Sunday, June 28, 2009

It all Comes Full Circle

We met up with Rebekah, this morning, to take Ty to his first church service. I was so excited to give Rebekah the gift that my BFF (Meeghan) made for her. It was a little quilt with all of Ty's birth stats on it. I knew it would be a very special keepsake for Rebekah. I also gave her the little outfit we brought Ty "home" in. I know I'm supposed to treasure it forever...but given the situation, I found Rebekah more deserving.

I'm not sure I can describe what my heart felt this morning, walking into church for the first time, as a family of three.We walked in a few minutes late, as we met family and friends in the foyer, and then had to wait for Ben to rush to the bathroom with Ty...an explosion ensued.

When we settled into our seats and my heart faced forward, I was consumed with emotion. How does a simple girl thank a big God for such a monumental blessing?

Rewind....A couple a months ago I sat in the same church next to the same amazing woman, watching the most incredible Easter production I'd ever seen. I remember stifling sobs as I watched the pinnacle of Christ reenact before me and thinking the woman next to me housed the miracle of my life. It was too much to take in.

Today, the scene played a little differently. I was still sitting next to the same amazing woman...but this time...she was holding my son. It's been two weeks and I've yet to process the magnitude of what has happened. This was my first encounter with God. Sure, I've thrown up hundreds of praises and thank yous, but it's different when you're standing in worship...face to face with the God of the universe. Worship drips intimacy and I wasn't fully prepared to go there, yet. Not for a lack of thankfulness...rather, it's the explosion of emotion that will occur when the Hearer of my cry, meets my emotional surrender.

Once again, I held back the tears that welled within the deepest parts of my soul. It was all I could do to stand...and not grovel at the throne of God, incessantly kissing it with worship. That time will come...but this wasn't the place. Instead, I opened a mere window of my heart, and stood in silence...thanking my Father for his abounding goodness.

Then I heard, "Savior...He can move the mountains...My God is mighty to save...He is mighty to save...." and the tears poured over my cheeks like hot oil. I held them at bay the best I could, but I had a full circle moment.

We sing the same song at our home church. Can I tell you how many times I sang that song with tears streaming down my face? Pleading...Begging God to move the monstrous mountain of infertility in my life? I would sing loud and clear, full of faith, commanding for that mountain to be removed...At times I would sob through the lyrics and remind God that he was supposed to remove such mountains...and other Sundays I would merely sit and let my heart weep in silence.

Today...OH, TODAY...I could barely form the words with my lips. MY GOD IS MIGHTY TO SAVE. He DID rescue me. He DID remove my mountain. He did it in his timing, in his way...BUT HE DID IT.

The monster of barrenness no longer overshadows the foothills in which I live. My Father has removed it from my view and not only does sunlight pour through every window...but the path to my future is clearer as I can see the expanse of his plan.

Not only can my Savior move the mountain, he did.

Amazing.

34 comments:

  1. I love reading every post you put up. I can feel every emotion in your writting and my heart cries for joy over you. I praise OUR God that you and Ben are able to feel the happiness of parenthood. May this road bring you nothing but blessings.
    -Amy

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  2. Speechless yet again.
    Blessings.

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  3. Amazing is right, just like you! I love your faith, and the outpouring of love that comes from your words. This is a beautiful post, with beautiful pictures to boot!

    Huge hugs,

    Melba

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  4. I agree with the previous comment. I love reading your posts and always feel uplifted by your thoughts. I lost my baby at birth in March and your experience gives me hope that my arms won't be empty forever.

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  5. Oh man! You had me boo hooing thru this one. What beautiful gifts you have given becky! I know her heart is so full of love for you three, and these gifts will forever be treasured. I've told you before, you are beautiful classy people!
    Cindie

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  6. What a beautiful picture of two loving mamas!!

    I am sure R will treasure the outfit. We gave S Shelby's hospital bracelet. I would have loved to keep it for a memento but I know that S holds it close to her heart.

    God is great. I love sitting in church and singing praise songs with my daughter at my side.

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  7. GOD IS SOOOO GOOD!

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  8. I can't tell you what a blessing it is for me to stop by your blog and read your "heart's cries"...now, they are tears of joy...This is beautiful...thank you!

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  9. what a privilege it is to see the love of God at work, He has does immeasurably more than what we ever could have expected.

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  10. This is absolutely a beautifully written post, no matter what your "mountain" is. You are truly talented and very, very blessed...but you already know the "blessed" part!! Thank you for this post.
    Big Hugs to you guys! And the quilt is gorgeous.

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  11. You are such a gifted and amazing writer. I tear up almost everytime I read one of your posts. The love and emotion that you feel for Rebekah, Ty, and Ben is incredible but your love for God and the faith that you have had throughout the adoption process is amazing.

