Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Day 67 (For the 2nd Time Today)

Anyone see it? Last week I was reading my favorite guilty pleasure [PEOPLE magazine] and I saw this advertisement. My eye naturally catches all things pregnant and I stopped to read the page.

A new ABC Family Original Series. Premieres July 1.

The girl looks to be about 15. And pregnant. Hmpf. I flipped to the next page quickly and tried to continue reading, but the celebs and hot buys were just not keeping my attention. While I looked through the week's "hot bachelors" all I could think about was said girl on page 8. I gave in, ripped out the ad, and asked Ben to set it on the DVR. It's a complete dichotomy. I know in my heart I shouldn't watch or read stories of young girls getting pregnant....yet there's something that draws me in--attracts me to their ability. There has been a lot of stir in the Media lately from Juno to Baby Mama [couldn't bring myself to watch that one] to the 17 girls at Gloucester High. My heart screams shut it out; my mind craves more.

Curiosity won and I watched the premier over a late dinner. Here's my synopsis. Acting HORRIBLE. Christians (and they're blatant) FRUITY. Story line...heartbreaking. It's unclear what the show's message will portray (I'm sure it will reveal itself in the next few episodes). Teens having sex is the premise, but not in a steamy, explicit way. Rather an awkward trying-to-find-love-and-acceptance way. I was cheering for a Juno-ending for the purpose of those trying to adopt. We could use more media-light on the beauty of adoption. But, alas, the show is only an hour, and the girl 4 weeks pregnant. To find the answer I'd be forced to commit to a season of drama--and teenage drama at that. Not really my thing.

I turned the TV off and felt a stir of emotions. I was angry and sad, indifferent yet bitter, jealous, but at peace. I went to the message boards (again, I just can't quite get enough) and found several forums talking about the premiere. One forum was labeled "Teens Facing Pregnancy." I kid you not, there were over 70 posts. "I'm 15 and in a similar situation...", "I just turned 17 and am afraid my parents are going to freak out...", "How soon should I tell my boyfriend?", "I'm 14 and know others that are in my situation, but am afraid to start telling people..." Page after page, I read every post. Every line. The advice was even more appalling. What is going on in our society that it's now "ok" for 14 and 15 year olds to get pregnant? Even worse, is that all the reply posts were encouraging the moms to parent. Parent! How can a 15 year old parent a child? My soul is ripped to shreds. I'm so angry and it's not about my lack of pregnancy, it's the acceptance of theirs!

To add to my already emotion-driven night, I received an email from our agency that offered the following information: "Currently, we have approximately 110 families waiting in our Caucasian and transracial programs combined. The wait times have increased somewhat across the board, due to things like the economy in the US. Birth mothers are feeling the crunch of the economy, as well, and seem to have the notion that 'if I can’t get a job, at least I can have a baby.' In addition, there has been a glamorization of single parenthood over the years, and young single women do not have as great a stigma attached when they discover they are pregnant. Single parenthood has become a more acceptable option. We are now advising new families that the placement of a Caucasian baby could, but not necessarily will, take around two years..."

Again, I'm not angry that I'm not pregnant. I'm not even angry that I have to wait; I'm confident that we'll get placed quickly [however, misplaced that confidence might be]. I'm angry at parents for not wrapping their arms around their kids and offering them security. I'm angry that teenagers equate love with sex. I'm angry that babies are served on plates of injustice, completely outside their control. I'm angry that society stamps their approval and I'm even more angry that the abortion monster rages louder than the small sweet breath of adoption.

I find myslef crying, "LORD, what do I do?" I firmly believe that TRUTH demands a response. When faced with Truth we can walk away and say " thank you, that's not for me" or we can pull ourselves into action and do something about what we've experienced. I'm not a walk-away kind of girl. I'm a pound-on-the-doors-of-heaven-until-I-get-an-answer-kind-of girl.

For starters, I'm gonna write a book. The revelation is still coming, but I did start my forward [however, premature, it may be]. Until book signing time, I pray, "Lord, show me how to use my voice. Show me how to make a difference."

For now, that's all I know how to do.


  1. Oh my God, you have hit on my thoughts exactly. I recently heard from a college friend of mine who gave me an update on her family. Her niece (who I remember as a baby, by the way!) just graduated from high school and is five months pregnant. She got into good colleges, but is going to stay home instead and raise the baby. I was floored! This made me crazy, on top of the news out of Massachusetts last week about the 17 girls who allegedly formed a "pact" to get pregnant and to help one another parent their children. When I was that age I could not have imagined doing such a thing - and I could not have imagined raising a child in such a difficult environment. I think part of the problem is that adoption, itself, has a stigma. People think the mother is giving up the child because she doesn't love it. I think a lot of that has changed, but there's still a lot of education to do.

