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First off, I have to say a tremendous thank you to ALL of you for your encouraging words. I was blown away, reading through them, to see that so many of you have walked this path, too. My spirit soars to know that I am not alone. Secondly, I am so thankful that God's mercies are new EVERY morning.
We are having a GREAT day.
This morning, LJ was up abnormally early. He came shuffling into our room and said "Morning, Mama..." I asked him to climb into bed and he snuggled really close. He laid with me for an hour before he was ready to get up. I thanked God for our sweet time.
At nap, I explained to the boy that we are going to have a new routine. I told them that whoever gets up in the morning, first (this is almost always Ty), will take their nap first, while the other gets special time with Mommy and then when that boy gets up, he will have special time with Mommy while the other one is sleeping. The beauty in this arrangement is that I still am able to squeeze out about 45 minutes of alone time.
I tucked Ty in and then LJ and I headed downstairs where the rocking chair waited. I wrapped the blanket around us and told LJ how much I loved him. I told him how many years I prayed that God would make me a mama...and then after Ty was born, how many years I prayed that God would bring us another son. I told him that he was the answer to my prayers and that we were so glad he came to be a part of our family.
LJ never said a word, he just looked at me, quietly. I asked him if he would like me to sing to him and he nodded, yes.
The Spirit of God rushed over me. Same songs, same chair, just a different boy.
LJ fell asleep two songs in, but I held him longer.
I thought of all the nights I rocked in that chair with empty arms. Our nursery was dark for nearly a year before God gifted us with Ty. I would pray and cry and dream in that chair for the babies to come. At the time, I never could have imagined where we would be, today, or the role that chair would play. It was key to bonding with Ty and I believe it will do the same with LJ.
Thank you, Lord, for giving me a good day with our beautiful boys. Give me the strength and heart to love these kids like you do...
Thank you, Jesus, for Rebekah having a better day! My prayers for you and your family continue. Our God is an awesome God, and He will be there with you guiding/carrying you through the valleys. Your faithfulness is a powerful witness.
ReplyDeleteThis makes my heart happy!
ReplyDeletebeautiful! I am thinking of you all and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post and beautiful testimony of God's faithfulness.
ReplyDeleteMy dear sister in God - I think about you and your little family every day. When I get in my car after work, I turn on KLOVE and pray for you and your family. God has you in the palm of His hand. Rest in His strength. He will NEVER let you go. Hugs to you sweet girl. It did my heart good to read you had a better day today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1sM4T-_FVw
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ReplyDeleteBeatiful post. So happy you had a better day! God is good!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. I like your idea of taking time with each son for Mommy and son time. Looks like it was a hit already.
ReplyDeleteRebekah, I have been so struck by your last few posts that I haven't even been able to comment. Your transparency here is so valuable to the rest of us and your beautiful heart shines through. I cannot imagine all of the emotions you are feeling, but I do know that you are one of the strongest, most faithful women I have ever met and you will come through this... for you, Ben, Ty and LJ.
ReplyDeleteI keep thinking about my own three year old, who is extremely spirited and pushes me to my limits every day. I cannot imagine having two of those, much less one who has been hurt in such a way. In my opinion, three is by far the hardest age. You are an amazing mother and I can't think of anyone better to take on this challenge that will soon be a distant memory.
This is beautiful. I know, with 2, I often struggle for one-on-one bonding time. I rock Jackson very rarely because it just isn't a part of his routine, but when I do, wow does my heart soar! You are doing amazing things with these sweet boys!
ReplyDeleteThe ups and downs of parenting but such a beautiful picture of love, God is good, All the time. All the time, God is good! Keep on keeping on and I'll be praying you through the journey. Love your heart
ReplyDeleteKim M
Waterford
Day by day. That's all you can do. You are the mother LJ has longed for and needed his whole life.
ReplyDeleteHeather
It was so comforting to read that you have a chair too that you once rocked with empty arms (we can relate). Can't wait until those arms are full with our baby. So happy for you and love reading your blog.
ReplyDeletewe've had our little girl 5 1/2 years now, from the day of her birth. occasionally she still 'regresses'. i don't like that word- i would say it this way: she returns to the morning of her birth to sort out the feelings she had being taken away from her birth mom...and i still rock and hold her and sing to her as if she were the newborn baby who missed that moment in her life. God chose you to fill in all the gaps in your new son's life...it takes time, it takes work, it takes a supernatural work of Holy Spirit. Be patient with yourself. you are learning as well as he is that the two of you belong together. in another two years you'll see changes you won't believe. allow HIM to guide and refresh both of you. praying for you all.
ReplyDeleteI know how exhausting this time is for you guys. You are doing all the right things. Keep in mind this is a marathon and not a sprint. LJ will heal not on the good days but on the hard days and one day you will realize that you are no longer faking it.
ReplyDeleteI am just catching up for the past few posts but do know you are not alone in any of your feelings. As I've said, my son went through major attachment issues as well. He came home at 6 months and when he was about 10 months old I was so exhausted from it all and from not getting anything back from him I admitted to my mom that I didn't even want to be around him. Then I felt horribly guilty because who doesn't want to be around their BABY? The fact it, it's just plain hard.
Regression is a very good thing for LJ and for you as well. It will allow you both to have some of the things you lost by him coming home at a later age. My son regressed himself to a newborn when he was placed with me, without be even having to do it for him. Bring out the bottles, wrap him tightly in a blanket, give a massage on his bare skin with lotion.
My son would not let me hold him for a long, long time. He is now 3 and has made tremendous progress. About 6 months ago, I was rocking him in the glider and started talking to him about all the things I did for him as a baby - held him, rocked him, cuddled him, whispered sweet nothings in his eras - the truth was though, when he was a baby, he didn't allow me to do any of those things. But talking about them as if they happened was healing for both of us and for a while my son kept asking me what I did to him as a baby. Talk to LJ about how you would have cared for him as a baby if you had had him during that time. It can be healing for both of you.
Also..one more thing...when we were going through the really hard times I was honest with my son about how hard it was for him. I would say things like, "I know you don't trust me now but you will. And when you do, it will feel so good." As young as he was, he got it. Even now we talk a lot about how he is safe now. Use the word safe whenever you can. That is what LJ is feeling, name his feelings. It will let him know it's ok to feel those feelings and also help him get power of them.
You guys are a doing a great job! Know that so many of us have walked this journey before you. it WILL get better. Keep the faith!
I don't have any words of wisdom for you....just want you to know I'm praying for you, Ben, Ty & LJ.
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