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I laid with Ty in bed last night and looked over at Little Boy's space. I thought about how scary it will be for him to sleep in a bed he's never seen, with a brother he just met, and another set of adults telling him that he's "home". It breaks my heart.
We got Little Boy's file, today. It took me ninety minutes, but I read every word.
I knew his first three years would be a patchwork of time that would be all but erased from me, but I didn't consider my need to mourn that time. It was easier to sweep under the rug when I didn't know the intricacies of his case.
Mixed in between the lines of violence and neglect, were sweet milestones stating that Little Boy spoke his first word. Took his first step. I was unprepared for how it would feel to catch up on my son's life on paper, knowing that I missed every moment.
Our sweet boy has been in six homes and represented by four agencies in two and a half years, available for adoption for the last nine months. Our caseworker admitted that Little Boy, our Little Boy, had simply slipped through the cracks.
As I read about his long case of bronchitis, last year, I traced my time back to what I was doing, hoping he was rocked and cuddled and prayed over. When I read he was removed from a foster home on a charge for failure to protect, my heart twisted in agony. When I read that he was separated from the only sister he knew because she could not stop crying, I had to take a minute to breathe.
These are kids. Small, innocent children, undeserving of such hardship.
While Ty and I cuddled and whispered in the quietness of his room, Little Boy was one of five laying on a mattress on the floor.
My, God....
I cry as I type. This is not just some boy. This is MY boy. I cannot control what led him to this place, but I can change his name and future.
His first name will remain intact, but his middle name will be Jeremiah.
My son will have a new start. He will understand the significance of Jeremiah 29:11 in his own life. God says:
I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for [The Message].Oh, friends. There is so much need.
Please consider foster adoption.
It makes me down right angry that we were turned away from every agency in Michigan because of our adoption specifications (i.e. only being willing to adopt children younger than Ty). We were told, today, about another sibling group. Two little girls. One and two years old. This is the fourth case we've been presented with and we've only been approved for adoption for a month.
My heart is heavy, but thankful, that God called us when he did. Our son will be home soon.
You are so right. There is such a need for adoptive homes for foster children. Children right in our back yard, practically. I hope and pray more families will take that step of faith and open their hearts and homes for these children. Thank you for your willingness.
ReplyDeleteGoing into the process for foster adoption seemed so scary to us at first, as i am sure it does for everyone. But now, i want to tell everyone i know what a great option it is and just how badly these kids need them!
ReplyDeleteI think a lot about the things i will miss out on in out little ones life, just as you have and i will remind you of the same thing i remind myself each time. For all the moments you have missed there will be so many more that you will be present for!
I cant wait to see Little Boy come home! You guys are going to be a great family for him.
Every step of his journey, just like your own, is part of his path to you... where he belongs. The journey doesn't always make sense, but the destination certainly does. I will keep you all in my prayers, especially your little boys, as you start this new journey. I am beyond excited for you.
ReplyDeleteI cry for all the time that Little Boy has spent 'in waiting' and 'slipping through the cracks', but I also rejoice that he will have you, Ben and Ty. God has a mighty plan for all of you. I am praying for you when you come into my mind and heart and that is often, since you got the news!
ReplyDeleteAs I read your post my heart is tugging in so many directions. After our 12 year old was born we thought we'd wait a few years and then have more children. We waited 2 years and that was 10 years ago, and still no babies. We decided about 4 years ago to adopt and after chatting with different agency thought to do foster to adopt. We thought that magically we would find this perfect child at the end of our journey. The very last day of class instead of a certificate we had a placement. Oh I know God says that he will only give you what you can handle. I found myself on my knees many days! She was so extremely hard, after her visits with her family it was even harder. We then had a 22 month old that we had for over 2 years and she thought we were mom and dad. We thought we would be able to adopt our little girl, but the state found on older great aunt with health problems that finally stepped up and that was the hardest thing ever. I know God has a huge plan and still feel that pull to share our lives and blessings with a child. I've friend requested you on Facebook and would love to hear more about the 2 girls or any sibling groups.
ReplyDeleteFoster adoption is something I'm definitely praying toward/about. I love the name Jeremiah!
ReplyDeleteI always enjoy reading your blog and love that you are telling others more about how to navigate through the waters of adopting through foster care. I think many more people would adopt this way if it were not for the fact that many social workers in foster care turn families away. They tell you there are not any young children for adoption or that it's going to be really really difficult and they will be problem children. I'm finding more and more that they are wrong and love hearing stories like yours where God changes the norm and sends an adoptive family a little boy like yours. Praying for you and that you will be able to bring your little boy home soon!
ReplyDeleteI adopted my daughter from foster care -- she was nine. I was not planning on adopting but merely fostering but I could not bear to lose her. I have cried many tears that I was unable to protect her from the atrocities of her childhood and mourned the life she had.
ReplyDeleteLittle Boy is very lucky to have you. I have never understood how people could ever harm these beautiful innocent babies. It will be a hard road for him but so very worth it at the end.
Praying for you and your family. Praying that YOUR lil Boy gets to come home soon. Loving the middle name Jeremiah! YOUR lil Boy will join your family... his family... his journey besides you, Ben and Ty! Perfection! Best always!
ReplyDeleteare you adopting the two girls also? that would give Ty the sister he wanted times two, but 3 adjustments all at once would be a big mountain to climb!
ReplyDeletepraying God's guidance and protection over your family... keep us posted as new requests & praises arise!
Thank you for stepping up and adopting from foster care (and for encouraging other to do so as well!).
ReplyDeleteOh, sweet mama, that Little Boy did not slip through the cracks...he was being lifted up through them by our Father right into your arms. :)
ReplyDeleteThere really is a need. I have spent so much time feeling angry over the need and how The Church is turning its back on the need, and praying about how I can help change that.