Visit #4

Today we were able to bring LJ home. For the day.

It was awesome.

We played t-ball in the backyard, road our bikes to the park, and played endless games of bubbles, airplanes, and chase. Pretty much a typical weekend day at the Pinchbacks + one.

A woman noted today, "Those boys are two peas in a pod."

They sure are.

Aren't they awesome?

I am blown away at how well-mannered and even-tempered LJ is for all that he's seen in his little life. I give full glory to God for protecting his innocence and a lot of credit to his current foster mom, G-mama. He covers his mouth when he coughs, sleeps like a champ, and eats everything I give him. I am stunned.

The two areas that will be of greatest challenge is 1) helping Ty realize he is not the center of the universe and that his toys need to be shared and 2) proving to LJ that this move is permanent and will re-define his view of family.

Teaching Ty to share is a perfectly natural problem and one that will have life long benefit. It helps to know that we're not alone in battling this. You can tell that poor LJ is used to having everything taken from him (in more ways than one); he is completely void of reaction and goes out of his way to make Ty "happy" with him.

The bonding issues are so much deeper than what we've experienced before. I desperately want to have an adult conversation with our new son and tell him that he is complete in Christ and his position in our family. That God has stamped redemption over his heart and that his life will never be the same...I want to hold him and weep for all the times I wasn't there for him and infuse overflowing joy into his very serious demeanor and sad heart.

Instead... I am forced to love him from a distance, with a relaxed attitude, and light hearted interactions. It's tough.

He does have moments of laughter and bouts of silly with Ty, but never me or Ben. I even tried tickling him, today, and was met with cold eyes and serious lips. It will take time.

I am secure in me and motherhood, so it's easy to trust God. God has a plan for this little boy; there's no mistaking it.

Ty's friendship and brotherhood will be a healing balm to LJ's little heart. Ty litters him with kisses and hugs and hand holding. I am so proud.

And Ben. Oh, Ben. My incredibly loving, tender, not-many-guys-could-go-along-for-this-ride husband. He is such a lover and protector...for all of us.  LJ is smitten with him. Everything is, "hi, dad!", "okay, dad?", "look at me dad!", "I see you dad"... I am just the girl in the corner that likes to take pictures and Ty calls, "Mom." [smile]. I'm okay with that.

We had a GREAT day as a family. It's a one hour drive (one way) to LJ for each visit. That part is getting annoying, but only a few more days of that! We dropped him off tonight with his G-mama and a somber Ty said, "Mom...I miss him already." I love that boy. He is a gift from God.

We were cuddling tonight before bed and Ty said, "You know what Mom? I love you." I didn't know that I needed to hear that, but it was a direct connect to my heart. The love of God is so satisfying it leaves you full for days.

We pick up LJ after work tomorrow and will have him for the weekend. I know that God will guide us through the challenges. I am just so incredibly thankful to have our second son home...

I leave you with my new picture of God.

His perfect love -
unending faithfulness -
and unparalleled redemption.

Lord, you are GOOD.

My heart and eyes cry.