  2. You are so continue to push through in the face of adversity, even though it STINKS. I look forward to getting a signed copy of the book one day (hopefully the second, since Laura called dibs on the first). You are such a gifted and talented writer and those who will read your book will be encouraged through your words, Love you

  3. I saw the previews and stayed away, I was angry just seeing the previews.

    I thought about you a lot after I read your post last night. Prayed for you and I know God has such a great plan for you. You should write a book, you have such a talent for words! I would definitely buy it...and have you sign it of course :)

    I am working on a new blog lay out and I was looking for a verse that really spoke to me...though LOTS do that - I had heard this before but yesterday was an ah-ha moment with it. So last night...well, really early this morning - and I mean early!! 4:30...I thought about you and that you might like this verse as well.

    I hope you have a great holiday, as always - in my prayers.


    Psalm 27:14

    Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

  4. Can I get an AMEN on that one sister?

    I haven't seen Juno - but REALLY want to. I did see Baby Mama. Not a good time for you to see it. Take my word on that one. Did not love it.

    Did, however, love your post.

  5. I saw previews for it too and tried to watch it. It didn't hold my interest,,,probably because I turned it on 20 minutes after it had already started, but anyway, yet again I think we are glamorizing teen pregnancy. I am sure everyone thinks why would a teen glamorize this? we are trying to show the real side! well, teenagers do not think like we do.
    1. they like drama
    2. they always want their peers to think they are "cool" and in highschool sex=cool

    I work with our youth group at church and I cannot tell you how many teens are happy to tell me and others that they "might be pregnant" just to either get a reaction out of us or to let us know they are having sex.

    I think they just want everyone to know:
    See boys want me!
    See I am loved!
    See I am attractive!
    See I am part of the rebellious cool kids!

    It is so hard because so many kids are not getting the attention and time they need from their families at home and it just stems into everything else. They come to church and we fight for them, try to encourage them, try to place GOD in between them and what they face every day but a couple hours a week from us isn't enough to undo what years or them trying to raise them selves (because mom and dad are too wrapped up in their own problem) has made them into.

    And, yes, very often they keep the baby and start the cycle over. I am all for birth moms keeping their babies if they are getting the help they need, too few are getting it or want it.

  6. This makes me SO mad. Living in MA and hearing the teen pregnancy pact story - I was totally angry. What was even worse that the pact itself was the complete denial by the school, school board, etc. that they had a problem on their hands. I have friends that work on educating teens against sex, but it's still so hard. Teachers in middle schools have pregnant girls in their classes... it's sad.

    It's like you said, our culture seems to make it "ok" for kids to have kids. Look at Brittney S.pears little sister. Look at how the media is "glamourizing pregnancy" - all these celebs having babies out of wedlock. It's like our whole culture has thrown values out the window.

    What is even harder for me, is that I see so many of these girls on welfare. And then they become the vicious cycle of ... child = more money. So they have more children. But the children aren't cared for. And so they get thrown in foster care. And the mom has more children.

    Sad story to illustrate the point: My friend adopted some kids out of foster care. The mom of these kids was 1 year older than me (at the time) - so she was 24. She had a 7, 6, 5 and 3 year old that were taken into foster care. Just as her parental rights were revoked, she found out she was pregnant with #5. The even scarier thing - her mom was 36 and the 24 year old was the oldest of 12 kids! Some of her siblings were in foster care and her youngest siblings was younger than her child... and she thought it was normal to be pregnant at the same time as her mother. It was a super sad story. I cannot tell you the abuse, heartbreak, and terrors my friends kids went through.

    I've been to orphanages in other countries - India and Morocco - and yet although these kids despretely need families, the country laws make it so hard to adopt.

    How do you change the views of society when everything is so selfishly, me-centrically, you-can-do-it, liberated focused? Rebekah I pray that you will find a voice and an ability to do so. I will join you on my knees.