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  12. Oh Rebekah, I had the same experience last year on mothers day at chruch.
    Zachary was 2 months old and we were FINALLY able to adopt Lydia, our foster child of 2 years. I had stood in that very same pew Sunday after Sunday BEGGING him to make me a mother, then BEGGING him to make me Lydia's FOREVER mother. On this particular Sunday, I WAS FINALLY a mother. I WAS Lydia's mother. I knew in my heart I was always Lydia's mommy but I wanted everyone else in the world to know it too. I wanted it to be legal and it FINALLY was. And not only was I now her forever mother, but also chosen as Zachary's mommy too!!
    Tears came from the inner most part of my soul, as I raced to the pew 3 rows behind us where MY MOM and DAD were sitting. I collapsed into my mom's arms and just allowed myself to sob tears of JOY - FINALLY!!!
    He answered my desperate prayers that my heart had been screaming for so many loooong years. There were some Sundays that I sat in that very pew being just plain pissed off at God. Why wasn't he listening to me? We were GOOD people. Why was this happening and why wasn't he doing anything about it?!! It turns out, he WAS listening and he knew that I would be a mommy. It was in his time though, not mine and for that I can never thank him enough, as I know my children were put on this earth to be just that... MY CHILDREN!!
    Your post brought back so many emotions for me. For I have experienced that full circle. It's wonderful isn't it?!

    That Baby Boy Ty is one BLESSED baby!! :)

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  13. The moment I say the lyrics to the worship song my eyes teared up. Yes, God DID move that mountain!!! Praise Him!

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  14. What beautiful pictures! And I LOVE that song, and it too, has been a prayer of mine many times. :) What a neat day that I'm sure you will always remember!!

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  15. I love your blog! Your posts are overflowing with gratitude, faith, and love and they enver fail to bring me to tears! Things are always done in God's way, and in God's time, but when paths cross you can bet they are crossed for a reason! Seeing you and your husband with baby Ty makes my heart soar, and the look on your faces even more so. He looks like he was born of your womb instead of your heart. Enjoy every single snuggle and quiet moment with YOUR SON!

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  16. Aaaannnnnddddddd I'm cryin again!

    He CAN move mountains.

    He DOES move mountains.

    And, OH, He IS Mighty To Save.

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  17. I love this post, it gave me chills. That is also one of my all time favorite praise and worship songs. He is so mighty, to do ANYTHING. And he has for you.
    *hugs*

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  18. You look beautiful...even if you are sleep deprived :)

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  19. This is such a beautiful post. I have sung that song many times in worship, knowing and believing that it is true and pleading with God to intervene in my situation. No matter the outcome, I pray that one day I'll have a full-circle moment too.

    Thanks for your inspiring words.

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  20. I have been reading your blog over the last year. What wonderful blessings to finally read that you have your beautiful son. I am humbled by your story. GOD is so good and everytime I read your post I have felt his "hand" in it all. I will pray for you and family and birth mom and family. Your journey as a mother is just beginning. Enjoy every second!!
    -Nicki

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  21. I also love reading your posts. You have such a way with your words. Its beautiful that your emotions pour out of your soul. I give praise to OUR God that you and Ben have this child of God to fill your arms with. Amen and keep posting, I look forward to them, and cant wait to see him grow.

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  22. You two Rebecca\Rebekah's look so much alike you could be sisters!

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  23. Love the picture of you, baby T and Rebekah!!! I take N to help me teach Sunday School (I help with 4 year olds) and the kids just love him. I love that he is able to share that experience with me and that song is amazing. I have a bunch of the Praise Baby Collection cds that we play at home and N really loves them.

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  24. God truly does move mountains and sometimes when I look back at my road of infertility I thank God for unanswered prayers!! He moved many mountains and lead me across the miles to Guatemala for my daughter and then He has lead me back to minister to those living in sheer poverty! His blessings and His timing is absolutly wonderful and amazing!!

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  25. Yep, for the first couple of months there were several church songs that made me puddle. It's a good sort of puddle! The quilt is adorable, good job Meeghan! And Ty is just scrumptious.

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  26. Rebekah, I found your blog yesterday and ended up staying up until midnight, reading all of your old posts. I couldn't stop. Your writing is so beautiful, thank you for sharing every part of your story. What an amazing journey to motherhood. I'm so happy for you. You are such an inspiration.

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  27. Happy two week birthday to baby Tyrus! From Grandma

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  28. Oh my...you can always move me to tears...although I was already getting weepy when I saw that first wonderful picture of you Rebekah, and Ty!! I'm so happy for you...and thankful that I too have God on my side! I know our time is approaching! Enjoy your new bundle!

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  29. Rebekah, you write so eloquently. I'm so thankful for the blessings the Lord has given you.

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  30. We sing that song at our church too. It always brings tears to my eyes, and as I was reading your post. Congrats on your beautiful family. Your son is so cute.

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  31. I love what you said at the end about the songs that make you just open up to a one-on-one with God. Sometimes songs are all that get me through, and sometimes they are the best way for me to cry out in praise...either way, music says it all! Loving reading every detail of this awesome experience!

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  32. That was so nice of Meeghan to make the quilt for Rebekah and so sweet of you to give her Ty's "going home" outfit. I know she'll treasure them forever, along w/ the pictures you guys took and, of course the memories!

    Yes, our Saviour moves mountains!!
    Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!

    HUGS
    Tracy

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