Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Happy Birthday from Daddy

[Guest Post from Ben]

To my Little Buddy,

“Be not afraid of greatness; some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them”   – William Shakespeare

Ty, a few weeks after you were born your Mom asked me to write down my thoughts so you could always know how I felt at the beginning. I had trouble at that time putting into words all that I was feeling and experiencing. To try and explain the day I first met you and first kissed you was an impossible task. It still is. From the moment I first held you, I knew it was love, but just saying the word love doesn’t seem to measure up to the overwhelming bursting in my chest that started that day you were born and which continues to grow each day - so much so that most days I can’t even handle it. I think about you and I know I’d give my life for you. I think about keeping you safe and I know I’d suffer unimaginable pain if it meant you could walk through life unscathed. I know that feeling, rather the aching necessity to keep you from harm, is irrational, but it’s how I feel. I now know exactly why parents never stop worrying about their children even into old age. It’s not a choice. It’s an ingrained passion you first feel the instant you hold your little one, and it never goes away. This passion for you Ty is made greater every day by who you are, and that’s the best part, Son. Who you are. Who you are every day. Who you are becoming, and the man you will one day become. One year seems like a short time to draw conclusions from such a young life, but I can absolutely say, Ty, that you are greatness. Here’s to the greatest year a father could have ever asked for, and here’s to my Little Guy.

While we were spending our first three weeks together, in June, in a mountainside cabin, with no air conditioning, you were a sweaty mess. You were grumpy and irritable and had minimal sleep. Or was that all me? I think it was both of us. Right there I knew we were going to be buddies.

You jump up and down and squeal when your Mama walks in the door. I feel that way about her too.

You love to eat, and you love to throw things. We’re gonna spend a lot of time together.

From the start you’ve been a lover. Rocking you to sleep in the nursery as you drift off to sleep with faint giggles and smiles is something I’ll never know what I did to deserve.

You are free with the kisses. We’ll revisit this one in about twelve or thirteen years.

You have the best hair. And eyes. And perfect lips. And cheeks. Seriously, you should see yourself. How I haven’t eaten you yet is beyond me.

We have matching Tigers beanies. It’s awesome.

We’re gonna go fishing with Grandpa soon.

Your Nana is absolutely amazing with you, and you love her.

You know how people always joke about baby boys peeing all over the place every time you change their diaper? Well you’ve never really done that. It’s been nice. Except for one time that was a complete sneak attack in the bathroom at a McDonalds, at the tail end of driving all day somewhere in rural Indiana. You soaked you. You soaked me. I think you soaked Ronald himself. I don’t think we’re welcome back. I was so tired. I don’t even remember what we did. Timing is everything buddy. Good one.

You’re a peanut. On the plus side, you have a nice sized head. That’s great for brains. The world needs doctors Ty. And point guards. Not everyone can be a giant. I think you’re perfect sized. Don’t get down just because other boys your age are shaving already.

I want a kiss. No really, I’m pausing to go give you a kiss……. Ok I’m back. Mom is jealous. We have a funny game at night before we go to bed. Each one of us tries to sneak in and give you kisses before the other one realizes it. You are so sweet.

You are really good in the bike trailer. We got caught in a monsoon the other day and you were a champ. Smiling and being all cute. No surprise there.

You drove cross country before you were a month old. You were lugged up the sides of waterfalls and rock formations before you were two weeks old. You flew back across country before you were a year old. You’re an adventurer. You didn’t really have a choice on this one. See quote at the top.

You were the sweetest boy and loved on your birth family the first time we revisited them when you were ten months old. I was so proud of you. This is another situation you didn’t choose. See quote at the top.

You’ve loved your Mama and me every day for the last year. This wasn’t your choice either. See quote at the top.

You see Ty, that’s the thing about greatness. I’m not here to say that you are great because you are the cutest baby that photographs have ever recorded. That’s a fact, but it’s not greatness. I’m not here to say you are great because of any of the normal reasons that parents brag about their children. All of those things certainly apply, but you, Son, were born into a unique situation and have been exceptional in it. Someday you’ll fully understand the circumstances that have brought us all together, but for now, just know that in the fallen world we live in, situations arise, but God’s redemption is always near. What the enemy meant for evil, our God uses for good. And you are more than good, Son. When other boys your age start to worry about girls and sports, you will have all of that, but will also have the added complication of continually learning and understanding more and more about your adoption. You didn’t choose this exceptional journey. You didn’t choose these challenges. Somehow, I think God knew you would excel, though. I know he didn’t create this situation, but I am certain that he was there working miracles to restore the lives involved and bring redemption to an otherwise impossible situation, on all accounts. You, Son, have brought healing to many. In your one short year you have delivered grace and love to those in need. By being you, Tyrus Lee Pinchback.

