Questions we've been asked that make us step back and say, "Seriously?"
"We're still believing that you'll have your own baby, someday. Crazier things have happened!"
I used to let this one go, but now I respond with, "That would definitely be a miracle, but it's a miracle I'm not praying for. We love that our family is being built through adoption and hope God continues to use us that way." And P.S. we are having our own baby...it's just coming through Rebekah.
"Oooh...do you think she'll change her mind?"
I can't tell you how many people have asked me this question. It's an instant conversation end-er if I've ever heard one!
"I don't understand why she wouldn't just keep the baby, if she already has kids of her own..."
And I don't understand why you would be saying this to me, right now! You do realize that the only way Ben and I will ever become parents is for someone to give us their baby, right? That, of course, is what I wanted to say...instead I politely turned the conversation around and told them just how awesome Rebekah is and that we support the decision that she feels God has directed her to make.
"She already has kids? Doesn't she believe in birth control?"
This one took some serious restraint as I almost punched this woman straight in the nose. I immediately asked her if she remembered the story of Mary Magdalene when Jesus said, "Let he without sin cast the first stone," and continued to tell her that this is the first child Rebekah has had outside of wedlock and that she's one of the better moms I've seen. She stammered over her words, got flush in the face, and tried to tell me that she didn't mean to insinuate that Rebekah wasn't a good mother. I walked away with, "I know what you meant," and didn't let her finish.
Now this last one actually came from Rebekah's doctor and was asked of her...
(Doctor sees adoption on her chart - asks about a match - she tells him about us)
"My wife and I are actually looking to adopt. Do you think we could be next in line if something falls through?"
What?!? Doesn't this breech some sort of doctor code? "Next in line?" This isn't a couch on Craigslist, buddy...That's my son, you're talking about!
All the other questions are fun. I love answering questions about Rebekah and the baby... if we'll get to name the little guy, etc. It's the off-the-wall ones that send me to the ring. I love this woman so much and would defend her to the death. Why do people feel they have the right to be so insensitive? Everyone always says, "Oh, they mean well." But do they?
Just this week I have had two people ask if they could pray for me. I'm not one to turn down prayer, but I'm seriously considering it next time someone asks. Both persons immediately touched my belly and started praying for God to open my womb....SERIOUSLY? "Um...Lord, pardon the eye roll, but could you please send out a memo?" Ben happened to be around for the second request...revert back a couple weeks and remember his valiant knight-in-shining-armor efforts...he stopped the person before they started praying. His response, "Actually, we're going to decline that prayer, thank you. We appreciate your thoughtfulness, but we're really excited about the path God has for us and would like to continue it. Those kind of prayers don't help."
I know, I know, some of you non-adopting/infertility people might think that may have been uncalled for. It's only prayer, after all, right? Maybe for you, but for us, it's a constant reminder of how many people don't respect our decision to adopt....and how many don't see adoption as the miracle we've been waiting for. After two years of this nonsense, we're calling it like it is. This girl is closed for "open womb" prayers. Been there, done that. If God chooses to do so, great, but I've moved on with my life. Why can't everyone else?