Monday, March 30, 2015

FAQ: Why tell our story?

This FAQ is probably better named FCG - the most frequent criticism given.

I do post comments from critics if they are tasteful and well intended, but all others get deleted. Most deleted comments usually have to do with the openness in which I tell our story.

I've been blogging for almost seven years and since the beginning, I have often been challenged with the level of detail I share about our kids...and, to be honest, I understand the concern. Critics think their stories belong to them (not me) and hate that the world has an opportunity to make judgements on my babies. They worry that my kids will grow to resent me or my blog and be embarrassed about the story I've written.

So...why do I do it?

That's easy to answer.

Transparency bridges chasms left in the wake of defeat, destruction, and discouragement. Pain is pain and though our stories may be different, our resolve is the same. The desperation that suffocates us in the darkness, the lies that sneak up through our toes, the sheer sadness over loss on any scale are the bits of life that hold significant power over our future.

If we stuff our emotions to the quietest corners of our heart and never let God's light expose our weakness, than we never have need of him...or each other.

Conversely, if we open our book to those around us, revealing the most intimate places, genuine connections can spark revolution...and not just in our story, but all the stories that surround us.

I tell our story at near full disclosure because it changes lives and gives the love of God legs.

I didn't love any of my children upon our first meeting. In fact, the last three, left me questioning my own ability and God's calling on my life for months. I have teetered between an unhealthy balance of love and anger toward Little Miss' parents, this past year, and have given in to more moments of personal devotion than I care to admit.

My writing rhythms to these raw points of connection and makes our story believable.

Without any doubt, I can say that God has commissioned my family to tell his story and give voice to the muted. It is a story of avocation, redemption and reconciliation, but resounding love is unfolded in every layer.

That's truly the message I hope I preach.

Love never fails.

All of our kids are unique with varied personalities, but one connecting cord runs through each of them. They are sensitive and, extremely, perceptive when it comes to need. They teach me how to listen every day.

Ben and I are not the start and end to our story. In fact, it's not our story at all.

Tyrus, LJ, Sweet Boy, Little Miss, and all others to come have been hand-picked to live out this part of God's perfect plan. The six of us are together because God is the owner of time. He knows that we are more effective together than apart. He has given each of us a generous gift that contributes to his mission.

Mine just happens to come in the form of brought-together words and someday, I (alone) will be accountable for how I used my talent.

That's why I write - why I tell this story.






27 comments:

  1. all families have struggles and in love you being real-so others, myself included don't feel alone in the sometime daily struggles. thank you!

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  2. Your story gives courage to others. Never stop. It is a true gift from God.

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  3. Choosing to foster is hard. For me letting God take the lead is difficult. But I am learning how to everyday because without Him and other foster parents that understand I just couldn't continue. Before I became a foster parent I used to think that I would fall in love with every child I met. This isn't true. Some I do, some I don't and some take time. Thanks for your speaking the truth about your feelings. It really does help others. The critics can just move on and not read your blog.

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  4. Well written. Moved me as most of your posts have moved me.

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  5. Reading your blog has shown me a love that I think is truly amazing. That through any trial or obstacle you keep loving. Thanks for sharing your story. You encourage and challenge me.

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  6. Your openness has helped us so much in our own open adoption! Thank you!

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  7. I've been reading your blog for some time now, and I've always been encouraged by the way you seem to always give God the glory. I think it is a true balance of the highs and lows that all of us go through in life, but from the perspective of an adoptive and foster/adopt parent. Your journey and perspective is invaluable to those who are anticipating following the same path, or those who are currently on that path and searching for someone with whom to connect.

    Kathy Lang

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  8. I'm glad you share your lives with us. I've been reading since before Ty was born & when we were chosen by an expectant mom to adopt her baby back in 2012, I sent her your blog link when the openness discussion was had. I said "this is what I want our openness to be like."
    So thank you for being a wonderful example of honoring birth families!

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    1. Thank you for reading for so long! Wow! I hope you have found blessing in adoption openness!

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  9. I am so glad that you are sharing your story. Reading your blog challenges me to live out my faith more each day.