My amazing little lover buddy.

Sweet Baby Ty, Good times never seemed so good…..

- Dad


  1. Oh my! I thought Rebekah was the one that brought on the waterworks! *sniff*sniff

    What a daddy you have Ty!

  2. Thank you Ben for opening your heart/love for you son for us to hear. I cried and cried happy blessed tears all the way through.
    Little one year old Tyrus you have a special place in my heart and always will have. I am so glad of your birth and your life my faraway "grandson". This year has been one of joy to watch you grow and know of the happiness your little life has brought. Could you ever understand the love that your Mommy and Daddy have for you. I guess it is not necessary you understand because it just is and always will be. You live the love and unselfishly give love and because of that we get to watch Him continue to walk you through each and every step of your days blessed little boy.
    I thank you for you little one.
    Your Colorado Grammie, Debbie

  3. what i wouldn't have given to have a father like Ben growing up.

    where i sought love, i got rejection... where i sought hugs, i was pushed to the ground... where i said "i love you daddy," i received "i hate you & you're not good enough to call me daddy."

    Ty is the luckiest little boy in the world. i was blessed with one extraordinary parent... he gets two.

    - michelle

  4. Its Ty's birthday! Im up at two thirty and I dont know why. I am so glad I popped over here to your blog. Ben knew just what to say on such a day!!! His love for Ty is amazing!


  5. There are only three letters to describe Ben's post. W-O-W. The love that was shared here was amazing. Tear jerker for sure!

  6. What a beautiful letter to Ty.

    Happy Birthday, Ty!!

  7. It looks like you are not the only one who has a way with words in the family Rebekah! Tyrus will cherish these letters one day. Syd and I love all of you so much. We look forward to all the fun ahead with your family.

    Love you guys!

  8. Crying. Happy Birthday, Ty. I'll never forget the first time Mom and Dad carried you into our house on the way home from Colorado. You are perfection, and we love you.

  9. What an amazing husband and father Ben is! His words have brought me to tears! You three are truly blessed! God knows, sees, and feels, the love you two constantly share with your son and others! If only this world had more people like you two! You both our an inspiration to many!! Bless you!

    Happy 1st birthday Ty! Your one of God's greats gifts on earth!

  10. Oh The love that the two of you have seeps and oozes from your words. It is truly amazing and Tyrus is one lucky little boy. No doubt the greatness one can achieve with such love and support. Happy Birthday, Ty.

  11. So beautiful. I can't stop crying. What an amazing father. You are a wonderful daddy Ben. Reading this just makes me yearn even more to be able to watch my husband be a daddy, when we finally find our miracle.

    Happy Birthday Ty!!!!!!

  12. So very sweet!!! What an incredible blessing to have a family so full of love. Happy Birthday week, Ty!

  13. What an amazing story you have all started. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Tyrus!!! What a precious little one he is.

  14. That was a beautiful tribute letter, Ben. You should seriusly consider doing a daddy blog. I agree that it's the moment we first hold our babies that love seems to drop out of heaven and it never leaves. You are such a good daddy. Tyrus is blessed with so much love.

  15. Happy Birthday Sweet Boy!!! We love you and look forward to watching you grow.

  16. Beautiful... Happy Birthday, Ty!

  17. So sweet!! What a loving husband you have!!

  18. That might be the sweetest thing I have ever read. I've always said that the best thing about being a mom is watching my husband being a daddy - and this proves why! Just beautiful.

  19. I can't express into words what this meant to me, because we too have a little boy who has been asked to walk a path not many are chosen to walk! Happy birthday sweet Ty- you have already made an impact on many with your life story!

  20. I absolutely love the posts where I laugh and cry multiple times before reaching the end. This was one of those in a big way. GREAT post, Ben!

    I especially loved when you said, "Rocking you to sleep in the nursery as you drift off to sleep with faint giggles and smiles is something I’ll never know what I did to deserve." That is a powerful statement and sums up exactly how I feel when I rock C. to sleep each night.

    You are an amazing part of an amazing family and I really loved reading your thoughts! Happy birthday to your sweet little man!


  21. Totally crying at my desk at work! Glad's there's tissues. Such a sweet letter! Ty has been blessed with such a beautiful and loving family. Happy Birthday!

  22. Happy Birthday Ty! You are so blessed to be loved by so many as they are so blessed to have you. Happy one year mom, first mom and dad. Together you all have created something very special.

  23. Crying here Ben.... :) What a wonderful way to tell Ty how much you love him now...and a way for him to know later!! You guys have so much love for each other and I love how your not afraid to show it! God bless you all and Happy Birthday Tyrus! Can't believe he's a year old!

  24. very very sweet!!!! happy birthday little man!

  25. I love this blog and love this letter.