God has really been stretching me this month in more ways than one.
In the beginning of the year, I made several small goals to keep me focused in 2012, but I have been concentrating my efforts most on living and walking in the Spirit. I made some radical changes to my evening routine to free up time to read, pray, and listen to the voice of God.
One of my prayers has been, "Lord, use me...in your way...your capacity."
The dichotomy, here, is that a couple days ago I found myself crying, Lord why do you have to use me? He quickly reminded me of my earlier prayer and soothed my discomfort in the situation he was asking me to navigate. Has that ever happened to you before?
I think about exercise. Running and mountain biking are the fun part. Scratch that. There is nothing fun about running. I'll stick with what I know and enjoy! Racing down a winding trail in the woods is the thrilling part of riding. It's the part I enjoy. The stretching beforehand is what becomes tedious, seemingly needless, and uncomfortable if you're like me and can't touch your own toes.
That's how I view my relationship with God. I am so quick to want the fun tasks, but when it comes time to stretch, I've run out of patience.
I don't want to be that way, anymore. No matter what lessons God takes me through, I want to be a quick-study, learning all that is necessary to equip me for the task at hand.
Part of my stretching this month involves trusting God for our family. I am such a control-monster that this becomes a daily hand-over during my prayer time. (sidenote: it really bothers me when people tell me that no one has control over family-planning...).
Thankfully, my morning dose of God-juice is working because I seem to be pleasant and peaceful to those around me and haven't contacted our agency once with questions or concerns during our wait. We are still waiting on our license, so I have no news to report on the two siblings. They may or may not still be looking for families, I haven't asked (ignorance is bliss).
In the meantime, we've been contacted by two friends of friends of friends that know expectant mothers thinking about adoption. We've had many of these conversations in the past and we always end up encouraging/ministering to the families involved, providing them with open, honest information about adoption. We've never adopted a baby from one of these families (obviously), but we're okay with that. God has given us a platform to represent Truth and, rightfully so, there's no room on stage for agendas.
The waiting can be discouraging sometimes, but Tyrus is a live-in picture of God's faithfulness. I hold on to him and the picture when doubt tries to wiggle its way in. God knows my heart and has called us to his purpose. That's enough for me!