Monday, April 13, 2009

Day 350


I don’t know where to start. This story…our story…our life is too big to comprehend, right now.

How do I take a God-sized miracle, set in motion from the beginning of time, and shape it with human words? I’m not sure that I can. But I’ll try.

We’re walking down the corridor of her apartment complex. Ben looks and me and says, “This is not normal. What we’re doing here, it’s not normal.” I know. I try to avoid eye contact to keep my emotions in check. Why is it that our most emotional conversations happen in hallways? I took a deep breath, threw him a quick I-love-you-to-the-ends-of-the-earth glance, and emphatically said, “We can do this.”

He knocks on the door; she opens. Rebekah. Our baby’s mama. All these weeks of talking and emailing and loving…and there she is. I squeeze her as hard as I can and wish I never had to let go. The next 10 hours are a whirlwind of activity as we treat the kids to a day of fun (go carts, laser tag, mini golf, etc).

Love is a funny thing. In its presence, the world doesn’t exist and when your heart morphs back to reality it’s changed for the better. One of Rebekah’s daughters kept hugging me throughout the day. As we snuggled close in a double-seated go cart, she leaned her head on my shoulder and whispered, “I’m so glad you’re part of our family, now.” As I choked back tears, all I could muster was, “Me too.”

As our story continues to unfold, it becomes clear that this is not just about a baby. The Lord has connected our two families for a purpose unknown and the magnitude of that realization has had ripple effects on my heart. Our time with Rebekah was incredible. She is even more amazing in person. It wasn’t until we had said our goodbyes that I realized I hadn’t thought of the baby all day. Weird, I know. We were so enthralled in the moments, soaking in every second we had with Rebekah and her kids, that the baby never really crossed my mind. Of course, we talked about the baby. Her kids had all sorts of questions for us, some endearing, others amusing. My favorite has to be, “Do you know that your baby is going to be brown?” [smile].

The day before we left a friend asked, “Can you believe you’re going to actually be in the same room as your baby…touching her belly…feeling him kick?” It was all I could think about for days. But we got there and all I could think about was Rebekah…and her kids. She is not kidding when she says she has her hands full. I cannot begin to imagine how she does it alone. She is heroic, in more than one way.

We never intended to waltz in, take someone’s baby, and move on with life. But we also never imagined having a life long relationship with our baby’s family either….Until that is, we met Rebekah. My heart ripped out when her kids asked when they would get to see us again. I don’t know. We went back to our hotel with heavy hearts. These aren’t just cool people…they are baby boy’s family. He has brothers and sisters…aunties…an uncle…a grandma and grandpa…

We got to meet one of baby boy’s aunties and the first words out of her mouth were, “I have to hug you, you guys are my heroes…” Me? No way. I’m not a hero. I’m just one girl who desperately wants to be a mom. They are the heroes. They love this baby boy more than life and are sacrificially giving him to Ben and me. It’s not just the willingness…it’s the excitement. They are excited for us. I’ve never heard or seen anything like it. This simply cannot be explained apart from our Father.

We have to come back. How can we walk away from a 10 year old saying, “We’re really sad that we’re losing our brother…but we know how much you love him and want him…and that makes us really happy...”?

I don’t know where this story will go, but I do know that it’s not going to end with tearful goodbyes at the hospital…okay, they’ll probably be tearful, just not forever.

We ended our night at an Easter play that Rebekah’s girls were in (And by play I mean the most amazing production I’ve ever seen – comparative to Broadway!). We went to our seats and Rebekah cried out that her belly was in the way, when she knocked it on the seat in front of us. When the row attendant looked at her strange, she explained that she was pregnant. He, of course, offered up congratulations, but then she looked at me and said, “And this is my baby’s mama.” That scene played in my mind all night...Usually I'm the one saying those very words.

Jesus was on stage feeding the 5,000 and celebration broke out as someone sang, “I believe, I believe. I believe in the miracle of God.” Tears streamed down my face. I was sitting next to my baby’s mama, celebrating our Lord and Savior as it was beautifully depicted on stage, and soaking in the magnificence of the moment. All the years of pain and heartache have melted away in the beauty of this story.

I believe. I believe.

I believe in the miracle of God.


Our weekend through the eye of the lens:

We are very sleepy....our Friday morning started at 4:45 am.

We had a layover in Salt Lake City and experienced our first breathtaking views of the Rockies.

After months of talking and emailing I finally get to throw my arms around Rebekah.

And love on her beautiful girls.

While Ben shot nerf guns (at us!) with the boys.

We did go carts...


And Putt-Putt...

Ben always sticks out his tongue when he's concentrating hard...

We had lunch, dinner, and late-night ice cream together...

Rebekah and I talked while the kids (and Ben) played.


We soaked in every moment we had with this precious family.









54 comments:

  1. the joy in your eyes is so wonderful to see. Your story continues to amaze me. What a blessing that your families have been brought together. What a lucky baby boy to have 2 mama's who love him so much.

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  2. HOLY Crow!!! How wonderful is this story??? I can't get over it. I can't thank you enough for sharing and allowing us to go along.

