Sunday, February 5, 2012

"Why didn't God make me in your belly?"

A sobering question from a two and a half year old. The conversation, tonight, at bedtime went like this.

Ty:  "Mom, when will Jesus bring me a baby sister [insert heart tug]?"
Me: "Oh, honey, I don't know...why don't you pray about it and ask God, right now?"

"Mom, I don't know how to pray. You do it!"

"Ty, all you have to do is talk from your heart. Start by telling God all the things you're thankful for in life. Then we can bring him our petitions."

"Okay. Dear Jesus... [I encouraged him to go on and list the things he was thankful for]...thank you for making Cheeze-Its. AAAA-men."

I laughed out loud.

The conversation progressed.

"Mom, where does Jesus live?"

"He lives at the right hand of God in heaven. A lot of people say he also lives in your heart....but that's actually the Holy Spirit."

"Where is heaven?"

"Way high up in the skies, baby. That's where both God and Jesus live."

"Jesus loves me!"

"Yes, he does. Do you know that God loves you, too? Do you know that he created you in Rebekah's belly? He put you together in there and then Whooo [I blew in his face] he breathed your life into being."

Ty laughed.

"Mom...why didn't God make me in your belly?"

Long Pause.

I am still shocked that Ty would ask such a question. For the first time since being a mama, I didn't have a quick answer.

His provoking question had my mind spinning. My simple response was, "Because than Miss Rebekah wouldn't be such a special part of our lives."

He moved on and started talking about our latest trip to Seaworld, in true two year old fashion.

I did not move on.

I knew that we would start facing more challenging questions as Ty grew, but I thought we were years from those days.

I guess the part I struggle with is the complexity of the story that Ty won't understand for quite some time. How do I explain to my son that God did not make him for us...but Rebekah...but given her circumstances, she made a choice. She called on God and he to lead her to us.

It's important to me that Ty realizes that God didn't make Rebekah pregnant so that we could have a family, but it's also important to me that he understand her unparalleled love for him.

What always seemed like an easy explanation, didn't seem so easy when answering Ty, tonight. I left his room asking God for wisdom. Lord, how do we explain to Ty that he wasn't made for us, but Rebekah?

The answer came clear as day.

You don't. Tyrus was made for me.

The words of the Holy Spirit stilled my heart and filled me with warmth.

What a beautiful revelation.

More than a good answer to a hard question, was reassurance that God will guide us as we go.

If Ty was made for him, so was I....

...and so were you.


  1. Rebekah, I Looooove this. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Totally agree. God made Ty for him, and him alone. Having two daughters both adopted, both looking like twins we often joke that God made them for each other. In reality, God made each of my miracles for him, just like he made me, you, and all of his children. Ty isn't an accident, an after thought of God. He is a miracle that you get the tender blessing of loving every single day.

  3. Beautiful post. It's scary to think that Jax is 1 year away from this age and may begin asking these questions already! Sounds like you have what you want to say together...but, just in case, have you read Talking With Young Children About Adoption? I like that it explains their developmental capacities and helps parents to talk at the child's level...answering THEIR questions, and not our own. Which you of course did. It may just reassure you that you are doing the right things:).

  4. LOVE this post. It's something that weighs heavy on my mind - Will I say the RIGHT things when the time comes. Thanks for this reminder.

  5. What a beautiful post! Thanks for sharing that message today :-)

  6. Love, love, love this... thank you.

  7. Great post and beautiful revelation!

  8. What an incredibly beautiful post. Thank you for sharing and for allowing God to use you to lead others as they face similar questions from their children. You are such a wise, grace filled woman!

  9. wow what a HORRIBLE answer! How about "because God created our family in a special way." Clearly your child was NOT made for their birth mother but for you the mother God intended for him or else He would not have given him to you.

    I hate seeing parents over complicate adoption to a toddler. God made our family in a special way. You grew in my heart instead of my belly. Enough for a 2 year old to know. Normal 2 year olds do not even know where babies come from yet.

    Also, realize that some day your child very well may resent YOUR decision to take away HIS choice to have contact with his birth parents or not. Not all adoptees want this and it is not our choice or their birth parents choice to make. It is theirs alone.

    My children may have questions one day and I will do everything to help them find those answers including searching out birth relatives. However, I also respect their right to not do that search if they do not want to.

  10. Thank you for having the courage to share that story on your blog. As an adoptive parent myself to a 7 year old and a 2 year old, I know for fact that the questions get much harder. I have tried to explain many times that God had a plan to make us a family, trying to get across that I wasn't some random woman that just ended up adopting her, but that God has had His hand in it right from the start. That He loves her. I had never thought to use the phrase you did though. I hope you don't mind, but I will in the future!

  11. I echo Claire's semtiments...simply beautiful!!!! Thanks especially for the message and reassurance..I was made for God. You are doing a fantastic job with Ty and please know that you are in my prayers.

  12. What a powerful answer for a tough question. Love that.

  13. What a great post! And so much the answer....we are all made for him...the family he puts us in is the vehicle to get to know him more....blessings to you and your family.

  14. God has truly given you a heart of wisdom by His Spirit. I have been blessed so many times reading your blog. And I know Ty and whom ever else God brings into your family is also blessed and well-loved through you!

  15. God made Ty for himself but also made him for you and your husband. God knew in advance that you couldn't carry Ty and he knew that Rebekah could and would. As an adopted child I knew I was special and hand picked by God to live with the parents he chose. Now I have 3 boys and they all know I am adopted and what that means. I had one ask me recently if one of my friends wanted a baby would I have it and give it to my friend. YES I would. No doubt. If that is what needed to happen then yes I would. Would it be easy giving the child up that grew in me? NO but if God ordained it then yes I could do it.

  16. Love you heart...thanks for sharing. What a great answer to a tough question.

  17. To the person who said it is a horrible answer, I would say - everyone sees adoption in a different way. The adoptive parents and birth mom can only try their best to present it to their son in a way that will help him and not hurt him. There is no way you can judge her answer to her son. We all do our best to explain a situation that even adults have a hard time understanding. Rebeckah - thanks so much for being so strong to expose yourself and your heart. You are doing a lot of good.

  18. Hi i’m Heather! I have a question for you! Please email me :)

  19. ugh!!! you made me cry. Isn't the Holy Spirit just so beautiful!!!