My sweet, sweet, precious miracle Baby,
I've been wanting to do this for awhile....and I've asked Daddy to do the same. One of my most treasured possessions is a baby book my mother made for me. One of the early pages houses notes from my mom and dad about how they felt the day I was born. Just yesterday, Daddy said to me, "He's never going to know just how much we love him, is he?" I think Daddy is right. I've tried my best to put our path to you in words...but so many times, words just fail.
Oh, how my heart longed for you.
Look at me, I'm already sobbing. I can hear your rhythmic breathing as you lay on my chest, while I write this note. You are my world. Some days I look at you and still can't believe you're mine. Some days I wake up and think it was all a dream and then I see your sweet restful face and know that you're true. Some days I think someone is going to walk in and say, "Sorry. This was all a cruel joke. You must give him back now." But, Daddy assures me you are son. You are mine. You are my heart.
I love everything about you. You love to be held ALL the time and you have the best little fuzzy head that cuddles right into the crook of my neck when I hold you near. You have these dark pools for eyes and they speak right to the depths of my heart. It's like we understand each other without ever saying a word. You are so fiery it makes me laugh. Your screams don't bother me, I know that one day you'll use your lungs for the Lord.
You are 5 weeks old, now, and I've already thought to the end of life. All the things I want you to be...all the things Daddy and I want to instill. One day you'll know what it means to fall in love...really fall in love. The kind of fall in love that captivates you and consumes every piece of your heart. You'll know then how mommy feels about you. I'm so madly in love with your Daddy and didn't know it was possible to love anyone else with the same strength. But I do. I love you with everything in me...
Our life is so full, with you here, Tyrus. Everything is better, with you in tow. [Okay, maybe not shopping...I've quickly learned to leave you home with Daddy for a boy's night!] You give my days so much purpose and push me to be a better woman, mother, and wife.
Daddy and I often talk about the things we'll teach you...
Yesterday, we were talking about our families and your Daddy said he felt like he walked into our marriage with all of the bests from his parents. His mom's best qualities. His dad's best characteristics. I mulled over that all night. I want you to follow in your Daddy's footsteps. We want all the best for you. I hope you'll look back one day and say the same thing to your wife..."I left the house with the best of my mom and the best of my dad in me."
There are many qualities I pray that will stick...funny how many of them I see in your Daddy. I want you to be a gentleman...opening doors for girls, helping old ladies load groceries into their car, viewing your elders with the greatest of respect. I want you to look at women with beauty and love, cherishing the gift they are and treating them as such. I want you to always love spending time with your mom...and like your Daddy does with his mom, I want you to lovingly call me "babe."
I want you to set soaring goals that others would consider lofty...and to always know you can do anything you set your mind to. I want you to desire the extraordinary and never settle for ordinary. I want you to be a man of integrity, with unparalleled character. And just like Samuel, I pray that your words never fall flat. Oh, how I pray that you will be a man of your word. That you would speak and people would listen. I want you to be full of wisdom beyond your years...for people to look at your life and see Jesus. I want men and women alike to be changed for the better, just by knowing you.
I want your Dad to be your hero.
But, most of all, baby. The thing I pray most...the area I will devote my life to, is your heart for God. I don't care how many sports you'll play or how many friends you'll have. I only care how fervently you pursue your God.
I want you to run after Him with everything you have...to lay your life surrender before him...to be led by the Spirit...accepting the call He has on your life. I want you to unashamedly worship Him, like King David, and to encourage your peers to do the same.
I don't want you to be tainted by the world. I want you to lead. To be strong and mighty. I want you to see the traps of the enemy and call them like they are. I want you to believe in the supernatural.
I want you to be better than me. I want you to be better than Daddy. I want you to have every good gift...I want your life to be a testimony of God's goodness. Do you know what I tell people, now?
You are God's faithfulness. I cannot say it without crying. When I look at your sweet, perfect face I actually see the faithfulness of God. I had given up all hope, Tyrus. I was at my lowest point...angry at God - angry at the world. I had convinced myself that God had turned his back on my cry...that my arms would never be full.
The Sunday before we got news of you, the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart...I am faithful. Even when you are faithless.
And then there was you.
I will never again doubt the faithfulness of our loving King. You are my living reminder. You are my son. I may not ever be able to show you the fullness of those words, but I'm going to devote my life to trying.
You, Tyrus Lee, are my heart's cry.