    It truly is a miracle!

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  3. BOTH Rebekahs are heroes - WOW! That is some story - I had tears throughout the entire thing! And what great siblings! A truly amazing story!

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  4. Wow... such a beautiful story and a precious miracle from God! You are both blessed... and I am so very, very happy for you! Thank you for sharing!

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  5. crying....crying...I am soooo happy for you! It's unreal! Our stories are SOOO parallel. I remember seeing Heather for the first time, meeting her son, her parents, her sister...everyone! How could the story end with a teary goodbye in the hospital..it couldn't and it didn't! I am SOOO happy God has brought you two together! The love you all have for each other is so evident in the photos!

    I can't stop smiling...God is SO good!

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  6. Just when I thought my Easter couldn't get any better, I read this. What a joyous story of God's love! God bless all of you, your whole, big, happy family.

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  7. Your story is so beautiful, and I cry everytime I read a post. It gives an infertile such as myself so much hope that my story will turn out exactly how it's supposed to as well. It really is amazing, and beautiful, and I am so happy you are sharing it with total strangers such as myself. Thank you. :-D

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  8. yah! i have been waiting for your update ALL weekend...i have been a blog stalker for sure :)
    I am so glad to hear about how wonderful it was/is!
    I am not surprised that they all LOVED you!!

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  9. oh and super cute new layout! <3 it~

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  10. Wow wow WOW! I'm completely covered in goose bumps. It is amazing to see how your families will intertwine someday. VERY cool. Thanks for letting us get a glimpse in to your time together. :)

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  11. I had the biggest giant tears rolling down my face reading this entry. So much in fact I had to wipe up my hardwood floors. There are no words to say how happy I am for you both and Rebecca. I love seeing how this story unfolds, I think you should write a book. -K :)

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  12. Wow- God is so amazing! She is beautiful and I can see the look in the girls eyes, they look up to you!

    It is awesome to see the pictures, thanks for sharing something so special.

    She is just an amazing person who is just full of love!

    Love the new header! It's perfect!

    I am SO happy for you and happy that she found such wonderful parents!

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  13. I'm getting repetitive, but, yet again, you brought happy tears to my eyes. My son will probably never have the wealth of birth family that your son will have, the photos, the stories, the hugs from someone who looks so much like him. God bless Rebekah and you and everyone else in both of your families who are making this possible for him.

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  14. Wow - what a wonderful story - it fills me with hope!

    Thanks so much for sharing!

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  15. This post is so amazing. Praise God for his amazing grace and perfect will for you and Ben.
    *hugs*

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  16. I was so excited to hear about how well your visit went. An amazing story to share with him one day. I admire how you glorify God through every moment no matter what.

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  17. Awesome! I am so happy for all of you! What an amazing experience and a true blessing! I can't wait to see the unfolding of events as you wait for your little one! Our God is awesome!

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  18. I have tears in my eyes and am singing praises to our amazing and faithful God. this story cannot have been penned by a more amazing author. Wow. Wow. Wow.
    ~~HUGS~~

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  19. Your story just gets more and more beautiful! You are living a miracle, and it's heartwarming to read about your journey. Thank you so much for sharing it here!

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  20. Sharing in your joy...speechless Sweetie...He is so amazing! xx

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  21. This is soooooooooo wonderful!! I am so glad you put pictures up there, too! Not only were you able to write about the excitement, but it was captured in everyone's faces! Especially you and Rebekah!! I can't wait to hear more about it on Wednesday!! :)

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  22. wow, in the same room as your baby, I love that :)

    that is all amazing, awesome, wonderful & an obvious work of God!

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  23. i am so so so happy that you all have found each other. i've been following a while.. you are an inspiration and give me hope for our own adoption journey. those smiles are precious :)

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  24. What an amazing weekend for you guys! I am so glad you are able to have this relationship with Rebekah. It's so cool to see God at work in a mighty way. Thank you for sharing your story so beautifully. Can't wait to meet your little man!!

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  25. What an awesome experience. Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us :)

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  26. SO SO GLAD YOU HAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP WITH THE BMOM AND HER CHILDREN! WHAT A WONDERFUL BEGINNING TO A BEAUTIFUL STORY...GOD BLESS!

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  27. What an inspiring story. Both of the Rebekah's are in my prayers each and every night...the Rebekah that is making the ultimate sacrifice of love for her child, and of course you, who with her unselfish act, will be having your biggest dream come true.

    What a wonderful visit, a wonderful connection, a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing! You are all so blessed!!! God is creating miracles in all your lives!

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  28. Wow!!! I am just enamored with our story. What a beautiful weekend, how wonderful to see Rebekah and her kids. How wonderful to talk about and feel baby boy! I'm excited to start on our journey because your journey-no matter how hard-fills me with joy. I anticipate your posts, I can't wait to read them. Cute new page! can't wait for your next update!!

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  29. WOW......That is so awesome!!! It is truly a MIRACLE!!!

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  30. I am in love with this story, and with how you talk about your experiences as you make your way through! It truly is amazing how unforeseen connections happen and amazing stories unfold like magic. I love all the pictures, you all look so happy to be together!

