Thursday, April 19, 2012

At the Edge

[This post is extremely vulnerable. Please proceed with caution].

I went back to work today for some sanity. I, thankfully, work in an amazing community that encourages my role as mom. They are allowing me to work two days a week, so that I can focus most of my time at home.

I cried my entire way into work.

Not because I was sad about leaving, but because I've reached the edge.

I called our caseworker, first thing, and asked for the name of a child therapist.

We've hit a brick wall with some of LJ's behaviors and they seem to be emotionally tied to his development. Mentally, LJ is on track and a very quick study, but the emotional issues are causing him to retract and they overshadow so much of our day.

I've done everything I know to do as a parent and it's not enough. Everyone keeps saying that we have to follow our instincts....and my instincts say, we have some emotional needs that I am unqualified to handle (i.e I need some insight).

Our caseworker gave us some very sound advice and from everything I told her recommended that we allow LJ to regress. I cried at the mention of it.

As soon as she said it, I knew she was right, but the thought of moving backward to move forward seems like so much work.

She recommended that I rock and hold and love on LJ as if he were a newborn. She thinks the troubles I mentioned are deep-rooted attachment issues that can only be loved away with time and trust. In my head, I formulated a new plan for "Mommy and LJ time" that I hope will help with my bonding, too.

When we got off the phone, I sat at my desk and cried.

I'm just so tired.

I decided that getting out for lunch would be a good distraction and tried to will myself to want to shop. It didn't work, but God had an appointment for me.

I turned down the kitchen aisle and ran into a dear friend.

With care in her eyes, she asked how I was doing and I broke like a balloon.

I cried for so many reasons.

I cried for the loss I feel over the "normal", steady, quiet life we led, pre-LJ.

I cried because I hate who I am, right now, as a mother. I'm angry and resentful and frustrated. I'm trying so desperately not to let those emotions direct themselves toward LJ, but I'm not always successful.

I cried because I don't like this kid...and I don't want him in my house.

I know that's ugly.

I know that falls under the heart cries we, normally, keep to ourselves. But I can't. I'm open and real and brutally honest when people take the time to ask how we're doing.

I didn't realize how much I needed someone to listen. My sweet friend let me rant and cry - right in the middle of the department store.

I told her everything.

She didn't rebuke or judge or offer empty encouragement. She listened, intently, and then allowed the Holy Spirit to use her to speak direct lines to my heart. She encouraged me in my marriage and motherhood, reminding me of God's goodness and purpose. She challenged me to draw from the well and to steal away as many minutes as I can to be with the Lord, asking/begging Him to give me specific words throughout my day for my family. She reminded me to ask God for pictures of LJ's past; pictures that will give me insight into the areas he's struggling. She spoke promise over our family and said, "This boy will bring you great joy, Rebekah. One day you will thank God for him."

The physical and emotional squeeze she left me with, was God's gift to me, today.

I was so low. So tired. So frustrated.

Our case worker asked us this morning if we were still feeling confident in "our decision."

She didn't have to elaborate.

Everyday we question what we're doing and how on earth we thought we were prepared for this, but never have we questioned God's decision to bring LJ to our family. It's the only assurance that keeps us going. God chose adoption and God chose LJ. We merely said, "yes."

I was reminded, today, of the new name God is giving LJ. The label he is painting in blood over his life.

[Jeremiah 29:11 The Message]
I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home.

I know what I'm doing.

I have it all planned out -

Plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

 Mama took these words to heart, too. And replaced LJ's, Jeremiah, with "Rebekah."
Rebekah, I'll show up and take care of you.
I know what I'm doing.
My sweet child, I have it all planned out...
I have plans to take care of you, not abandon you, and plans to give you the future you hope for.
God sent two other people to me, today, to show me just how much he cares. What a mighty, mighty God I serve. He loves me despite my frustrations and weaknesses and reaches his hand from heaven in the times I need it most, saying, "You are my beloved."

I am so thankful for his love.

I am absolutely dependent on Him to teach me how to like and want to mother my son.

Please pray for us. God is stretching our hearts...and it's painful.












58 comments:

  1. Rebekah~ I think you saying what I have heard other adoptive mothers feel too and I think it will impact so many people. SO many moms go into adopting an older child with rose colored glasses...thinking it will be so FUN and love is all they need when in fact you have taken in a broken soul who is lost in the world. We let our son who came home at 2.5 regress. I rocked him and fed him a bottle. I laid with him many nights. I carried him ALOT and he was so very heavy. But he needed a mommy he could trust and count on to always be there for him. I can tell you, his aggression subsided after about 3 months and today, almost 2 years after coming home he is a delightful child who we cannot imagine our life without. But when you bring an older child in it does mess with your current systems which takes a lot of adjustment for everyone.

