Saturday, June 27, 2009

Random Thoughts from a New Adoptive Mom

I don't know how all you moms get inventive newborn shots...Mine wasn't taken with my creativity...I did manage to get 1 semi-cute one:
I often heard birthing mothers say, "The moment you see that sweet face, you forget. You forget the pain and are consumed with overwhelming love..." It's absolutely true. When I look at Ty, every painful year and aching tear is if it never existed.

Motherhood is easier than I dreamed it to be. One day we weren't a family and the next day we were. It was normal and right...I can't explain it beyond that...

Contrary to all expectations, I am one laid back mom. It's been the biggest surprise of motherhood, so far, due to the freak that exists in most parts of my life -organizational, clean, perfection, etc. The paci falls in the dirt, I rub it off and shove it back in...I don't see the need for sterilization and I'm not particular on who holds him or touches his face. I maintain an "it's all good" attitude most of the time. Maybe it's because I've been a mama in my heart for so long...

The lack of sleep has definitely been the biggest adjustment. I'm fairing much better than my Ben. I don't like getting up every 4-5 hours (we take shifts), but once I'm up I love every moment. Ty's wild-haired head cradles into the nook of my neck and makes time stand still.

I once prided myself in personal grooming disciplines, which have now been all but obliterated. The pony is my new best friend and I can't live without anit-frizz's the perfect shower replacement.

Everything takes longer. Eating, getting ready, walking out the door, blogging...Inevitably taking care of Ty takes over!

It's as if no one has ever adopted before. Seriously. We've run into a lot of hassle from checking out of the hospital, blood work at the health department, insurance confusion, picking up a prescription, etc.

We have yet to receive any paperwork from the agency, proving our custodianship, making these issues worse.

There's only been one's really difficult to go through the most exciting, emotional time of your life not surrounded by friends and family.

Many have asked...we have to stay here until Michigan's interstate adoption council approves us to come home. It could be two days or two way to know. The average wait time is one week from termination (which would be this coming, Tuesday). We're praying for the call early next week.

Baby Ty. Need I say more? We are living every moment...Here are some of my favorites:

Pediatrician said, "He's adopted? He looks just like you!"

Me to Ben: Honey, I'm holding a baby in my arms...our baby... [tears]

Ben to Ty: "Dude, we can get through this..." while getting him dressed (Ty's not a big fan)

I love family cuddle time - oh, let's say - around 6am every morning...I love the little hand that curls around my shoulder when it's burp time...I love feeling his heartbeat on my chest and the rythm of his breathing on my cheek...I love kissing his lips when he starts to wail...and touching his face as he sleeps...

My all time favorite [new] joy comes when I'm holding baby and I start talking...He immediately finds my eyes and holds the stare until he falls asleep. It's as if his little heart is saying...Thank you. Thank you for waiting...for enduring all the pain...all the heartache...all the drugs and shots...all the empty answers...all the barren years...for enduring the endless supply of surrounding pregos...for holding other babies, but praying for me...for pushing through the darkness...for opening your heart...for driving 23 hours (18 in one night) to come for me...for loving my first mom more than yourself...for never giving up.

Thank you for never giving up...

If you are a waiting, adopting mom...Never never never give up [W. Churchill]. One day, your newborn, too, will thank you with his eyes. And you will never be the same.


  1. Thanks for those words at the end. Today I felt like giving up :( This is so hard. I'm always waiting to hear what the birth family is thinking. I'm always scared that they are going to change their minds. Some days are so hard, but seeing you with your little boy gives me hope that we will have our baby girl soon.

  2. Thank you for one of the sweetest posts ever!

  3. Hi Rebekah,

    I am the other Rebekah's cousin and I am so enjoying reading both of your blogs.

    I am so thankful that God specially chose you to be little Ty's mommy. You and Ben are such a blessing. Welcome to the family! :)

    By the way, I am sharing your blog with a friend of mine who is waiting for her baby girl from China and praying that through your words it will give her strength for the wait and hope for the future.

    God bless your new, precious little family.


  4. Beautifully written Rebekah! (As usual!) I'm still checking the blog a little obsessively; I believe it is because of your "disappointment" point. We too would love to be sharing in this time with you! I keep thinking, once you get home the time you spent there won't be remembered by the frustrations, but will be recalled as the most incredible bonding time for you, Ben and Ty! A time when the distractions of your "normal" world were literally states away, and a time to focus on baby heart and his first mom. As much as we all want to lay our eyes and get our hands on your child, we are content to give you your've waited so long. :)
    I can't say it enough--he is so sweet and beautiful! I can't wait to know him! Can't wait to see you with him. Can't wait to give you and Ben a ginormous hug and welcome you home! But I will wait...and thank God for all of the above, and this blog!! :)
    Love you.

