Sunday, May 31, 2009

Day 399

You probably don't remember the words I wrote on Day 218...but I do. They've been haunting.

Every time I write the journal entry day I hope and pray that I never get to Day 400...the number holds no significance beyond the fact that I can't imagine holding out that long...But I suppose if you asked me on day 6, how I would feel on Day 218, I wouldn't have been able to imagine it either...

Tomorrow is Day 400. I can't believe we've made it this far. I got this little pamphlet in the mail, "Hope for the Journey" when I applied for the Shaohannah's Hope grant [still haven't heard]. I was cleaning some stuff out and found it. I rifled through it before tossing it in the trash, and a sentence caught my eye..."Prepare for this to be harder than you imagined." I'm not sure how you do that...but we sure weren't prepared. This has definitely been harder than I ever could have imagined.

It may be Day 399, but I wouldn't change a thing (except maybe our agency!). We're getting so close... We leave in 13 days and baby boy will be born in 18. Wow.

The birth father was served [that sounds so harsh to me] and has been in correspondence with the agency. His reaction to the adoption was surprising...but I'm encouraged. His now girlfriend told him she would stand by him no matter what he decided, but he said he wasn't prepared to take care of a newborn. He signed the papers, but didn't want to mail them until he first talked to Rebekah, to make sure this is really what she wanted, and he wants to talk to us.

Rebekah talked to him last night and he was cordial. He asked if she knew anything about us (which made both of us laugh....she knows everything about us.) He also inquired about receiving pictures and updates. Apparently, we have a phone conference with him and the agency tomorrow (We have yet to hear about said conference - gotta love this agency!)

Talking to him will be awkward for sure, but I want what's best for our son. I think about it constantly. One day he's going to ask about his birth father (I don't think we'll get as many questions about Rebekah because of our relationship) and I want to be able to tell him that his birth father wanted what was best for him. That he talked/met us and talked things over with Rebekah. I think it's great that he wants pictures and I'm happy to send them, for as long as he wants. It shows that he cares. We haven't seen any indication of that, yet, and I know it's going to mean a lot to baby boy. What a harsh reality it would be to know that your father signed over his rights without ever asking a single question...

I have had a lot of people question my lack of worry. People just don't seem to understand that I feel no threat from Rebekah or our relationship...or the emerging feelings from the birth father. I know God is in control. I also know this is our son. I am 100% sure that we'll be bringing this baby boy home - no doubts attached. When God speaks, he doesn't take back words. He has spoken to my heart and Rebekah and I both are in complete peace. God is weaving our families together and I love her family as if they were my own.

We meet again in a couple of weeks, some for the first time. It will not only be a celebration of new life; it will be a celebration of a new family. I don't know all that God is doing...but I have some ideas. Our story does not end on June 18th...and I hope you'll continue to follow it. This is only the beginning, as God's incredible grace and redemption start to seep through the seams of our story and lives.

Stay tuned...


  1. Such GOOD news on here all the time these days! What a journey it has been thus far, I cannot wait to watch it continue to unfold. Wow.

    I too felt 100% sure that our baby girl's birthmother would place her with us in the end, and she did. She is now two years old and I cannot imagine a day without her as ours. Looking forward to seeing Baby Boy, Rebekah and you and Ben at the hospital!! What a miracle it will be. And I really can't wait to find out his name!

  2. Oh, what a journey. I will be following forever! Your story is so inspiring and touching. Filled with overflowing love~

  3. so glad you do not have to go too many days past 400. God is so good. Canb;t wait to meet baby boy and see you holding him in your arms for the first time. love you

  4. You are so inspiring. I have no doubt that baby boy will be in your arms. Your spirit and faith are such an amazing thing. I will continue to support you, pray for you and follow your journey.

  5. Hi Rebekah, I have been following you for a while, but haven't commented. I am so excited for you and your family! As the wife of a man who was adopted at birth and knows nothing of his birth parents, I am so grateful that you will have all of the answers for your son, that you will be able to fill in the blanks for him when he is ready. Can't wait for updates as you get closer and closer to the big day.

  6. How wonderful---just 18 days! I can't wait to see the first pictures of when he comes home!

  7. So happy to hear the good news about the Birth father. As I read your post a vision flooded my mind of how blessed this little man already is. To have so many who love him and give thanks for his life! Wouldn't it be cool if when you go there for the birth to have a HUGE Thanksgiving meal? Giving thanks for not only you new little Man but also for the new relationships and family God has given you both! Continuing to pray for your growing family! Looking forward to rejoicing in his birth with you!!

  8. I went through the same thing...where others were worried and we weren't. I found out after my family was all talking (not telling me of course) about how nervous they were when Sam was born and she had 3 days to sign the papers. I found this out later! God Bless and good luck on Bdad visit.

  9. I am so thrilled for you that you get to know some about and at least talk to your baby boy's birth father. I think as adoptive parents we all want to give our babies as much of a story as possible. I will be praying for your phone coversation and for peace for you all in the midst of it.
    I have been truly blessed by following your story. Congrats on day 400!

    As far as being harder than you will just make it MORE wonderful when you hold that sweet boy. :)

  10. I had a nice, long comment typed to you and my connection died.

    I do actually remember your day #218 post, and I was wondering if you would bring it up again now that day 400 is here. I'm so glad that you met your match well before that date!

    Good luck with the birth father conversation tomorrow. I'm sure it must be nerve wracking, and it will be awkward...but you have a great attitude. I definitely agree with you that it will be better to have a few answers for baby boy (when the time comes,) than to have no information. That is one aspect of C's story that I'm still a little sad about, but it is what it is...

    I love that you have that feeling of deep inner peace. I know exactly what you mean regarding that. We are at the tail end of our waiting period for C. and while I have had some tiny jitters, I have a deeply rooted feeling that it is all going to be OK, because I KNOW C. is our son. I'm so glad you have that feeling too, and I absolutely cannot wait to see your beautiful baby boy!!



  11. You are exactly right, God IS in control. He always has been, and always will be.

  12. This is SUCH an exciting time! I am so amazed at the work God is doing in your lives. And I thank Him for leading me to your blog...your words encourage me and I know will carry me through our journey as well. :)

  13. I love your peace and trust through all of this. It has been amazing to follow your journey.

  14. It's going to be here before we all know it and then your life will turn completely upside down in such an amazing way... I am so excited for you to experience this. I cannot even put it to words.
    Your faith is amazing. God works for the good of those who trust him and your blind trust is such a testament to his perfect grace. It's so beautiful.

  15. i actually have been thinking of your day #218 post for the past several days.....but knew that this #400 is completely different than what you might have been without knowing....or having been matched....what an amazing time it is instead!!!
    hoping all goes well with your phone conference....

  16. Thanks for sharing your story with us - it is truly inspiring. My husband and I are officially at "Day 1" now - our profile is up online and ready to be discovered by our BM angel!


  18. You are so cute! I love how you portray this story! What an amazing story it is!

  19. WOW!!! Less than 3 weeks to meeting baby boy! Are you going to keep his name private or share? Oh I do hope you share! I can't wait to know!!!

    And I'm glad you're not worrying! What can worrying do? It cannot solve anything, that's for sure. Lean on Him!

  20. This is all so exciting. I'm sure all your readers will want to know all about the "rest of the story" as Paul Harvey would say. God is awesome and faithful and His plans are far-reaching.