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    1. Thank you, Laurie! I appreciate your words more than you know. I am greatly encouraged to hear your success with regression. I am praying that it's the key to my boy's heart. The haunting hollowness behind his eyes is so sad at times...I also hope this will help me feel more like his mother. Rocking is such a quiet, intimate time.

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  2. Praying for you and anticipating the beauty to come. Blessings x

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  3. I will be praying for you. I have thought about you and your family so much and will keep praying for you. That is awesome you found someone to talk to and someone who will listen. I admire your willingness to allow God to stretch your hearts. I will be praying.

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  4. Rebekah,
    I don't know you personally, but I have followed your blog for a long time. I have admired your faith and your ability to answer God's call for your life-and now I can add that I admire your honestly in this post. I will be praying for you and your family tonight. I know that this change must be incredibly hard, but I can tell that you have an incredible family and support system. Remember that the way you feel today, is not the way that you will always feel. God has a better vision for our life than we do-and He is walking this path with you. May your family continue to be blessed.

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  5. I also agree with Laurie and your caseworker said about regression. Our oldest came to us at age one. I would never in my wildest dreams have known how much impact her 1st year would have on her (or us). At 6 1/2 there are still times when she is feeling stressed that she regresses to a child who needs to be held and who sucks on her "bobby" (the equivalent of a pacifier for her). The good thing is these times pass quickly now. She has gone from a child I struggled to say "I love you" to, to a child I truly love with all my heart. And more importantly....she is finally finding joy and peace within herself.

    I admire your remaining faithful to your "yes". God does have a plan for your future. :)

    I've said this before, but thanks again for sharing so honestly!! If I had been honest with how hard things were for us when we brought our oldest (who by the way was not our 1st) home, we likely would have found ways to help her/us sooner.

    I'll be holding your family in prayer!

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  6. You arent alone at all in what you are feeling, I adopted both my children.. a bit different circumstance as they are my husbands biological children. When my daughter started living with us full-time at 2 1/2 after having no consistencies at all prior and suffering abuse and neglect at the hands of her bio mother she was a lost soul, she was soo very hard to handle, I loved her soo much but I couldnt do anything to make her happy or help her behaviors get better. Ill admit it, I cried everyday, sometimes locking myself in another room away from her with my son just to get a break. My husband and I started talking to her doctor about everything, who then got her into play therapy where she excelled, we also learned about regression helping and started rocking her daily, cuddling, sometimes feeding her etc. She eventually was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder, but with therapy and consistency 2 years later she is a different child, one of the happiest children you could ever meet. My advice is just to hang in there and do what your doing with finding a child therapist, also talking about it really does help!

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  7. Big huge hugs, Rebekah. I'm sorry it's been so hard. I hope that the advice you were given really helps your son.

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  8. You are welcome, Rebekah!! It gets harder before it gets easier...but like you said with God guiding your path you CAN and WILL get through this. Here is the link to all my posts talking about our son Jayden's adoption. Scroll down and click on older posts to get to the posts where I talk about advocating for your foster child. http://adoptioncreatesfamilies.blogspot.com/search/label/Jayden%27s%20Adoption%20Story?updated-max=2011-07-27T12:04:00-07:00&max-results=20&start=4&by-date=false

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  9. I haven't been reading your blog for very long but I admire your honesty. I'm a teacher and have seen kids who haven't been fortunate enough to find a mom like you to love them and teach them how to trust. I can only guess how difficult it must be to be in your shoes. LJ is a lucky little boy to be put into your lives.

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  10. Praying for you, my sweet friend. You are surrounded by a cloud of angels, plus the rest of us.

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  11. Thank you for being honest. Praying for your family.

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  12. Thank you for your honesty. It is soooo hard parenting these hurt children. I have experienced every emotion one can feel with my two older adopted children, so I completely understand. (((hugs))) to you and I will be praying for you and your family.

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  13. you don't know me, but I've been following your blog for a while. I wish you PEACE and LOVE. This too shall pass. <3

    Bless you for being open and honest. <3

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  14. I am not religious but I am humbled by your honestly and compassion.

    I could not do what you are doing, simply could not.

    Hoping that things are better soon.

