At least a dozen times, today, we looked at each other and said some variation of "What were we thinking?"
Two kids at once? Four littles?
I just want to cry. But there's no time.
I am typing this from my phone as Little congested Miss sleeps for the first time for longer than twenty minutes. I don't dare move.
I want the day over so that we can say we survived our first full day...but I don't want it to end because I have to do it all by myself tomorrow. And visit with their caseworker.
Sweet Boy had a hard night. Little Miss' was even worse. Thankfully, the boys have been playing really well together. The only major issue that we've noticed, so far, (other than pure exhaustion) is that LJ and Sweet Boy have become very territorial.
Sweet Boy called me "Mommy" for the first time at lunch. As natural as it sounded coming from his mouth, it was, equally, as natural for LJ to look at him and say, "That's not your mom. She's my mom." Without question it was rude (and we addressed it), but something in me soared that LJ, undoubtedly, knows me as mom.
Later, LJ said, "I love our baby sister so much." And Sweet Boy was quick to correct his inference - "She's my baby sister, not yours."
We're trying to give everyone an extra dose of grace as we, very unnaturally, try to become a family. Through all of Little Miss' crying, I had to whisper from across the hall "goodnight". It pained my heart. Not for Sweet Boy, who I know is still so unsure...but for my boys. No cuddles, no extra reassurance that all of this change doesn't change my heart for them. It's too much to think about.
Praying for God to give me a special love in my heart for these kids who've turned my life upside down...
My dad did remind me, today, that the weeping only lasts for the night....joy will come in the morning. I'm holding on to such a beautiful promise. Though the weepy nights, may be countless...joy is on its way.