Monday, July 28, 2008

Day 92

Today was the BIG day. It was actually slightly anticlimactic and it left me feeling more disappointed than anything else. Today, officially marked month 3 of the adoption process and it happened to be our final home study (case worker came out to inspect the house). I can’t believe that three months from today, we made the decision to adopt! The process has gone by fast…but at the same time it’s dragging on…In the grand scheme of things 3 months is quick, but when you’re in pursuit of a baby that you’ve waited 4 years for, it drags on and on and on.

Anyway, our C.W. was supposed to be at the house at 2pm and by 2:45pm we were getting irritated that she hadn’t showed up. I called the only phone number (other than her office #) that we had – she called to cancel/re-schedule an appointment on us a few weeks ago and Ben saved the number – and left a message. Turns out her Palm has had syncing issues and had moved all her appointments around. She had us down for next Saturday! Thankfully, she called us back and said she’d come as soon as she could. If we would have had to re-schedule I would have been reduced to a puddle of tears. We worked SO hard getting the house ready for today!

She finally showed up by 3:30pm and we were able to proceed. She was a little frazzled and definitely embarrassed by what happened. We sat and answered more absurd questions that no other parent has to answer, “How long do you plan on living here?”, “Tell me about the area’s diversity,” “Will you choose public or private schools?”, “While you work will someone be watching the baby in your home or their home?”, etc, etc. After the barrage of questions we gave the 25 cent tour and it was a wrap. Her only comments during the tour were in regards to how much she liked my wall colors—no safety inspection, critical questions, or white-glove treatment. What was I so afraid of?

We returned to the living room and talked about the final process. Here's where the disappointment came in. C.W. told us that she was finishing a case right now and that there was one more couple ahead of us that needed to be written before she could start ours. She said, "I hope to have yours completed by the end of August." WHAT!?!?! What happened to "a week or two after the final homestudy?" What's even more annoying is that when I asked her when we would receive our letter of approval she said, "Oh, you're approved. You won't receive a letter." So, let me get this've already approved us, but now we have to wait for you to get around to writing our study up? What's even more annoying is that I know she's been camping with her family most of the summer because we've had a hard time getting our appointments in around it. I know it's not her fault. She has a right to have a life and I'm sure she has lots of cases she's working on! It's just hard to sit around waiting with nothing to do! So, I'm disappointed that we most likely won't be on the waiting list by my birthday (8/19)...and we were told not to get discouraged if our profile isn't shown often the first couple of months, because sometimes it takes awhile. We were reminded at how subjective this process is and that there's no way to predict anything. We could be shown 8 times in the first month and then not shown again for just depends. All the unknown and all the waiting has me back to feeling like an emotional yo-yo. Wishing I could press that easy button again...

[sigh]. Ben reminded me to keep my chin up and not to let the disappointment ruin my day. I'm trying to not get caught up in the obstacles. I know that God has predestined our child and nothing on earth can change the course. It's comforting to know that roadblocks to me are notches on God's time line. It's all going according to plan. So...until I see the fruition, I'm going to continue working on the baby's room, pour my heart into Ben (unfortunately he's taken a backseat to baby the last few months), and enjoy the rest of my summer!

We went out for a celebratory dinner with family!

And Jason and Rachael went and picked up the ottoman to our chair!! Can't wait to see Ben with baby in that chair...


  1. IT'S OK! I totally understand....for me I know it's all in God's matter how long it takes them to show you can't make it go faster! God is in control...leave it all on HIS shoulders. I'm WAITING TOO! UGGHHH!

  2. yeah, the home study takes a while to write up. It sounds easy, but it's a formal document written to the state that has to encapsulate everything they've learned about you from all sources into a 4-page document. It's VERY thorough.

    Not to worry, thought, because waiting is part and parcel of the process. Enjoy the time together, take some vacations, and get ready for an amazing addition to your family!

  3. I'm sorry to hear about the almost disaster with the home study. Bummer. I can imagine (maybe I can't) the range of emotions you must have been feeling. I'm so glad that you called the C.W. and that she was able to come out. It's sort of a bummer that they didn't spell out the expectations of after the study clearly so that you would be disappointed. That just doesn't seem right.

    However, I'd totally echo Tracey. It's in God's hands and on His timeline. As hard as that is and as long as you've waited... but I know you both are going to make fabulous, fantastic parents and I'm praying that you get your new little one as soon as possible!!

  4. I can understand your frustration. I was surprised at first to learn from our case worker that it would take her two months to write up our home study. But I remembered reading through a few home studies during our adoption seminar and they really are quite detailed. I don't know if it will help, but you should remember that you've done all you can do at this point. It's out of your hands now, and in time, you two will be great parents.