    Jen

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  15. If there's ANY ONE thing that you KNOW to be true about God...it's His character. He cannot lie. He is FAITHFUL! Trust Him. It's a time of breaking out of our comfort zone and stepping blindly into the plans HE has for us. It's about faith. You (and LJ) are in the palm of His hand. Rest in knowing you don't HAVE TO know what's going to happen next...HE IS IN CONTROL!!! Should we take only the good from God but curse Him when times get tough? Let Him write LJ's story... It's only the beginning. HE IS FAITHFUL!!!

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  16. I am praying for each one of you in your family as you go through this adjustment. It will impact each one of you differently. I don't have any advice to give you except to trust in our Lord. Even when the skies are grey, the sun will shine again. Thank you for loving that little boy- even if you don't always like him right now.

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  17. Three months ago 2 very angry little boys came to my home. These children who I felt called to care for and love had me hating the angry person I was becoming. However, in 2 months it was like night and day. I would like to tell you what I did so well, but I just prayed a lot, and my family prayed, and my friends prayed. I fell to my knees while they screamed and I prayed. I still pray on the bad days that God will give me compassion and He does. The boys are doing amazing in spite of my failures. It's true... His Power is made perfect in our weakness. I will be praying tonight!

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  18. You have a big heart that is stretching and growing. Give it time. Don't rush yourself. LJ us blessed to have you. By showing him live, trust and security he will come around too. I think that's the best advice. Rock him and hold him. Cuddle with him. Praying for you. Prayi g for peace and strength.

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  19. Oh hun. Your honesty is beautiful. Your words are hard to read. Your experience is unimaginable to those of us who have not walked in your shoes. I know without a doubt that I would face these same challenges - and probably not so openly. As a therapist for children just like LJ, I also agree with your plan and your caseworker's ideas about regression...if falls back on attachment theory and on Erikson's psychociocial stages - trust vs. mistrust being the very first stage we must get through. If a child does not have the secure relationship he needs to master this stage, all other stages do not develop appropriately. Think of it as the necessary foundation for every building. It has to be there. I also think that if you feel open to it and feel like it could help, you should seek a therapist that specializes in infant mental health and trauma. Because I am from Michigan, I still can network for you to find that resource. Michigan is the national (and world) leader in Infant Mental Health - the resources are rich there. If I can help in any way, I hope you still have my email or you know how to find me on facebook and you can message me. Both you and LJ (and Ben and Ty) need a space to process all of this - a therapist could be this for you all. Just reading this post was an emotional journey for me. Thank you for writing. We are all here for you and will be praying for you!

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  20. Angel friend, i wish i could come over to make you a cup of tea. the rocking is the same as 'staylistening'. i sent the link before, but just google staylistening - its amazing. and God is greater than all of this and yes, he knows. be still and know that I am God xx

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  21. You have every right to feel this way. . . and believe it or not, I think a lot of adoptive parents do. My son came home at 10 months so we didn't have all the issues you are dealing with, but we still had plenty of issues. And let me tell you. . . it's hard to love a child who pushes you away, and who has so many behavioral issues. And sometimes, it just takes time. LJ has a lot of hurt, pain and trust issues to get over, and this will take time. And in the meantime, you are finding all the resources available to really help your family, and that is wonderful. Thinking of you.

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  22. YES I agree let his regress!!!! That's what we had to do with our daughter. She really had no babyhood. She also would not eat real food except crackers. So we rocked her, fed her babyfood, continue to sleep in a crib (her prior foster family still had her in a crib at 34mths), and tried our hardest to give her stability. Eventually she made progress.... Big girl bed, potty trained, real food, etc!! Now she's ten and so much better. She still has some catch up to do but letting her regress was the best option and she learned to trust us and let us love her !!

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  23. You are in my thoughts. How are your husband and Ty doing with all of this?

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  24. So glad you ran in to your friend who encouraged you so well. Having someone to call on during these first months is important. Whether it's her or another mom who has been there and done that.
    When we brought home our 20 month old I wore her all the time and she loved it. We didn't need to regress with her but I have heard it is what is best. In my understanding if you let him regress a little now it won't take him long to get back on track developmentally.
    Toddler Adoption a Weaver's Craft is a good book if you find any time to read.

    We had our foster girls with us for 20 weeks and there were more days that I wanted them gone then not. It's hard. Don't stop working on that bond. I'm sure you already have some attachment activities in mind but just thought I'd share this site. http://a4everfamily.org/ It has a list of activities to help promote attachment.