  5. God bless your heart, Rebekah. You are a beautiful women. I praise the Lord for your life and testimony.

  6. What a beautiful post. And if I wrote even a quarter as well as you do, I would have said so many of the same words about our own journey...the feelings and thoughts, though 5 years old, are brought back to my mind as if they were yesterday!

    Congratulations, once again...and prayers for those who are waiting.

  7. I want to comment on everything you wrote, but C is about to go down for a nap and I have like .5 seconds before a meltdown. Beautiful post!!

    1) We ran into a lot of bumps, too. The hospital wouldn't give us info without a letter from the attorney advising them to do so, our ped here in ATL had C listed under the BM's last name which totally messed up insurance, we had a hard time getting her on our insurance, we had an issue at the cardiologist's office, etc. SO FRUSTRATING. DEMAND that your agency get you a letter asap stating that as of ___ date the child was placed with you until finalization. We waved that letter around for months.

    2) It's hard being w/o friends and family, but in retrospect, that ALONE bonding time was SO important. When we got home, life got nuts and we REALLY needed that quiet, bonding time as a family. It is hard, but I promise you'll look back fondly on this time.

    3) I can't remember what I was going to say.

  8. I would be dying if my family couldn't be there with me! I imagine that's tough... Here's hoping all the "i"s are dotted and "t"s are crossed quickly and you can bring him home sooner than later...

  9. You nailed all the emotions that we felt those first precious months. It's an adjustment, but it's AWESOME!

  10. thank you so much for the encouragement you give to moms-in-waiting like me. i'm so incredibly happy for you and your beautiful new family! :)

  11. I am just so beyond happy for y'all! He is precious!

  12. Oh Rebekah, he is just so precious in that little basket. :) What a sweetheart.


  13. What a great post. I have tears in my eyes. I have often heard that all the pain of infertility goes away the minute you adopt. Now that you have said it, I believe it is true.

    I am so scared that my husband will not agree to adopt after we go to our meeting. Thank you for your words of comfort at the end of your post. I hope and dream that they will apply to me soon.

  14. Very sweet post R :) I hope you're able to get home soon.

  15. Hi there! My friend, Kristen W. told me about your blog and I have been following along for months now. This is my first time commenting, I just have to...I cry almost every time I read your posts. You have such an amazing heart. I struggled with fertility issues and was able to get pregnant with some help - we had a baby girl on Dec 24, 2007. She is our JOY. I still feel a connection with others who have had fertility issues and I enjoy reading adoption stories so much. Baby Ty is so adorable and he fits right into your family so perfectly!

  16. Rebekah, you are such an incredible writer! You express everything so well!
    I am reliving memories of bringing my son home after 7 long years of darkness and pain. Thank you for allowing me to remember how wonderful that time was and that is was all soooooo worth it!

    Ty is gorgeous!
    Praying you go home soon!! Had some friends who adopted here in Tx. and had to wait out the time to return home to PA. Happened within a week but, like you, they didn't know how long it could have been. That time too will be so worth it!!

    And the paperwork from the agency........I don't understand that? We didn't leave the hospital with either of our children without the placement documents from our agency. Hope you get that soon!! Surely you will have to before you leave with him!

  17. What a great post! I hope you are able to come home soon. It's so much more comforting to be in your own surroundings.

    I'm glad someone else has trouble adjusting to no sleep like I did! The 1st three months are the hardest. I felt sane again after my sleep was restored.

    God bless!

  18. Beautiful Rebekah, I am wiping the tears!

    A friend told me once that you can commit years to trying to conceive and you may never have a child, but with adoption, no matter how long the journey may take you- you WILL one day be a mother, if you never give up.

    Such true words!!

  19. This is such a sweet post. Makes all things in life seem possible. I just finished bawling my eyes out to the movie Juno and came here to find some ever positive encouragement. Oh and of course adorable pictures of Ty. I happen to agree, he resembles you and Ben. Perfection at its finest.

  20. I can't wait until you get to share him with family and friends and I love you sharing him with blogland...he's a beauty!

