Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Day 246

The strategy continues to work!! (Blogger was acting funky and didn't post my 12/25 blog until the 28th, you may need to go back and read my last post to hear about my new lease on life!) I just got back from an uber-relaxing vacation with my immediate family and survived the down-time beautifully [Usually down-time = sit around and think about baby-time]!

I had fun loving on my sister's little Nya....

The highlight of the week was family ice skating. Pictures didn't turn out that great due to all the movement, but here's what I have:

Me and my youngest sister, Gabrielle.

The newly engaged: Mom and Peter

Even Nya tries it out!

Fun with both my sisters!

Ben shows me up with his fancy moves and ability to skate backwards!

My little brother mastered jumps and spins by the end of the night!

It was such a nice trip. My body is rested and my mind clear. I am looking forward to the new year and am trying to move on with my life (planning trips, setting goals, spending money, etc). I am not going to live my life in a "waiting" state anymore...I can't. I cannot continue next year with my life on hold, in hopes that a baby will come around the next corner. Obviously, I do hope our baby is in the very near future, but for sanity purposes, I'm moving on!

As usual, God's timing and stirring is perfect. I had two important packets of information waiting for me when I got home. The first was from Adoption Associates (our agency) and the second was from Bethany Christian Services (the agency I requested info from during last week's rage...and the agency I would pick if we decided to sign up with a second agency).

I opened our agency packet first [I treat every correspondence like gold]. It was a very long letter painting the current picture of Michigan adoption and economic hardship. Nothing really came as an extreme surprise (I get monthly updates) - International adoption has nearly stopped as baby trafficking and border security increases and Domestic adoption has stats equal to half that of last year. Economic hardship has kept new adopting families away and the glamor of celebrity single parenting encourages birthmoms to raise babies on their own (keeping birthmoms away). The letter went on to say that many agencies are being forced to close due to financial strain and that all the above issues have not escaped Adoption Associates. We are required to attend a mandatory meeting on January 12th. The letter was certainly gloom and doom and didn't offer an ounce of encouragement....but miraculously I am at complete peace. I don't foresee the agency closing all together (especially since they just bought out some out-of-state agencies) but I'm sure their news will dramatically effect international adoption (most of the letter was focused on the international issues)...which affects me because those families may jump to domestic....or I could be wrong and they could tell us that they're shutting the doors and we're out our initial investment. Not sure.

I opened the second packet from Bethany Services and didn't have even the slightest interest to thumb through the entire packet. I know that the days I'm on speaking terms with God are outweighed by the days I'm not...but that doesn't erase the lifetime of intimacy with him that I've experienced. The quiet knowing in my soul and peace in my head tell me one thing - God is moving. I have no idea what he's doing in terms of baby, but in terms of me, he's moving mountains in my heart.

I quietly put both packets away for safekeeping and resolved to do nothing (accept attend our meeting on January 12th). It feels right and good.


  1. I so understand every word. . Nice to hear I am not alone and there are other waiting adoptive Mommies who feel so much like I do. I think you've made some solid decisions. You'll always be in my thoughts in hopes your baby will find you soon! Pep

  2. I'm glad that you are feeling more at peace. It looks like you had a blast with your family! I'm curious as to what AA has to say at their mandatory meeting. I know that adoption agencies and facilitators are hurting right now.

    I'm right there with you about living life. I am planning on a vacation in July and DH said, "What if we have our baby by then?" I am done with "What ifs" and have to deal with what is.

    Good for you!

  3. Bethany is where we went for initial interview and I loved them. I loved everything about them... except the cost and how we could afford it. That is why we are not doing anything right now since all of the money we spent on the surrogacy attempts.

  4. Hang in there! We took the "not putting our life on hold" too and it really does help once you decide you aren't going to sit around and wait anymore.

    I'm curious what was in your packet from Bethany. We used them and they were wonderful!!! I can't say enough about how great they were. This time around has been no different. You have to follow your heart and do what feels right for you.

  5. ENGAGED??? How exciting :)! Missed you over Christmas...can't wait to catch up. I'm proud of you and you look beautiful in the pictures...

  6. So glad to hear you had such a great trip and that you did not have to drive :) Gald you are back. Missed you!! Looking forward to a game night, warm fires, and hot choc. that we have yet to take advantage of.

  7. Rebekah, I am glad to hear things are going better for you. The wait is so trying. I did want to see tell you about the agency we used! It was SO FAST!!!!!! Esp. for AA adoption b/c they network all over the us. Email me at rundmk1@aol.com if you want me to explain more. I don't want to put to much about them on a public forum until our adoption is finalized. -Diana

  8. I just "happened" onto your blog and am so encouraged to hear words that mirror what I'm thinking! My husband and I have been approved through Bethany since July, and this time off during the holidays has been a struggle for me...it's like you have to CHOOSE to keep on keeping on, sometimes moment by moment. It's weird how comforting it is just to know that you're not alone in your feelings while it seems like the whole world is moving on in life without you. Thank God that He "knows the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans you give you a hope and a future." I will keep following your story...just let me know if you have any questions about Bethany!

  9. I'm glad you had such a good and relaxing vacation, you definitely needed that!

    I'm curious to know what your agency has to say on the 12th and I hope your gut feelings are correct. Keep us posted!


  10. Nya is about the sweetest little thing I've ever seen!!! Looks like your family had a blast ice skating. Glad you're having more peace. Have a wonderful New Years!

  11. I have been following your blog for months... and as a barren women myself, my heart breaks for you again and again. But there is hope. I am now the mother of two through adoption, with one more on the way. I would love the chance to tell you about our agency, or actually the ministry through which we are adopting - if you are interested, please e-mail me. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Your baby is coming, and will be so worth all your waiting.


  12. I pray much peace for you in the coming time..........as you wait while God works! You must do exactly what you are saying...keep planning and living your life! Then, the surprise of a phone call will catch you off guard and be all the sweeter a surprise!
    I can testify that you can do it!!

  13. Hello again- I haven't been on line since 12/24, but I've been thinking about you and praying for you and Ben. I will be thinking of you guys on Mon. when you go to your meeting. I know families who have adopted through Bethany Christian Services both domestically and internationally, and the babies from those adoptions are such tremendous blessings- as any baby would be.
    Over the holidays I stumbled upon the name of an adoption agency in FL that places infants with families in many diffrent states. I checked their website and the agency looks great. I'll share more about it if you are interested. In the mean time, I'll be praying that the meeting on 1/12 goes well and is encouraging.