    God brought you here and He'll bring you through it. Thanks for being honest, it does help so many others are worried they are the only ones who experience this.

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  25. I love you. I believe in you and in Ben. The fact is...He has your back. How crazy amazing is that? That GOD has your back?? You can do this. I can't imagine how difficult this road may be...but He has your back. xo

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  26. I am adopted. I was adopted at 12 years old. I felt the same way you do, except about my new family. I did not like them, was not "Thankful" (as everyone tries to make adoptive parents feel like they rescued a freaking puppy) I was frustrated and felt like the system i had before, the me making my own decisions and taking care of myself without rules, was a fine system that was working for me. I only say this to tell you that it goes both ways and to hear someone talk about the actual emotion that comes along with adoption and wonderful and refreshing. I love my family now, but there was an adjustment period. It was daisies and flowers. God had his plan. He knew what was right for everyone involved, but the hurt that happened in my life before didn't get erased by putting me in a new environment. You've got this! God is who is in charge of this, you just have to follow along. Begin to pray with LJ and over him while he sleeps. Pray for him out loud when he is acting out in ways you do not like. It will bring on a righteous anger toward Satan, who has made this little boys life the way it is today, and who has allowed the hurt that is in his life to come to pass. It makes me so happy to know he has someone who is willing to beat down the doors of hell of his behalf, because the real enemy here is the devil who has tried to snuff Lj's joy before his life even began! God I pray right now that LJ will know the power of your love even at his young age. I thank you that he is YOURS! He is covered in prayers and his heart is marked for you! Amen!

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    1. jennifer, you give me hope for my daughter.

      thank you.

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    2. dang that was awesome!!!!

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  27. After having 4 bio kids, we adopted our daughter from China when she was almost 4. She was deeply attached to foster grand-parents, and was not happy to have me as a mama. And I was not happy to be her mama. I didn't feel the same toward her as I did toward our other kids. It was not pretty.

    5 years later, here's my take. This is a marathon, not a sprint. You are not going to do everything right, you are not going to be perfect, no matter how hard you try. You can not make yourself have feelings for LJ, that's God's job. You go through the motions as best you can, God will eventually provide the feelings you want to have.

    Cling to God, cling to your husband. The parenting doesn't all have to be done at once. You have years and years to get it right with LJ.

    One little note, there are a lot of opinions out there about co-sleeping with the newly adopted child. My experience has been that it makes for tired mamas, tired children and unhappy husbands. It's hard to make good decisions during the day when you are so sleep-deprived. IMO, bond during the day, sleep at night. For whatever it's worth :)

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  28. I just wanted to say that I respect and admire your honesty and open heart so very much. As an adoptive mother of a 3 yr old who came to us at birth, I can only imagine the challenges of your feelings for LJ vs Ty and how to manuever your way through all of it. I believe LJ is right where he belongs because I don't know anyone who would be fighting/loving through it all as much as you are. Praying for you all ~ it truly is amazing that God places certain people in our lives exactly when we need them.

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  29. As a woman who is about to finish her foster licensure and is waiting for what lies ahead, THANK YOU. Thank you for your honesty which will remind me that I am not alone in the struggles to come. I look forward to seeing how the Lord works through you and your husband. When He told us to care for the needy, He never said that it would be easy. He will reward your faithful hearts.

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  30. praying for you and holding your story close to my heart <3.

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  31. My son was adopted at 21 months. He is now 15 years old. Your words sounded so familiar. There were so many times, especially in the beginning, where we just wanted him gone. His constant crying and negative behavior had such an impact on our other child. On our home. On our family. Our house became a sad place. But when ever I would think of "sending him back" I would fear all the negative thoughts people would have about me, about our family....to return a CHILD, who does that???
    And the thing is we love him, we love him so, so much. But the trauma BEFORE us "broke" him badly. We let him regress, we held him, we gave him stability and tons of love, therapy...but it never healed his wounds.
    Now, the issues are again changing and they are getting scary. To put it mildly, he has started regressing again at age 15. We are now considering residential treatment...something our family has NEVER ever imagined. EVER. But we are simply out of options.
    Do we wish we never kept him, no. But do we wish his past trauma didn't shape our family in so many ways...well, yes. In hind sight, I wish there was a greater age between our kids...so his issues wouldn't become our other child's issues. And maybe our son should have been placed an only child. To have such a sad child around our other child was heartbreaking on so many levels.
    It has been almost 13 years of struggle. But we do love him. And it is not a matter of "he is worth it." Yes, he is worth it. But in reality he (my son)may never be okay.Right now the priority is trying to make him as happy as HE can be. The stress has crippled our family in many ways. If only "wanting" him and "loving" him were enough....
    You are very smart to get professionals involved. Maybe consider allowing them to work with Ty too, because his world is also forever changed.
    Best wishes. Hang in there.

