Tuesday, June 30, 2015

FAQ: Did you ever worry for Tyrus?

Today's FAQ comes from one of you! Right before Ty and I set off for Colorado, this question was asked of Rebekah, and I was just as eager to hear the answer, as it was never a question that I had considered before. Rebekah's response is such a beautiful view into her heart and love for her son; she inspires me more than she'll ever know. Here is the question that was asked:

Rebekah,
Those of us that follow this sweet amazing blog (I'm sure you do also!) so respect and admire the raw emotion Rebekah shares in her writings - going back to when they first had LJ, some of the trials, then with Sweet Boy and Missy. Did you ever worry/fear it was too difficult for Tyrus, maybe it would adversely effect him, or think maybe he deserved more stability? I absolutely mean no disrespect, and love the Pinchback family. Just wonder how you felt reading Rebekah's posts

Rebekah (Ty's first mother) responds:

Thank you for your question. I can understand the angle you are coming from; however, the thought actually never crossed my mind that Tyrus was possibly in an unstable environment. I always knew that Rebekah and Ben would have more children. I never wanted Tyrus to be an only child so you can imagine my excitement when he became an older brother. In my experience, families go through emotionally challenging times no matter how the family was put together (adoption or by natural means). What I am trying to say is, every family has the possibility of having a child that has an emotional need, or autism, or down syndrome, or any other unfortunate circumstance. Does this bring instability to a family? Absolutely not! I think if dealt with properly, it can actually bring a family closer. Tyrus is a very special boy. He has incredible patience and a nurturing spirit. I know that Tyrus was put in the Pinchback family because he was supposed to be a big brother to those who need his unconditional love and gentle personality. I have never once questioned the stability of his home. I did, however, question the stability of my home at the time of his birth and that is why I chose open adoption.

_______________________________________________________________


If you would like to have either Rebekah or me respond to your question, please email or leave it in the comment section below.

Friday, June 26, 2015

FF: Burrito Bowls


I don't know about you, but I could eat at Chipotle every single day of the week. I have tried a few different copy-cat recipes, but they never taste as good. THIS one, however, is amazing and earned me 5 stars from all three boys! Ben's vote doesn't count, he was congested....and let's be honest...he's a harsh critic.

I found this recipe on Simply Scratch.

Chipotle Chicken Fajita Rice Bowl

chopped chipotle chicken 

AH-Mazing in all of its lime-y, cilantro goodness! I was drooling over the marinade alone. It smells divine.

Everyone got to make their own bowl...or three, which made for some very happy campers. I used some of my leftover frozen chipotle peppers from this dinner.

Next time I would serve it up with tortilla chips (I completely forgot). We kept it simple and had bowls and blueberries. There were no complaints.


Monday, June 22, 2015

Simplifying


Last year was such an incredibly challenging year and even though God gave us the strength we needed to endure it, the stride was not sustainable, nor without effect. A few months ago I spent, nearly, two weeks crying out to the Lord (literal crying), asking for a strategy to simply my life. Something had to change and I asked him to start with me.

I reduced my hours at work, which made the most noticeable difference in my time, but a close second was cutting out TV. I never was big into shows, but pure exhaustion led me to the couch night after night and soon I was lost to more than a dozen fictional families. It had become my go-to stress release; watching the drama in their lives allowed me to take a break from my own.

Stage two of this revolution came in organizing my newly found time into three parts:

  1. Daily intimacy with God
  2. Meaningful moments with my family
  3. Tackling projects around the house (prioritized by the amount of crazy they will relieve from my routine)
It has only been a month...but I am a new woman. Every exhale meets a state of rest and I'm a way better wife and mother for it.

Self-reflection has been a natural part of this toxic purge and personal discovery the reward behind every car load to the nearest secondhand store.

A few days ago, I had two positive encounters that I brought back to my prayer closet. Two different women on the same day interacted with my kids in such a way that prompted a longing in my heart to duplicate their gentle demeanors.

I quietly sat thinking about the love they expressed, wishing their softness was standard with my model, when the Holy Spirit’s presence filled the room and spoke to my identity. His rebuke was swift, but heavy – Don’t pray to be more like anyone else. Pray to be exactly who your children need you to be.

My spirit man affirmed the truth spoken and I sat in awe of God’s care for me – a tired mama of four babies, praying a simple prayer of sanding for my rough edges. It’s not that I don’t need more juicy spiritual fruit in my life; I certainly do. My prayer was problematic because I assumed to know best, instead of asking God for his best.

It was a needed reminder that my own good intentions can lead me astray and profitable gifts can fail without the voice of the Father.

The depths of this thickening process are rich.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Six Years Old - Part I

This guy turned six, today!

Wowser.


I am so proud to be his everyday mom.


We are so much alike it's scary. Bossy and detailed; practical and focused.

I gave him the choice to go out for dinner or to have a night at home. He picked home (love that!). Ty selected a very balanced meal of Kraft Mac 'n Cheese, Chicken Caesar Salad, Pretzel Rolls, and Red Gatorade (I had to fight it down). Over the weekend we were at Costco and he saw a rainbow cake that he had to have. As I was telling him we didn't need a cake that feeds 50 and I would be happy to make one myself, Ben mouthed, "It's his birthday!" So...home we came with enough cake to feed an army.


