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My tears started before we ever arrived. We were leaving to go home. I didn't know it was possible for your heart to sing its loudest and weep its hardest at the same time. Some refer to these moments as bittersweet, but I can't. It doesn't fit.I sent a quick text to Rebekah that we were on our way over. Every mile closer made me cry a little harder. How in the world do you say goodbye to such a woman? I’ve received great gifts before…but not like this. This woman gave me life. And I mean that in every form. Not only did she give me her child…but she wrote my next chapter. Our life had been a stand-still, time warp for five years. Her gift…the greatest gift (second only to Christ)…filled my heart with life.
How do you thank someone for that?
Her door flung open, I grabbed her…and we cried. Ben immediately took Ty out of his seat and handed him to his first mother. She rocked him and held him close. I choked back sobs. I watched another woman caress my son and drink in every part…the same way I do…from his button nose to his chubby toes.
Except it isn’t just another woman. It’s the woman. It’s a strange dynamic. Unless you've stood in these shoes, there's no way to express the difficulty...Seeing Rebekah nestle him close, the water in her eyes, the bleeding of her heart…there was no denying her as his mother. Yet, I too, only after three short weeks, am his mother…and feel like his mother.
You can only imagine the goodbye emotions of two mothers…over one son. Our love for him the very same. It was so hard.We both put on big girl faces. Our goodbye was brief. Our tears real - but limited. I know she was holding back…because I was too. If I had opened the floodgates of my heart, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.
We shared lingering hugs. All I could say was, “There aren’t enough words to thank you.” She nodded her understanding, behind a veil of tears. I promised her that we would give Ty our all…and thank her with his life.
And we were on our way.
i can't imagine.
ReplyDeleteYou amaze me to my core!!! The 3 of you are AMAZING people. I have never seen such unselfish people in all of my life...AND GIVING GOD THE PRAISE ALL THE WHILE!!! I wish I had people in my life like you! I am so so grateful for your blog:) Prayers from Ohio!!!
ReplyDeleteI hope you write a book I'd love for other moms on both sides of adoption to see the love between the two of you and how God has had his hand in this adoption from the start.
ReplyDeleteI am just speechless. The right words i just can't find right now. I hope this isn't really a goodbye, but a see you later kind of relationship. I can understand her pain, because I have been there too. Thanks for continue to share your story and show off the beautiful pictures of all of you.
ReplyDeleteHeart wrenching. I too have had to bare witness to such pain, twice. Nobody except another adoptive mother knows that agony. Even 9 and 4 years later my heart still is a little raw when I think about the days my daughters' bmoms placed them in my arms and we left with "her" baby. This humble feeling will serve you well in the years to follow with Ty.
ReplyDeleteA beautiful goodbye!
ReplyDeleteI understand completely... after having the same goodbye to all three of my children's first moms - the emotions never differ, it never gets easier to leave for that first time, and even for the first few visits after there remains a bittersweet emotion to each departure even knowing you will see them again.
ReplyDeleteIt is impossible for others outside the adoption process to understand how we feel about our children's first parents - in fact it is hard for me to fully understand, I only know I love and care for them in a way unique only to them.
THe encouragement I can offer, is the goodbyes will become easier and the hellos more and more joyful! I look so forward to time with birthfamily - I LOVE seeing my children with their first families. There is something so tender and aching when I see them together, and I wouldn't miss out on it for anything.
I'm so glad your on your way home with your sweet Ty. You are in for an amazing new journey. Soak it up... every moment - it goes by like a vapor!
COngrats and many blessings!
This is a beautiful reflection, Rebekah. I love your promise to thank her with his life.
ReplyDeleteOh my...bless your hearts! I prayed for all of you yesterday! Your story is amazing and I can't wait to see you continue to glorify our God with it. He is so worth it! May your journey home be safe and full of great memories.
ReplyDeleteSamantha
This is a beautiful tribute.
ReplyDeleteI know.............
ReplyDeleteTwo times over, I know..........
What a touching moment... Thanks for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteOh wow Rebekah!!! That must have been really hard. Goodbyes are very hard, especially one like this. You are truly blessed to have met such a wonderful selfless woman like Rebekah. May the Lord continue to bless both of you
ReplyDeleteIm getting teary just thinking about your time with Rebekah. Have a safe trip home!
