Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Day 170

Update....or lack of....

I emailed our caseworker, yesterday, because I couldn't possibly wait another day. We are supposed to receive statistics every other month, on how many moms (if any) have looked at our profile and it's been 7 weeks and we still haven't gotten our first report. I took the opportunity to ask her about a hundred questions--questions that don't make our baby come faster, but help ease the waiting pains! Surprisingly, she emailed me right back! Here are some of the answers to my questions:

They haven't come in, yet, but should be here any day. She told me to think "conservative" because, typically, new families aren't shown the first couple of months. To this I reply....WHY NOT!?!? I paid my money and did all the necessary work! If we're not shown for two months, than why don't they put us on the list prior to our home study being finished, so that when everything is complete we can be up and running!? Part of me says, "it's okay," the other part thinks this process blows.

Christmas Baby?
I know there aren't normal predictors....but, I asked anyway! I asked if we should expect things to slow down during the holidays and wait for activity after the new year. She responded with, "It is very hard to predict numbers for domestic placements. But, typically, we do not see a lull through the holidays - babies come when they want to! And we see just as many placements through Thanksgiving and Christmas, compared to the rest of the year."

Abundance of Baby Boys?
September's news report came out last week (from the agency) and it followed the same pattern as June-August. 85% of the babies placed in those months were boys (domestic only)! This seems crazy to me! I asked if there was a reason for so many boys and our CW basically called it "coincidence." I'm not convinced. She said the reason for so many boys is unknown and not predictable. If a birth mother is planning an adoption, the gender of her child doesn't usually affect her decision. That just doesn't seem normal. Either there is an abundance of boys being populated or b.moms have a really hard time parting with baby girls....Ben is convinced we're going to have a boy! (which is more than okay with me, but I do have the MOST adorable girl's name ready....can't we just have twins?)

Why does adoption seem to be getting harder?
When reading through the September report there was a lot of alarming news. China's program now has a minimum wait of 32 months (for a baby 10+ months) and all the European programs are currently only adopting out children about age 2. Guatemala is the only program that adopts out 6-7 month olds with a 12 month wait and the agency has closed their doors to non-Michigan residents until after January 1st, for the domestic program. I'm just curious as to what is happening? The only answer I got was that the economy and stricter border regulations have made adopting internationally a challenge. With only two months left in the year, the agency has done exactly half the adoptions they did in 2007 (in both international and domestic programs). I wonder why???? Ben blames it on the gas prices :).

That was about it, she told me I could email her anytime with questions and to be patient, positive, and stay busy (she also said she knows that's way easier to say, from her standpoint!) I know I didn't get much news, but it was enough for me to hang on to every word! It's comforting to know we haven't been forgotten...


  1. I'm proud of you, friend, for speaking up and asking. Praying for you every single day...and every day is one day closer, no matter what.

    Love you always and forever...

  2. I'm not shocked to hear about the baby boy thing. Most of the time it's the birth mother who takes on the burden of making the final decision to make an adoption plan, naturally, and some women automatically feel more bonded to a baby girl. I say that after having discussed with my mom, my mother-in-law, my bff and other women who have had boys that they worried through their pregnancies (or in my mom and MIL's cases as soon as their sons were born since they didn't have sonograms) that they wouldn't be a good mom to a boy because they wouldn't "understand" them. I think it would be natural for that common (although ultimately false) fear to translate into it being easier to follow through with adoption plans for a baby boy. My 2 cents. About the international adoptions, we talked with our SW about this issue back last year when we decided to pursue domestic adoption. She told me that this new legislation was coming down the pipe that would make international adoption more difficult. The way she described it was that the US was finally going to sign a treaty that many other countried had already signed which says that they will not work with orphanages/agencies in other countries unless those other countries implement and enforce strict new rules that prevent "baby selling" and child trafficking for unsavory purposes. Guatemala (according to our SW) was one of the worst offenders in "baby selling" by people going into rural areas and offering young moms a couple thousand $ for their infant, telling them "they can always have another" and the women would take the $ because it would make them one of the richest families in their village and then the purchased baby would be taken back to the city and represented as an orphan. Our SW told us that she expected all adoptions from Guatemala to halt when the treaty was signed...sorry for rambling on...