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  32. I know soooo much of all of these feelings! We thought that our son would have to be in our home for YEARS before his behaviors broke. Just want to encourage you that there does seem to be a six month benchmark that many foster kids experience. I have seen it over and over again that after six months(ish), they begin to realize that you are for real and that they are in a solid home (along with your reassurances). Most of the acting out has to do with their lack of solidity with anything at all. No roots. Very rocky past. Do these people really love me? I just want you to know that I have been there. Very tired. Very resentful. Very much questioning our decision. And now to encourage you that there is another side to it all AND it often comes in a shorter time frame than it seems it will be. Also, a lot of what therapists do at this age is pat you on the back and say you are doing what you are supposed to be doing (when you are making the great parenting choices you are). They don't really walk kids through anything deeply emotional at this point in their development and young age. Later on they do, but for now they focus on what you can do to help him solidify in your home and parenting techniques (which you are already doing). I hope this all encourages you in some way.

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  33. Rebekah, I'm praying for you and your family. I can't imagine how difficult this must be and appreciate how honest and open you are with your experiences on your blog. I know God will give you the grace and strength to get through this time. Praying for the peace that passes all understanding for you now. :)

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  34. Have you read" the connected child"? Just a thought for a resource. Blessings

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    1. As a matter-of-fact, I'm about half way through it. It's a GREAT resource!

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  35. I hope things work out but do not wait too long if you decide that he is not the right fit into your family because it will make it worse for everyone all around. I am not saying that to seem cruel but sometimes the damage that was already done can not make things work into your family. Tread lightly. It would be a shame if you adopt this little boy and a few years down the road regret your decision. This could make the teen years hell. I am looking at two young lads just getting ready to go into their teens who are having a hard time adjusting to younger adopted sibling. All 4 children are adopted by a single mother.

    Nicky

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    1. He's staying! We are confident that God is working our family together for His good! :)

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    2. I hope it does all work for you, however you are in control of this and not God.

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  36. I am absolutely praying for you, Ben, Ty, and LJ. What you are experiencing is completely NORMAL. And how LJ is acting is completely NORMAL for a child who has been through what he has in his short little life. Your caseworker is absolutely correct. He needs to be able to regress and learn that you will take care of ALL of his needs that weren't met when he was younger. Also, remember that many parents feel resentment towards a new child - even if they gave birth to them! - when it disrupts the quiet life they had with just one other child. Its hard to see their first born adjust to life not revolving around them and to not be able to spend the quality time they used to spend with that first child. But soon, Ty will adjust to his world as Big Brother and LJ will bond with you and Ben as his parents. May God grant you faith and perseverance during these early weeks and months together. Please email me if there is anything I can do...

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  37. That post was beautiful and so honest. How could you guys not be feeling all of those feelings right now? YOU are so wise to pray and lean on God. I love when I feel like God puts the perfect person in my life at the PERFECT time. Also, enlisting the help from a therapist is probably crucial to helping you and LJ. I really cannot imagine you guys not having some help and some trained insight for everybody involved- even sweet Ty.

    You are beautiful inside and out.
    Love and hugs from Chicago,
    AmyW

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  38. I love you more just reading this!! I love your honesty. Sometimes love takes time. Im convinced that love is a choice....and you have chosen to love LJ....the feelings of love will follow...eventually. You are a beautiful beautiful person Rebekah. I miss you, and I wish I was there to cry with you! Love and support from affar!

    Rebekah

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  39. we're in painful stretch, too. good, wonderful, hard, refining & awesome painful stretch.

    thank you for this.

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  40. Yes, yes, yes. We did all of the attachment stuff when our daughter first came home at almost 2. We continued with it but eventually were able to phase it out. About a year after not needing a bottle, we found we had to reintroduce it with rocking and lots of love...and it was SOOOO great. It made me so sad to have to do it but some pretty big feelings came out that we didn't know were in there and we were able to work through it. She didn't regress for long and didn't need the bottle for long. Just needed it to work through those issues. You're doing a great job!