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing post. I cried reading every line. Saying goodbye to Heather was the hardest thing I EVER had to do! Our experiences were SO similar. Thank you for giving me a chance to relive one the most blessed times in my life.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Dori
Welcome home, Rebekah. What a wonderful gift you received. I'm sure it will be a bond that lasts forever.
ReplyDeleteThe first few weeks were hard for Patricia, but we went lots of pictures and updates to ease the pain of her empty arms. It's natural to feel that post-partum sadness, but she's always going to be a part of your life, and she'll really enjoy watching him grow up in such a loving home. It's bittersweet, but I think you'll the joy overshadows the temporary sadness.
ReplyDeleteAs always your words are beautiful and heartfelt. We feel for you and with you and all of the emotions you are going through. Stay strong and have a safe journey home to the wonderful life you guys have ahead of you.
ReplyDeleteTears here...
ReplyDeleteReading your blog, from an adoptee view...is just...amazing, to me. I can't even put it into words. Wow. I think you just put me back on the path for my reunion.
I'm praying for all of you. God is so great.
I know what you mean about the emotions being bittersweet because I could harldy figh the tears the day I was able to meet my daughter's birthmom. My child was home from Guatemala for about a year when I was able to meet her for the first time after and extensive search and when I met her there were no words that seemed like enough!!
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you're on your way home to being with the rest of your family. May the next chapter of life continue on in pure happiness!
Unbelievable.
ReplyDeleteYou expresed this experience so well. I'm in tears just imaging how it would feel saying goodbye to someone who you've come to love so much and who has give you the most precious gift one person can give another- your son and hers too! I have a feeling that you'll stay in touch w/ Rebekah and her family. I can tell from all you've shared that you've established an incredable friendship!
ReplyDeleteI'm anticipating moving 1/2 way across the country in less than a year to be closer to my family- including my adoptive parents and my birth mom. This story made me think what it will be like saying goodbye to my best girlfriends here in Iowa- I'm sure that there will be some tears, but tears are appropriate when you're saying see you later- maybe MUCH later- to some one you really crae about!!
Love ya Becca!
Thanks for sharing this incredible
story w/ your "bloggy friends"!
Tracy
I am crying right now. Your post is so touching.
ReplyDeleteThe great part is it's not over! Rebekah is still so much a part of your lives, even if she doesn't live close. Ty is one very lucky little boy to have so much family and so much love!
ReplyDeleteI am officially your stalker! *laugh* I come to yours and beckys blog multiple times a day, looking for the next page of the story. I am addicted *laugh*
ReplyDeleteBreathlessly awaiting your next post
Cindie
Oh man...there really isn't much I can say, because I hear you on every count. Bittersweet certainly isn't the right word.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there really is a word. These experiences are in their own special capsule, and you're absolutely right that they cannot be understood unless they have been experienced.
Hang in there. You are beautiful, your son is beautiful, and your story is beautiful. To me, the pain is an integral part of that. If you hadn't been through such pain to get to your son in the first place, and if you hadn't had to live through Rebekah's pain too...then none of this would be as sweet as it is. I hope I'm making sense, and I'm really not sure I am.
Just know that you are never far from my thoughts, and you are always in my prayers!
Love,
Melba
I am seriously bawling right now, your posts are always so moving. Rebekah is so selfless, she is a true mother to love him so much to be able to give him away to let him have the life she is unable to give him. I can't even imagine letting go of one of my children. I think I say this every time I read your blog, Ty is so lucky to have so many people that love him.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lucky little boy to have so many people love him!
ReplyDeleteJust beautiful... there are no words, as you said. You are amazing people, and Ty is so lucky to have all of your in his life (and vice versa, of course!).
ReplyDeleteOh reading this post brought back so many emotions for me. I remember leaving Katie my Sylas' first mother. How hard it was. My love for her is something few others understand. But you hit the nail on the head.
ReplyDeleteWow...I just came across your blog and am getting up to speed on your journey...WOW.
ReplyDeleteWe just received a referral for a baby girl 4 months old from Ethiopia. We are so excited. I love your story....WOW!!!
I love your praise to our Heavenly Father thru your journey.