  7. This is such a raw and emotional post, thank you for writing it!
    I have been so selfish and wrapped up in my own pain, I have been turning my thoughts away from things like teenage pregnancy and abortion. Things I used to think a lot about and have a real voice on.
    I think you are doing such great work to write a book about this and I would be first in line to get a copy.
    I've had so many friends get abortions in the past several years (one because, and I am dead serious about this, she didn't want to get "fat." she was married to the father.) and it makes me so sick with disgust when I think about what they have done. Especially the ones that have watched me suffer through infertility, knowing that they killed their baby. I try not to think about it, but the truth is it's there and we have to think about those things. The reason there aren't enough babies for adoption is because of abortion and emergency contraceptives, it's sad but true. Places like Planned Parenthood who tell young girls it's not murder to kill a baby, it's just good sense.
    I am sick right now just thinking about it.
    I know you will get your baby. I talk to God about it often and I know he is going to fufill the desire of your heart to be a mother. Keep faithful and strong and don't let the world weigh you down. God is so good and so amazing and He is bigger than all of this and us.

  8. I am new to your blog but I just wanted to say that this post really touched me. I am actually in tears thinking about all of the babies that are killed each year because it is the easy way out when there are so many couples out there that want to parent those children. I wish you luck in your wait but know that God has a plan and you will get matched in his time.

  9. I hear ya....on every point you made. It is interesting how this road has so many ups-and-downs, just like infertility. There are some things that will never cease to make me angry and others that I hope will subside with time. I agree with Nancy, the MA pact of 17 pregnant girls just amazes me. You'd think one of them would have had enough brains to say "this isn't such a good idea!" I'm with you on staying away from "baby mama." I have lots of faith that you will have a quick placement! God willing!

  10. I saw the premiere, too. Like you I am dragged to all things pregnancy related. Therefore I can completely relate to your post and your feelings about it.

  11. I've seen the promos for this show and like you, was a little curious about it. I did not watch so, thanks for your review! Very sad indeed!
    This is beautifully written!! You have a strong and passionate voice that you use very well.
    I am glad that the e-mail from your agency did not discourage you. Hang in there!

  12. Wow, I LOVE this post. There are so many issues out there relating to adoption and the lack of accurate or supportive information available. Things are changing, but oh so slowly! I hope we can all do our parts, whatever they may be, to change the worldview one small step at a time. I can't wait until your book comes out, I will read it again and again! I think I will write one someday too, but I don't know yet exactly when that will happen.

    As for the email from your is a rough one. You have such a great attitude though, and I know that will see you through. Waiting is hard, there's no way around that. Some days it's harder than I ever imagined. Having friends like you and other people who know what the adoption roller coaster is like has been a Godsend for me. I've only recently found so many fellow bloggers, and I already can't imagine what I did without all of you!

    THANK YOU so much (from the bottom of my heart, really) for your sweet and thoughtful comment on my blog the other day. You brought tears to my eyes and you made me remember that pushing through is really the only way. It's what we all have to day, one hour, one minute at a time.

    {{{Hugs to you}}}


  13. Thank you for putting into words what we have all felt at some point. One of the things I will never understand (and would love to ask God someday) is why a gracious, merciful God would allow children to be born into homes that He knows are not going to be good for the kids. Why He allows them to be abused, neglected, unloved when there are so many of us who would LOVE to have those kids. So many of us who long to love a child and nurture and care for them.

    I also agree with you 100% that there is not enough emphasis put on adoption. I sometimes get a little frustrated with the Christian community that we push so hard on the pro-life front, but we don't offer an alternative. We say these women need to give life to their children, but go no further with it. We need to be out there offering to help them or help inform them about adoption. That they have one more option besides abort or keep.

    That's my soapbox - maybe I'll post about that. Thanks so much for your thoughts!!

  14. Wow. You go, girl! What a tremendous post; it was filled with the kind of passion that this topic deserves!

    I saw the premeire. It's important to realize that it's from the creators of "7th Heaven" the terribly-acted show about a Christian pastor and his rebelious children. I absolutely hated 7th Heaven. I give credit to the writers, who were obviously believers and were trying to convey real Biblical Truth in a prime-time time slot. What killed the show was the terrible acting and "campy" family moments that were totally unrealistic.

    "Secret Lives..." falls into some of the same traps with steretyping. Why do the Christians have to be portrayed by the ditzy, picture-perfect cheerleader? I digress....

    I'm sure there will be a positive adoption message that comes out of the show based on the writers' faith and convitions. I just hope they don't end up making it cheezy

  15. I think that is awesome what your church is doing!! I think more churches need to get on board with that. Way to go!

  16. I'm watching TV relaxing after work and a commercial came on for that show...I definitely have to agree with you on this. Its ridiculous that teen pregnancy is suddenly deemed as 'okay.' I know you said that a lot of your posts have raw emotion, but personally I would rather read something that is from the heart than just skims over the surface! I enjoy your writing, Rebekah!