    Hugs to you, I am so glad things went well with your first visit, it sounds like all of this is better and more amazing than you even could have imagined, what a miracle!!

    Melba

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  31. What an amazing trip! God always knows what is best for us.

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  32. Love watching this story unfold...it is extrodinary...only orchestrated by a God who has a perfect plan for our lives. love you

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  33. this is one amazing story....I love watching it unfold....your time has come....enjoy every moment!

    m :)
    ps...you are absolutely stunning....love the pics!

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  34. I am so glad your trip went well. Isn't it amazing how God ordains these things? LOL! I remember my hubby and I saying the same thing to each other right before we met Mia's birth parents for the first time. It is SO not normal, but yet, once it happens, it's like the most normal thing in the world. Not having them be a part of our lives and vice versa would be the non-normal thing.

    I am counting down to the big day with you. I think I am due about a week after Rebekah!

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  35. Wow. This is huge. How amazing! I am jealous of the relationship you have with that whole family. It is awesome that everyone in the family is on board, but also exponentially sad becuase they are all going to experience the adoption loss.

    The whole time we were meeting with R's birthparents I completely forgot there was a baby involved. It was all about them and us- that connection. Then we met R and...wow!

    Rebekah, this is so cool. It is so awesome you are going to have so much information for your little boy- and he is going to (already does) have so so so many people that love him to pieces!

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  36. Oh wow! I am so, so happy for you! You are so blessed! Thank you for loving my cousin and her kids! You are amazing people!
    Thank you!
    -family-

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  37. Amazing! Of all the emotions that this family could be feeling and they've accepted you into their lives. The comments those kids made to you are precious. It's wonderful for your baby boy to have this blog to be able to know all this in his future. Now how much all his family loves him. Enough to give him to another and enough to keep those connections alive.

    And the comment she made at church about you being her baby's mama! I can't imagine what that guy was thinking.
    Glad you had a good visit.

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  38. This was so wonderful! I have tears in my eyes!!! Rebekah's kids are my heroes- seriously, how awesome are they?!

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  39. What a wonderful trip! I'm so happy for all of you. It's great that your two families are going to become one family. Your little boy is going to have so much love around him.

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  40. Rebekah,
    I have been catching up on your story through your blog tonight and it is truly amazing. God is so good! I can't wait to read about all that is to come.

    ~Stacey
    (P.S. You and I are facebook friends!) :o)

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  41. He works in amazing ways doesn't he? What a beautiful story...your happiness is bursting from these photos. Thanks for sharing!

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  42. I just stumbled upon your blog yesterday (don't even remember how now, that happens alot! Haha!) and read it from the start - I'm instantly hooked. Your passion is amazing. I can't wait to continue reading reading your journey to Baby Boy!

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  43. What awesome family photos! Frist of many to come I'm sure. I'm glad that your trip went safe and was one none of you will ever forget. Thank you for always being so willing to share what God's doing in your life. Thank you for posting and allowing me to grow through your experiences. Praying for you and your entire family. Isn't cool how God can use a tool such as the internet and have people whom you have never met be praying for you and at very strategic times.

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  44. Wow, this took my breath away! What an incredible meeting. Thank you for sharing this with us.

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  45. You truly have such an amazing story to share. I am so glad that you write it so eloquently and are open to letting us witness the miracles!

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  46. Thank you for your reply.
    I love reading your blog. What a blessing it was for the 2 Rebekah's to get together. I am so glad it was all that you expected and more!

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  47. Oh my gosh, what an incredible day - this is just so remarkable!

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  48. what a beautiful story ~ i felt so much of the way you described your feelings when i met milo's birthfamily. :)unbelievable!! so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  49. I'm so glad you had such an great time. I love all of the pics. esp. the colors pic. of baby boy's two mamas!!

    God is so good!!

    Hugs,
    Tracy

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  50. Of course I LOVE this post. Ive read it many times now. I just wanted to note that tomorrow the little baby counter will be out of the double digits. WOW!!

    R

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  51. What an amazing visit! You are so fortunate to have found just the right birthfamily. This is such an important bond.

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  52. Wow!! I am so happy that things continue to go well for you and Ben. We are still struggling with our profile, but hope to get it ironed out TODAY! I thank you so much for sharing yours with us, it was wonderful!
    I look forward to many more "uplifting" and wonderful moments for you and your new extended family!! How AWESOME is GOD!!!???

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  53. This is Noble, I am from India. I was really encouraged when i read about your story and I can feel the excitement of you of welcoming your son very soon. God has a plan and purpose for every things happening in our life. In Psalms 139:14 says, we are "fearfully and wonderfully made", your son is also been made fearfully and wonderfully by God. When i read all the excitement wrapped up in your words, I am very much eager to see whats up next. I am looking forward to see the face of you son and the excited face of you and Ben. Please keep updating about the latest information. I take you as my sister and I will keep you in my prayers sister...
    God is Good and He is awesome...

    With prayers
    ur brother
    Noble

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