As I type, my boys are both in room next door giggling and whispering. Ty just said, "LJ how's your day been?"
LJ, "It was good."
"My day was good too, buddy."
We had a GREAT day.
It was crazy similar to our homecoming with Ty.
We showed up at the agency prepared for a formal meeting with lots of paperwork and signing and were surprised by the casual "everyone-good-to-go?" gathering in the lobby. We signed two pieces of paper before LJ's caseworker volunteered to walk outside with us to the car.
I felt the same quick panic that I did when we left the hospital with Ty. I remember yelling in my head, "Wait! Are you really sending us home with this kid to raise for the rest of our lives? We're not ready! We don't know what we're doing! HELP!"
Same feeling today.
When we left Rebekah back in Colorado to head for home, I cried for miles. I couldn't handle the pain that I knew existed in her heart. It was too much.
Same feeling today.
Before we got in the van, I offered fresh flowers to G-Mama, with a from-one-mom-to-another card, and held her for a long time. We both cried.
My parting words were -
Luke 6 says, Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Thank you for using a big measure. We can only repay you with LJ's life. We will give him our all and trust God with the rest...
I cried for her bleeding heart as we left for home and reminded Ben how difficult this part of the journey is for me. I am indebted to these women for taking such loving care of my sons before I could...They are forever a part of our story.
We relaxed at home all day, today. We played trains and dinosaurs and kitchen. The boys wrestled with Ben on the floor for over an hour. LJ kept kissing Ben's head, saying, "I love you, dad."
My favorite part of today was bedtime. Ben laid with LJ; I laid with Ty. The lights were dimmed as we said our prayers and worshiped. I could barely make it through Jesus Loves Me as I snuggled Ty close and watched Ben do the same with LJ from across the room.
I feel undeserving of such a well-written God story.
After Ty fell asleep, I could hear LJ in his bed, sniffing for his mommy. I stretched out next to him and laid my head on his chest. I softly sang, I love you Lord...and I lift my voice... he didn't stop whimpering, but he did put his chubby hands around my neck. I continued, Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear... When I went to lift my head up from him, he quickly put his hand on my cheek and pulled me back in.
It was right then that I knew. We're going to be okay.
God will help us do this.