Are you nervous? I looked over at Ben before we got out of the car.
"No. We traveled across the country to meet a woman pregnant with a baby that she wanted to give us. All on our own. The moment before we knocked on Rebekah's door was terrifying. This is easy in comparison." (Read about that experience, here)
We walked through agency doors to a love fest. Our case workers/supervisors were excited to see us, again, and oogled over recent pictures of our boys. Sweet Boy and Little Sister's case worker retold the story of how she found out about us. She had mentioned to our case worker that the goal had been changed for the kids on her case load. Our case worker whipped out our Christmas card picture and said, "You have to pick my family!" Everyone laughed. I thanked God for his providence.
Foster mom walked in with a pink covered car seat. She had dropped Sweet Boy off at preschool when birth mom did not show up for her visit, today. Watching her unzip the bundle was like waiting for Christmas.
I was about to see my newest lovie for the first time...
I had to bite back a laugh. Based on the phone description of the children, I was fully expecting a beautiful brown darling, but instead a very white and rosy, blue-eyed baby popped out (with wisps of reddish hair). Clearly the file was not altogether accurate.
She is every bit of perfect. Smiley, happy, healthy.
Foster mom, proudly, handed her to me and I cared for her during our visit.
For two hours we shared stories of our boys and dreamed together of all the fun and trouble the three would accomplish together. Sweet boy seems to be a beautiful mix of Ty and LJ. From skin color to personality, he resembles both of them in so many ways. Every other story I could relate to one of my own. I thanked God for hand-picking the right little people for our family. They each bring something to the table that the other needs. I love that.
I was in thankful awe of Foster Mom. We need more of her. She and her husband are faithful Christians, active in their church and community. Her generous spirit overflowed into every part of our conversation. She was emotional talking about transition time and her reason for requesting the placement. I couldn't thank her enough for her love. and time. and commitment.
She told me about all of the experiences that her family had shared with Sweet Boy and the growth they've seen in him.
I asked her to be a part of our lives forever.
We had such a mutual respect for one another, making decisions on how to progress was easy. One of the workers commented on how unusual, but refreshing, our camaraderie was. I don't understand why it would be any other way.
Based on all the conversation we had, today, I believe our transition will be smoother than expected. I still can't believe I'm bringing a baby home! Adding another four year old doesn't seem like a big stretch... "Add him to the pile..." (In Ben's words), but a baby? Not a part of our plan.
When we left the agency, I told Ben that I didn't feel normal. I feel like most women experience love-at-first-sight encounters and are smitten with their new children (adoptive or otherwise), instantly. I never do. I am fully on board this new adventure and can't wait to bring these lovies home, but I do not feel an overwhelming maternal bond - or even an underwhelming one, for that matter.
Ben agreed that I'm not normal...
...but, also, reminded me that I felt this way about each of our children (why discriminate now?)
I hesitate to even voice such things out loud. It doesn't sound so bad in my head. But, I try to stay true to this blog and give you my experiences in a raw format.
Yes, I get handed children and, initially, feel no earthly love, attachment, kinship, or bond. BUT (Thank goodness for God's redeeming "but"), my heart is overtaken by the love of the Father for these treasures. And I will care for them, knowing love is on its way.
We will spend our first day together as a family of six, this Friday. Both lovies should be moved in by next Friday.
What a wonderful day...so full of promise and purpose.
Five years ago, I was still crying out to God in devestation and heartache. My heart cry, today?
Thank you, Lord for not healing my womb in your power.
Thank you for guiding us to a path better than our own...for opening our eyes to see this small slice of the world through yours.