  5. I'm so sorry you got such a slap in the face yesterday. It really stinks. I'm not going to try to placate you with sentiments like "God is in control" because I know you are fully aware of anything I could say. At the very least it is good fodder for your book! Maybe even a whole chapter!
    Love you Bekah...I'm so glad the "work" part is over!

  6. I'm glad the final home study is over. Isn't it frustrating that they only take 5 minutes to look at your house and it really seems they are only looking at the decor when you spent so much time and effort to make it "perfect"? That's how ours went too.

    I'm sorry that it will take so long for your report to get written up. It's very frustrating being in the hands of another person. Especially when it feels like they are taking forever on something you feel should be top priority.

    I'll be praying for you both!

  7. I totally understand! I know how frustrating it is that someone is holding your entire life in their hands, and it is just another day at work for them. You're right, though, all of these little things that take the extra time are a part of God's plan and he's just aligning the stars so it all happens at the right time. Keep hanging in there and try to plan a few little get-aways or something to give you something else to look forward to. Or get a dog - our little one is taking so much of our attention and it is wonderful! :)

  8. UGHH! technology, you know back in the old days when someone had to actually write down the appt in their calendar/dayplanner, there were probably less opportunities for missed appointments, but I am so relieved that she was able to come to your house. She could have very easily said that she wouldn't be there until next week and I might have just had to send her a mental thunk on the head! ; )

    I love what you said about this just being another notch on God's timeline. How true. Jay and I have known for almost 5 years that we would adopt but only in the past few months does it seem to really be happening. But I know that this is what God has planned, and it would have taken this long even if we had joined with the agency years ago.

  9. I know it is frustrating. But, you know that God knows and that is what you have to rest in. The fact that you have not limited yourselves so severely will help your profile to get seen more and, you are right, God has your child chosen already. Just give it to Him and enjoy your Ben. If you think you have been distracted with the getting ready, just wait.

    My advice - go on dates (and a LOT of em) now. Cherish this time fully. It will seem slow at times, but when it comes time will be FLYING!!!!

    Praying for ya!
    Becky Jo

  10. I know the delays suck, but God usually has a hand in delays!!!

  11. I know we haven't even started the adoption process - we're still very much in the 'thinking about it', discernment phase, but so much of what you've said here about the process resonates so clearly, particularly the bit about answering questions no biological parent would ever have to answer. I know that the whole point of the process is for the case worker to be able to match the right child with the right parents, but sometimes I get so frustrated and angry thinking about how much we will have to go through - quantifying and qualifying and justifying our desire for a child. And I totally get the thing about 3 months feeling like an eternity when you've already been waiting 4 years.

    I'm sorry that the frustrations are continuing and that the wait is longer than you had hoped for and been led to expect. I hope that in the midst of all this you'll continue feel God's hand in it. You're very much in my thoughts and prayers.

    Thanks, too, for your words of encouragement to me earlier today.

  12. Everything about the journey through IF and adoption is so hard b/c we have NO control! NO control over when they get that paperwork done and turned in! No control over who will see us and when! NO control on when that baby gets here! However, as believers, we can rest in knowing who is in control! Even though that's so hard sometimes!!
    Hang in there! Keep pressing on!!

  13. Congrats on completing your home study. Bummer that you have to wait for her to finish it but I echo everyone else's comments that it's in God's hands. I'm a control freak and this process has been so hard for that part of my personality. :) The nursery is coming along SO WELL. :) Absolutely adorable. :)

  14. Aw, hugs! I totally get it. I have a feeling though, that if a situation comes up...she'll stay up all night to get your homestudy written in time. You are in the right place to rest in the Sovereignty of God, but it's getting our emotions aligned with what we is easier said than done. Trust me, I know! :)

  15. Hey, did you get your hair cut? It looks shorter in the look so pretty :) Lookin' forward to seeing you tomorrow and giving you a big hug.

  16. thankfully we are God' timeline and not our SW's :)

    I am very excited to here about "the call" that will change your life, it will be here before you know it!

  17. {{{{HUGS}}}} to you, Rebekah! I know how frustrating it can be when things don't go the way you imagined they would. I love your attitude that it's all going to work out when it should. :)


  18. I know how horrible it is to wait one more day. When I traveled to Europe in February I had to wait until after I got back for our first appointment because the social worker didn't have the time to do it before my trip. It seemed like an eternity to me.

    But you have the right attitude and your baby is out there. I know it. It will be here soon. Why did they tell you that they don't show your profile a lot at the beginning? That sounds strange to me. I thought that they should show profiles according to the wishes of the birthparents. Do you know how many waiting families they currently have? How many babies do they place a year?