation, every encounter, should be viewed as an opportunity...as an opportunity to be Jesus. We don't ever want to be accused of not reaching...healing...teaching...going. We want our actions to show that Jesus is the way....

That being said. Nothing about this adoption process has been within our control...nothing. I don't know if it's our personalities...the leading of the holy spirit...a lifelong relationship with the Father...or simply, awe of the whole situation, but the minute we received "the call" from the agency, it has been easy to trust God. Which is ironic, given my sabbatical from talking to him...

I think deep down there was just an inner knowing in my heart that he had a plan.

I imagine that one of the blessings of adoption is the fact that we did not create this baby....he is not ours. Therefore, it is easy to trust God with his life - as we should. ALL children belong to the Lord, we are just given the privilege of taking care of them. So who am I to stand in the way of what God has planned....what he's doing...with his son? Because we're ignorant to finite details, we have to roll with the punches and trust that the Holy Spirit is guiding our steps.

Back to last night's phone conversation.

Up until two days ago we had yet to hear anything from the birth father. He asked to talk with us and we were more than willing. Last night, Ben's fingers dialed his number nervously, as my stomach did flip-flops. There is no manual for this, Take 5.

We had a great conversation.

I was so moved to compassion for this man. He cried through most of his words, explaining that although he couldn't take care of a newborn, he wanted his son to grow up knowing how much he cared. Without second guessing and only a few minutes of talking, we offered him all the privileges we've given to Rebekah (in regards to openness). We've spent months connecting with Rebekah and falling in love with her family. In a matter of one 60 minute phone conversation our hearts equally spilled for this man and his family. It can't be explained apart from our Father. At the end of our conversation he asked if we would be willing to come to his house for a family dinner, once the baby is born. It only took one knowing glance from Ben to say, "Absolutely. We'll be in town for 2-3 weeks, you're welcome to see baby boy as much as you'd like."

There are many details to the story that I don't feel at liberty to share, but the underlining thread screams God's redemption.

I was telling someone the story, this morning, and they said, "You agreed to a family dinner? Are you really gonna want to do that? It seems very awkward." In the recesses of my mind, I quietly heard, why is his love not showing them there is a way...

This story...our story...God's story...is so much bigger than us. Ben's right. We are dealing with issues way beyond our maturity level...but we're rolling with it. We continue to walk in complete peace. And I mean complete. I've written this before. I am not concerned; I have no worries; I do not feel threatened by the presence of baby boy's family in his life. I mean this kid has more parents, grandparents, and siblings than anyone I know - all wanting to share in his life. Who am I to deny such love?

We don't know what God's doing here, but we are leaving every opportunity open. This miracle baby boy will be a walking testimony. As his parents, it's our job to release him into God's potential for his life. We take our job seriously, even though we've yet to meet him. We know we're in uncharted waters...we know that our actions defy the natural. All we can do is strive for love, at all costs, and see what God will do.

Love never fails.