Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Day 74

Home Study Part 2 Complete

Our individual interviews are done! Only one more step until we're approved!! I still can't believe this is happening. My heart questions the smoothness of the process. Really, no hiccups? It's this 'easy'? [I use the term loosely] I'm fearful that clear paths = rocky futures. I'm praying, as I'm sure every adoptive mother does, Lord, let it be quick. I would rather have the "there's a baby at the hospital for you" call then "a mother's picked you, she's 3 months along" call. But... like everything else, I have no choice in the matter.

The interview was easy. Case worker (Jodi) asked about family (a LOT about family) and my view of Ben. My view of me. There was one question that blind-sighted me. After about an hour of family/upbringing/siblings talk, Jodi asked [real serious mind you], "Are you satisfied with the intimacy of your relationship?" A smile here to Timbuktu spread across my face. I know I was doing that goofy I-don't-want-to-be-laughing-at-this-but-
I-can't-help-it smile, but I couldn't erase it. I gave in to the lopsided grin and responded with a simple "you have no idea!" She smiled back, "I do. I can tell." Thank God we moved right along.

I ended our meeting by asking more questions without answers. That's the worst part. The unknown. I asked her to clarify our conversation in the last meeting about a Caucasian baby. Real subtle-like I said, "You lead me to believe that we would most likely not be chosen for a Caucasian baby." She answered with, "For sure. That won't happen. Your child will be bi-racial or African American." Right. You gotta love brutal honesty!

I wasn't asking for fear of cold feet. I love the idea of being a trans-racial family. I was asking from an economic stand point. We declared open to all races, which equates a $1200 fee. If we choose only bi-racial or African American then the fee is waived. My savvy shopper instinct kicked in as I put two and two together. "So, if we're not going to get a Caucasian child then why don't we choose the bi-racial, African American path and ditch the fee?"

"You can," was her answer. "If you choose the trans-racial program you actually only have to do a one page profile--a lot less information is needed. We try to make it as easy as possible to sway others into the program."

Excuse my bluntness [I did not say this to Jodi]. Are they just giving these kids away? Less fees, less information, less wait. What is wrong with this picture??? All I know is that I've been assured we'll get snatched within 6 months, opposed to the 2+ year wait for Caucasian infants. Crazy!

I'm not diving into the politics or semantics of the situation, tonight. I'm rejoicing that momhood is right around the bend.

[oh, and we decided to remain "open." We want to give God all options.]


  1. Six months, huh?? That's super exciting, Bek! I know that's not written in any kind of stone, but still, it seems like HOPE is offered here, and I'm so glad for you! Better let me know if you need help on the babies room :)!

  2. I kind of understand what they're doing. They're providing incentives to get people away from the "Caucasian only" mentality. The need is far greater in the AA and mixed camp, so they found a creative way to steer people toward the greater need.

    Hey, if people want to wait 2+ years for a caucasian baby, God Bless 'em. Josiah is so perfect that I couldn't imagine going any other way!

  3. I am soooooooo excited for you. We were open to anything and just let God bring us whoever He wanted us to parent. Our Sophie is biracial, but the funny thing is she looks JUST LIKE my uber caucasian husband!!! Isn't God awesome?!?!?!?!

    I could not imagine any other child fitting us so perfectly. We are over the moon in love with BOTH our girls!

  4. Congrats on completing part two...isn't it such a great feeling to be moving along?! I'm so excited for you at the news that you may not have to wait as long as you were initially thinking, that's great!

    I'm with you on leaving your options open. I don't see any point in limiting options from the beginning, to me that seems detrimental to the whole process. I've heard so many people say their baby is THE perfect baby for them and their family...I think there is a reason most matches come to be...because there are similarities there that can't be invented.

    GOOD LUCK...I so can't wait to {someday soon} read about you becoming a mommy!!


  5. i hate hearing about how bi-racial children are "cheaper".

    we need to change the thinking that if we are white we need a white baby so they fit in better.

    i think adopting any and every child should be viewed as beautiful and perfect.


  6. Yeah!! This is such awesome news. Praise God!!

  7. 6 months! That's so exciting!! So you're at least 3 months "pregnant" now! The timing will be perfect, it always is. *big hugs*

  8. I was just going to comment on how perfect the timing is against your "waiting for our baby" calendar...Six months + almost three months= Full Term. Although, for your sake...hopefully your baby comes early!
    Well, entering the second trimester is usually have more energy, the sickness subsides and the s3x is great...wait, "You have no idea!" At least you have had the benefit of good s3x all along.

    Sorry male readers...but she did start it.

    So happy for you and are going to rock your little childs world.

  9. Wow, that is crazy that they incentivize people to adopt intra-racially, but I guess it's just the world we live in now.
    I am so glad your meeting went well and you are one step closer to being a mommy. ;)

  10. Good's nice to be paper pregnant....and now we wait!

  11. It will be quicker than you know it. I am glad you are one stop closer...

  12. I love how you question the same way I do. I know they can't say for sure, but how wonderful would it be to just know WHEN. Our agency is small and local, and because of the racial make-up of our area, there really isn't a different cost or wait time for trans-racial adoptions (at least they don't state that there is). They just state "up to two years...or more." What does that even mean? So we just fold our hands and wait for whatever comes.....whenever it comes!

  13. my nine year old has her whole life planned (ha) and she is never going to get married and she is going to adopt an African American little girl so she can do cute hair styles with lots of bows etc...I think it's a shame they don't have the same guidelines...SAD!

  14. Yeah, with our adoption, we started our paperwork (prelim. app.) on Feb. 9, and our son was born on June 14. (He is one month today!)So...five months for us!! :) That's just how it works for transracial adoption at times because the need is great for "open" families. We will always do transracial adoption because of the obvious need.

    Glad your interviews are over!! It's a lot of sharing, isn't it?!?