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  41. She spoke promise over our family and said, "This boy will bring you great joy, Rebekah. One day you will thank God for him."

    i so needed to hear this today. our stretch has been painful for some time. His promise is a good one.

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  42. I am so sorry you are feeling this. I have been there, and am still there from time to time. You are not alone.

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  43. Beautiful post and the honesty is wonderful. Knowing nothing of the do's and don't's I am curious on what the advice is regarding changing the name of a child who has had a rotten past. On one hand it seems as though a new name might signify a new start in life and begin to have its own happy memories attached and not trigger any old memories when used. On the other hand, does it do damage to their sense of self/identity? I just wondered if that was something they advise for or against. Regardless, I will be praying right along with you for progress for everyone.

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  44. Thank you for your honesty and transparency! I can relate in many ways, and it is comforting to know that I'm not alone in many of the feelings of inadequacy. Praising God that He is our strength when we are weak, and with Him there is full redemption!

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  45. You most definitely are not alone. I've felt this way too, and it is lonely. God gave you people to help you; your post seems to have helped many. What a blessing. Thank you!

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  46. If the millions of comments above don't tell you, let me; You are blessing so many lives with your writing. My sister is just starting out with foster care. She has a friend who shared with her the link to this post. We were on our way to photograph a wedding and she asked me to reread it to her from her phone. I am so glad she did! We sat in the parking lot crying for a minute because of how beautifully your put into words the feelings you have had, the hope you hold on to, and the love that He has for us. And we identified with you in different ways, but we understood and appreciated your words of hope. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. :)

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  47. I needed this today. I am feeling the same way and I have felt like a terrible mother all day because of it. Thank you for your honesty. Praying for you guys!

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  48. I had a somewhat similar experience when my youngest came home. One thing that helped (it helped me mostly, but maybe him also!) was that I committed to telling him I loved him about 10 times every day. I would get as close as he could tolerate, with eye contact if he could handle it. It may sound ridiculous but I was desperate to convince him and myself of that truth. It's been about a year since I committed to that (and obviously other therapies too) and today he is the most loving and expressive of all my kids. He often will just come up to any member of our family and say "I love you ___!" Sure he still has some mild behavioral issues, but we turned a corner starting with that "technique."
    Blessings to you on your journey. I am praying for healing for your little man.

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  49. Oh goodness....a sweet friend sent me this link today and it truly was a God-send! I needed to hear it, to read it, and to know that there are OTHER people out there that are going through the same thing.

    We are fostering a sibling group of 3: 4, 2 and just turned 1. We've had them almost 8 months now. The baby was seriously abused, and in healing his body, we've bonded so closely with him. But it's HARDER fostering children! The 2 year old has such serious allergies and eczema, it's an HOUR.LONG.PROCESS every SINGLE night that he cries and whines through the entire time. It's hard mentally and emotionally and physically to go through these nightly rituals and I'm tired. I'm tired in my HEART. The 4 year old is so used to doing whatever she wants, she doesn't like discipline and correction. It's a constant battle. It's EXHAUSTING. Some nights I just go to bed and CRY. It's just so MUCH trying to parent 6 children.

    But we know this is what God has called us to do. And it's scary most of the time. Just plain scary. We'll have to make the "official" decision soon to adopt them all or let them all go and that is heart wrenching. We've bonded so closely with the baby, going through emergency brain surgery to save his life will do that. But it's been so much harder with the older ones. But there isn't anyone to take them or who wants them, and how could we let them go back into the system...it's such a HARD job.

    I just needed to read your post tonight to bolster my spirit and remind me that He did guide us specifically to these children....and He isn't leaving us.

    Thank you so much for your post!

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  50. I just stumbled upon your blog and think I need to bookmark it! Thank you for your honesty. I have been there as well. May I suggest a parenting paradigm that really helped my husband and me with our son? It's called Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control. Huge focus on relationship and bonding with a traumatized child, who may be 5 yrs. old, but is emotionally 1 or 2 yrs. old. Absolutely let your son "regress" because that is probably his emotional age and doing so will fill the love tank that maybe wasn't filled before. I will be praying for your boy. I can also tell you that my relationship with God has grown by leaps and bounds through our problems with our son (who is doing very well now). I pray that God refines you through this process and that you continue to know of his great love for you and your son. Blessings to your family!

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  51. we are just beginning the adoption process and I so much appreciate the honesty with which you tell your story. I need to go into it knowing just because God has called us to it, doesn't mean it will be easy!

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