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  10. You are the reason that we have chosen to foster. You are the reason I can love our kids bio parents even though they keep choosing other things over their kids. God used you in a big way for our family and we will forever be grateful. Kim

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    1. This is so humbling to read. Thank you for saying yes. This journey is not for the faint-hearted but the reward is as great as we can receive on earth.

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  11. I read your blog not because I've adopted children or because I foster but because every time you write something about your story it inspires ME to be a better person. Your faith, your resolve, your strength and that of your children is amazing. How you teach your children, in my opinion, is how everyone should be teaching their children. Thank you.

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  12. I love reading about your family! I always wonder why those who are so critical of other peoples blogs, why do they keep reading them. If I do not care for one, I just don't read it. Your way of writing is beautiful and I am sure you have helped many people no matter what their situation is. We all need to grow in our love toward others, especially the unlovable and we can learn and grow from your writing. Thanks for writing and allowing God to use you to help others! Karyn

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  13. Your story...your family...through God all things are possible. YOU keep telling your beautiful story with grace and courage. Your blog is filled with so much LOVE. Keep writing and keep sharing. If in the end you help ONE person you've done amazing! Best to you and your family always! xx

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  14. I've read your story for over a year now, and never cease to find it inspiring and beautiful. I've cried over so many of your posts, and prayed for your family. I know some people think that adoption stories shouldn't be told unless it's by the child who is adopted, but the Lord wants us to share his works, and to keep it in would be like taking the talent (or blessing) he has given and burying it in the ground for fear of losing it. He wants us to share and multiply the good that his blessings do for us! Besides, a child's adoption story is no more exclusively their own than is any child's story of how they join the family that loves them so well, be it through adoption, or fostering, or infertility, or a family that has never struggled to have children. It's the family's story of how they became a family. I have gone through infertility for years and years, and those trials have shaped who I am. My children's stories are just as much mine as theirs, for they've impacted me eternally.

    Keep up the amazing work, Rebekah. You're an inspiration, and an instrument in God's hands, and it's beautiful to behold. Thank-you for your honesty and openness. May Heavenly Father bless you for it!

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  15. Your blog is the most honest and Godly blog I've ever read. I check it daily as your posts inspire and encourage me to love my two adopted children and accept them for who they are.....along with their birthmom's. I began reading when you first got LJ.....my son is African American also and I have wept so much reading LJ's stories.....He is precious. Thank you for having an honest blog that shows God's love for His children in a very personal way.

    Susan in Arkansas

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  16. As I've gone through my own hard experience in the last six months, I've discovered the importance of transparency...for me and my readers.

    Your story is beautiful and I'm grateful you share it.

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  17. I love your blog. I read all the time but rarely comment. I am in awe of your honesty....and really...you remind me of the power of God in times when I forget. Don't let the critics silence you. Karaleen

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  18. Thank you for telling your story.

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  19. I read... I laugh... I weep... I praise....I thank... I learn...I pray...I change.
    Thank you for sharing your story... You cannot know what it means to those who follow.

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  20. For the first half of my life I actively participated in religion. I now simply believe but do not make it a major part of my life. Your blog is one of the few places where I feel more than that in my heart. Thank you for that.

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  21. I have yet to see even one place on the internet, EVEN ONE, that is not plagued by people who want to tear it down and/or are critical of it. I'm glad you don't let them get to you. I comment here from time to time and have mention that despite having my own biokids, that I've never been able to get adoption out of my head and still think it might happen down the road. This blog is a wonderful glimpse into that kind of life and I appreciate your openness. And I think you've provided some examples that I will follow if I ever do take the leap.

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  22. This is beautiful Rebekah and just what I needed to read today. Today we send in our packet for adoption through foster care. Thank you for your transparency and your example of faith that we can do all things through Him.

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    1. Jamie, this made my morning! Thank you for saying yes to this adventure. God will meet you in every way.

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  23. I'm so glad you write. I have read your blog twice now! It's one of the things that helped me find peace in our own journey that is about to include foster care. We've had miscarriages, infertility, adoption scams, adoption losses and I finally realized that I am strong enough to do foster care and I got a peace I haven't had in two years. That you for letting us in on your story.

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