  3. Good for you for calling her...I'd keep bugging her too. Just remember every day is one day closer then you were yesterday!! God Bless!

  4. isn't it hard not having answers for people when they ask what is the latest?

    it hard to say "nothing has really changed, we are just waiting on..." fill in the blank.

    it is frustrating :) I can't imagine how hard it will be to be "on the list". If a few months go by and I hear nothing I will be crawling the walls too.

    Are you getting excited about your baby shower? that will be fun!

  5. I am glad that you got some kind of update. I agree with you that when your profile is ready the agency should start showing you. I would be frustrated if that was the case with our agency.

    I think with the boy/girl thing it may just be that there have been more boys born than girls (even outside of adoption). On my adoption forum there were 9 boy placements last year and only one girl but then also other births from friends/family that I know there was an abundance of boys born compared to girls.

    Prayers continued for you and your husband.

  6. I'm so sorry you are having to wait so long. Don't we have to wait enough going through fertility treatments then through adoption "treatments"? I hope your baby or babies get to you soon!!

  7. It's amazing how just a little communication can settle your nerves...even if you don't get a lot of information. :)
    I would be a bit irritated too if my profile had not been shown for the first 2 months!! If that was their policy they should have disclosed that to you....again it's all about communication! :)
    Our agency has placed pretty much the same number of boys than girls (a few more boys), my family of 4 sisters and extended family of childbearing age....the little boys WAY outnumber the little girls. Out of 9 little ones on my mom's side, there is only 1 girl (and I am 1 of 5 girls in my family). It's actually pretty interesting. Most of my friends have had boys....
    Regarding the amount of people looking to international adoption...I also know that there are a couple of countries such as Korea who are lessening the number of children placed outside of their country because they are trying to promote adoption from within the country first.
    Hang in there! I know this wait is SOOO difficult!

  8. I'd keep speaking up!! You are paying for this service, you should make sure you get results. (Can you tell, I'm that annoying patient that keeps prodding until I get a response?) That's a little bizarre about the stats.

    That's really scary about adoption getting harder. I already think it is hard!!

    I'll keep praying for you.


  9. I'm glad your sw'r is open to you and seems like she is supportive. The wait is hard, but will be worth it. (I know you know that!)

    As for gender, I know that the most difficult placements in the US are African American MALES. Infants on up. I don't know if this has anything to do with it tho...?

    I also know that it seems "unfair" to not be shown ahead of longer waiting families. I had a hard time wrapping my mind around that too. However, in a way I guess it does make sense. We were so open tho that it really didn't affect us much. I also asked NOT to be told every time we were shown. It's was easier for me that way. Then I didn't torture myself with "why weren't we picked?" KWIM?

  10. I've been wondering those same things about adoption. In all of our research it just seems like everything is getting harder and harder on the adoption front! I'm so glad you got some answers though :)

  11. I know it's so hard..............

  12. For Random Reassurance Week, I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your honesty and insight onto the adoption journey and yet at the same time rest assured that everything is in God's hands. I love how you're willing to give me advice and encouragement and show us great pictures.

  13. That's funny, our agency must have all the baby girls while yours has the boys. Of the last four placements I know about, three have been girls and there are other potential girl babies on our horizon too. I have personally known FAR more girl babies than boys over the past five years or so, which was making me wonder a little. I'm glad to know the boys have been hiding out somewhere too! :)


  14. Someone told me somewhere that there is some statistic (I know, I am a vat of detailed info) about how more boys are born in general during war time... dunno about that. My hubbs is convinced that what Karen said is true - women feel more bonded with girls. Who knows? Just find us our babies! God Bless!