Ty never hesitates in what he wants, which has been a wonderful leadership quality for his younger brothers who have walked challenging roads of insecurity. My favorite character trait is his heart of mercy.

Each boy, recently, started taking turns at the dinner table praying for one of the birth families represented in our family. Last night, Ty prayed that God would bless Missy's dad and help him make good choices for a good life. Ty recognizes how sad it must be not to get to see his daughter every day and, continuously lifts him in prayer.

When he watched the video Rebekah sent him, tonight, he asked me if she was sad that we couldn't all be together.


What a marvelous heart - so tender and sure.

Every day is (literally) my dream come true.

Friday, June 5, 2015

FF: Crescent Bacon Breakfast Ring


I don't know about your house, but we LOVE breakfast for dinner!

This Crescent Bacon Breakfast Ring from Jo Cooks is a yummy omelette spin off that got gobbled up by everyone except Ty. He likes his eggs straight up.

Crescent Bacon Breakfast Ring 

And it only takes 35 minutes from prep to table - my kind of meal! I did it up right and served it with OJ, a tater-tot type hash (we like this kind), a fresh fruit medley, and our favorite lumpy links of sausage (we always have a stash of these in our freezer - we buy them from Costco).

It's almost as easy as ordering pizza.



 

Friday, May 29, 2015

FF: Chipotle Honey BBQ Chicken & Roasted Smashed Potatoes


This week's recipe does not fit my "one hour" rule, but it's so finger-looking good, you will forgive me! I had sick babies, yesterday, so it was the perfect day to carve some time out for sauce making.

I made the World's Best Lasagna sauce and built a lasagna for tonight at the same time I made the Chipotle Honey Barbecue sauce for last night's dinner. They both need to simmer for 60-90 minutes, but the prep time is minimal.

Chipotle Honey BBQ Chicken -  Fabulously sweet and perfectly spicy this chicken is great any night of the week!  |MomOnTimeout.com |  #chicken

My boys will eat anything in the form of a drumstick, so this was family-friendly, even though they tend to balk at anything charred. I only used 1 chipotle pepper (I did wash the seeds out), so the  sauce was mild. Since I was in prep mode and I hate waste, I also cut open and washed the seeds out of the remaining chipotle peppers and pureed them with the jarred sauce and measured 1 tsp servings into an ice cube tray to freeze for future meals. I have chipotle chicken faijitas planned next week.

I made a dozen drumsticks and probably have enough sauce for two more meals! All that to say, the prep is WORTH it!

I think Team Pinchback would have settled for a plate full of chicken, but I paired it with corn on the cob, applesauce, and these delicious Crispy Smashed Roasted Potatoes from Mom on Timeout.

Crispy Smashed Roasted Potatoes Recipe

It took a little extra time, but we also have a lasagna ready to pop into the oven tonight and enough homemade grilling sauce for a relaxing weekend!



Wednesday, May 27, 2015

"Please don't give up on me."

"I feel like the boy who cried wolf...no matter how bad I want this, it's too late. I know that."

I vacillated between compassion and irritation listening to Missy's biological dad plead his case before the judge.

Today's termination trial spanned six hours. SIX. My back was stiff; my patience thin.

The facts are stacking. He only visited his daughter six times in twenty months; he hadn't completed any of the goals in his parenting plan; he spends more time in jail than outside, and he admitted to having a very serious drug problem.

The judge was kind, but firm, and found the burden of proof met. He terminated rights.

Early on, this morning, Little Missy's dad vocalized his desire to voluntarily sign over his rights. He asked many questions, but the one that mattered most to him was that Ben would continue to be her father. Ben took her to three of the six visits and although it was for purposes of scheduling, today, I am so thankful for our decision. In some small way, I think, it eased the tearing in his heart to know that the man his daughter will grow-up calling "daddy", always showed him kindness and respect.

I hate the political bologna that plays out every time I'm in that courtroom, but I couldn't be mad at dad for changing his mind and requesting a trial. It was his last chance to fight for her.

I was able to look past his excuses for walking away and saw the honesty in his heart. Though his experiences with Little Miss were limited, he remembered every one, highlighting the first time they met and her first neck grabbing hug.

His plea to the judge came from such a place of brokenness, his words have haunted me the rest of the day - "I hope this is the time that someone or something will give me another chance. Please don't give up on me."

Even though this judge drug both cases a full year past our expectations, I am thankful for his leadership and respect his character. He responded to Missy's dad, gently, saying, "You turned your back on the resources we offered. You can't and haven't been able to help yourself and because of that, you will not be able to help or care for your daughter. I have to act in her best interest."

Dad cried softly and took his defeat with humility.

I tried to make eye contact with him as he was escorted out of the courtroom by police officers, but he never looked up.

I will, likely, never see him again.

As soon as I picked up the boys, they wanted to know what happened in court. I gave them a edited version of the day and challenged them to pray for Little Miss' dad, as the burden in his heart could be too much for him to bear.

The outcome of today puts us one step closer to adoption, but there is no victory in witnessing such devastation. This is the fourth time we've walked this path, but it never feels right or natural; I don't think it ever will.



Father,
Please draw this sweet man to you. Cloak him in your presence and protect his frailty. Bring him a mentor that will shoulder his deficiencies and guide him to wholeness - someone who will persist and cheer and point him toward love at every turn. I have seen glimpses of his heart for his daughter...give him the same glimpses of your heart for him. Anchor his hope.