Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Day 239

Got our second update from the agency.

We have not been shown.

Not once in two months.

I know it's hard to keep track of all the activity so let me do a recap [dripping sarcasm]. In 4 months of waiting our profile has been shown one time.

I don't have any words. I'm trying to hold it together on my last day of work, but all I really want to do is curl up in a ball and hide in bed until the end of the year.

I want to scream....and yell...and maybe throw a tantrum, but all I can do is cry.

My heart hurts. Bad.

28 comments:

  1. That is unreal! What are they saying about it? I can't imagine the heartbreak you are going through. I'm sooo sorry. I hope that this waiting process is over soon. You've been through enough already. We all know that God is in control, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. We want him to give us a break sometimes!

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  2. Rebekah, I am so sorry! I don't get updates, but I am sure we are in the exact same position and it is plain unfair! I know it doesn't provide much comfort, but know that it only takes once! For what its worth, I would pick you! :)

    Hugs and Love!!!

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  3. So sorry for the heartache you are experiencing. No one can say or do anything to make you feel better, so I am not going to try. Just know that many people are praying for you.

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  4. praying that the precious baby God has planned for you will come soon!

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  5. Rebekah....I'm sooo sorry. I know this hurt you are feeling. Is your agency have less placements this year? That seems like a really low number to me.......
    I'm just praying so hard that this 2009 new year brings you the baby that God has made just for you. My heart and my thoughts & prayers are with you. Hang in there......the pain will end one day.

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  6. SO sorry to hear this news. Love you and standing with you.

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  7. I'm so sorry to hear this, Rebekah. It makes me wonder if your agency has placed fewer children than expected this year. I know that does nothing to lessen your pain. I hope your wait won't be for much longer.

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  8. Ug. That totally SUCKS. :( You and Ben are in our prayers.

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  9. I have no words ...

    But, you know I have been there and I am sending you a symathetic "girl, I totally understand" hug! And a lot of love and a LOT of prayers!

    It will happen, I promise

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  10. Why only once?? That is so upsetting...I'm sorry. I personally understand the pain of not having a child, but ugh, the frustration you must feel at waiting like this. Please know we're praying for you!

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  11. That stinks! Were they able to give you an explanation?

    Hopefully the new year will bring you better news!!!

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  12. My heart sinks with you! I'm sorry!

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  13. I don't understand this at all. I'm more than happy to recommend our agency - just e-mail me (if you still have my address) or post on my blog and I'll get it for you. We worked with 2 agencies at once and ended up getting matched by the second one. HUGS to you. This really sucks, but you're baby is a-comin', I can just feel it!

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  14. I know nothing will make you feel better and you haven't asked for advice, but if you want to talk you can email me and we can exchange numbers. Sometimes it helps to talk to a stranger. I will keep you in my prayers. Hold on tight to hubby. God bless.

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  15. That makes no sense. You guys are SO open with what kind of baby you'd accept, I can't imagine that you haven't even been considered! What birthmom wouldn't want to at least look at you guys?

    I think you need to ask your agency a lot of hard questions.

    Also, have you thought of going with another agency? Maybe as a supplement to what you're doing now or maybe a full-on switch. That's crazy.

    Also, have you guys looked at DHS placements?

    Rebekah, I'm so sorry. I wish you'd gotten different news. Or at least received the news after Christmas. Prayers are being said...

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  16. No words of wisdom, just wanted you to know I continue to pray and I believe God has the whole thing under control....huge hugs!!!!

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  17. Throw said tantrum in you need to, dear Heart. Better out than in. I'm watching Juno (oddly enough) as I type this, and already cried for you.

    Love you to the ends of the earth...

    L.

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  18. oh sweetie hang in there - gosh I know the wait is hard- esp. around the holidays or always seemed harder for me then --((hugs))

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  19. I am soooo sorry Rebekah!!! We are praying for you guys!!!

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  20. I agree with Jessica to look into a different agency. Maybe even try to retrieve some of your fees from this one. That is really unheard of for a couple who desire a non-white baby, any gender. I am really in shock. At our agency, which is a tiny one only have about 25 placements a year- the average wait for a couple so open is around 6 months or less.

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  21. I am so sorry... I am praying for you.
    *hugs*

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  22. R- My heart just hurts for you. I would be asking some very serious questions of my agency. I do know that the adoption business was hurting badly this year. Placements overall have been down. This is not much comfort though for those of us who are waitin for a child.

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  23. Oh Sweetie- My heart hurts for you-
    bad! I'm crying too! You and Ben seem like the ideal parents. It appears that any birth mom would be thrilled to have you and Ben as an option to provide a much needed home for their child. One thought comes to mind as I type this. Have you and Ben looked in to the posibility of adopting through the foster care system? I don't know how things are in your state, but I know 5 couples here in IA who have adopted infants that way. One couple has adopted 4 babys, 2 of whom are biological siblings.
    I know there is more risk involved going this route, but from what I've seen, the potential for great blessings is there!
    BTW- I am a "Juno" fan. The first time I saw it I teard up when Juno said to the potential adoptive mom "You're lucky that you don't have to go throught this." I can imagine a statement like that would just stab an infertal(sp?) woman in the heart!
    You and Ben are in my prayers!!
    HUGS!

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  24. Hey Sweetie! Somehow I missed this blog entry, but I am so sorry you feel so defeated by this right now. I can relate so well, believe me. Hang in there and try to have a good Christmas with Ben.

    Hugs,

    Melba

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  25. That sucks. I don't understand. Ugh. Praying for you sweetie.
    ~~HUGS~~

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  26. That is NOT something you want to find out right before Christmas. What was your agency thinking sending it to you then, let alone the issue of why they aren't showing you. I agree with previous commenters you need to think about whether you're with the right agency. But I remember you saying in a previous post something about wanting a closed/semi-open adoption? Is that maybe the reason?

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  27. I know how you feel... we got an update from our agency-- they had a whopping 8 birthmothers in the entire year and of those 3 actually placed. I know that sounds fishy... the organization we are working with is totally legit, but adoption is only one of many services they provide. We chose this organization because it was small, thinking that would increase our odds of being chosen, but now I'm not so sure... It's hard, I know. It's even harder to express to others how it feels. I'm sending prayers your way!!!

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  28. I am so sorry you are feeling so hurt right now. =( I know the waiting is hard. We personally did not get updates from our agency. I did not want to feel the disappointment each time we weren't chosen. And I know this is cliche, but I had NO control over it anyway, so why bother? LOL

    If your agency has more moms parenting than placing, that is actually a GOOD thing. Think of the families that are staying together? I know that's hard to hear as an adoptive parent, but if my son could've stayed with his first mom that would have been best. But the plans of the Lord are firm and steadfast. We all live in a world wrought with humanness!

    I second what another poster said, your openness (or lack thereof) may affect things a lot. We have an open relationship with S and while she has not contacted us in a while I feel so much better knowing that she can when she needs to. She knows where we live, our phone numbers, our email address, our last name... everything! It is not as scary as many people think it is. And the comfort it brings her knowing where KJ is is priceless to her. She gave me her son - the least I could do was give her my address! ;)

    If you have any questions at all feel free to email me. There is a link on my profile page. We only worked with one agency but we also used some internet resources since we were very open to race and situations, like you are. I can forward them to you if you like.

    Hang in there. The child God has for your family is out there!

    xoxo

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