  21. Missing you LOTS... I can;t believe he is two weeks old and I have yet to lays eye on him in person. Love you friend and can't wait for you to be home. He is adorable.

  22. Words soooo TRUE and so clse to my own heart! Blessings.

  23. Perfect words for the best feeling in the world = being a mommy after a VERY long, heartbreaking wait.

  24. So sweet! And I think your newborn photo shoot looked great! I have never been very creative with those! Love seeing all the pictures!!

  25. Yes yes yes yes!! Beautifully put, Rebekah! Just beautiful!! I could have written this post! It is simply amazing! I, too, am a laid back mom in many ways that I didn't think I would be. The only thing is that I am total baby HOG! I don't care who touched or cuddles R, but give her back asap, please!! I mean, NOW! Hehe!

    Being a mom is the greatest joy. You can't even put it into words. I truly feel that my wait and struggle to get here allows me to be the best mom I can be and allows me to soak up ever moment (even those three am feedings!) with joy!

    Congratulations again. I can't wait for you guys to be able to enjoy the joys of family in your own home!

  26. Thank you for those words. Some days are so difficult, they are unbearable. I often lose faith that our day will come. I panic at the "what if" of not seeing our dream come true.

  27. Your blog today filled my eyes with tears. You'll want to keep a copy of that in a special place. I wrote a love note for each of my kids in their first week, to remember my absolute passion for them and awe at how wonderful they were. This can be yours. Mom

  28. Not giving up! Not ever!

    Love to you and your sweet lil guy!

    And I hope home comes soon!

  29. I love that the pediatrician said he looks just like you... I've thought the same thing and meant to tell you... what a sweet blessing. :)

    I love the line about Ben dressing Ty... it's that instant boy bond between dads and sons! Awesome for the mom to witness!

    I love to hear that you've become a laid back mom, contrary to all expectations... I feel the exact same about myself, and it is MUCH more enjoyable this way.

    And especially, I LOVE the conversations that are already taking place between you and Ty. He will one day know how deeply you love him and how desperately you waited for him... and how he erased your pain with his first tiny cry!

    Can't WAIT for you to come home! Hope it's this week!

  30. i am glad you are doing so well being mom! i love that you are laid back and I love that you love your alone time with him in the middle of the night, and I love Ben telling him "dude, we can get through this"

    it has been a long wait, but every second was worth it :)

  31. The pics of Ty are adorable! Love the last paragraph under 'Joys'. Our children make everything worthwhile--even the happy times seem so much more wonderful when sharing them with our children. I'm an adoptive mom too, and have experienced much of what you are going through at this time. I pray that you'll get the approval very soon, and be able to head back to your home state.

  32. Beautiful post and beautiful baby!

  33. Beautiful entry.

    I hope all the "T"s are crossed and "i"s dotted very soon so you can go home and be surrounded by loving family and friends. You are doing so well the 3 of you - marvelously in fact! I'm so happy for you.


  34. I love the last line here...that is a perfect summary of how it's been with Charlie too. Sometimes I look into his eyes, and there is a deep connection he knows just how long it's been, and how much we've longed for him.

    I love reading your new mommy thoughts, and still just can't get over how happy I feel for you!!



  35. Thanks for your words at the end. That's what I needed to hear.

  36. Those words in your post are oh so true! I can remember faintly how the days were so long and dark adn I went from med to med and doctor to doctor with the hopes of having a child and the countless doors that were closed with no answers!! I adventually had a son and then suffered infertility again and the day my daughter was placed in my arms the pain was a distant again!! Adoption is a wonderful and beautiful journey! COngrats again and I'll pray you can go home soon! I know it was so hard for me when I picked my daughter up in Guatemala because my family was MILES away and couldn't be there to share the time with her!

  37. Thank for all of the insight! I so look forward to your posts. And we will never give up either! You're such an inspiration. :)

  38. Rebekah,
    THANK YOU for the words "from Ty" at the end of this post. I couldnt have said it better (which is only part of the reason I snagged the quote and posted it on my blog....hope its okay that I linked you!). I just couldnt have said it better and I totally know what you mean/what Ty means :)
    Congratulations, again! Motherhood looks great on you!!!!!!

  39. yes. yes.
    i share all of this with you.
    all of it.

    your new family of three is scrumptious.

    love, boho girl
    {another new adoptive mommy to baby cedar, born november 22nd, 2008}

  40. You are beautiful!! So thankful to encounter you thru Heart Cries. Do you live in MI or does Rebekah? (I'm a Michigander)