Everyday our transition gets smoother.
I noticed a new light in LJ's eyes this week. He's laughing and smiling and affectionate. When it comes to his affection, I've noticed a couple things. He is very tender and sweet with Ben and me. This morning, in fact, he woke me up with a big kiss and said, "Good morning, Mama." Unlike Ty, he loves to snuggle in the morning and let me pull him right into bed with me. When I pulled him close he said, "I love you."
He shows the same tenderness toward Ben and Ty.
When we're with family or friends, however, he's much more reserved. Most of the time he won't talk to adults or Ty's friends and refuses to say goodbye or give hugs or high fives. We don't push it.
I think he likes us fine. He's comfortable and sweet. The worst of his defiant behaviors have ceased.
Love on the other hand is going to take time....for all of us.
Mom and Dad and brother have no meaning for LJ. Twice this week, we had to correct LJ when he called other men in our lives "Daddy." Trying to explain to him that he only has one mommy, one daddy, and one brother was futile. I'm not sure what else to do, but give it time.
Ben and I still struggle with the lack of bond.
I love LJ, deeply, and enjoy his kisses and cuddles...but it doesn't feel any different than the affection I have for any of the lovies in my life that call me "Aunt B". I'm not concerned about our bond. I know it will form, it just feels strange. It feels unnatural.
I was flipping through the TV the other night and overheard a God-inspired snippet that I've been hanging onto. Bishop T.D. Jakes was talking to young mom that had adopted her nephew from foster care. Due to some difficult family history, the woman had built up resentment toward the little boy's father (her brother) and was taking it out on the little boy. She said, "I don't feel anything for this child...and I know that's not fair to him."
The Holy Spirit spoke right to my heart when T.D. Jakes said, "Our feelings are fleeting. You cannot trust them; you cannot depend on them. If you don't feel love for this boy, you go through the motions until you do." He went on to give her practical advice, but the above encouragement was all I needed.
One day I WILL feel like my boy's mother. Right now, LJ just needs a mother. Whether I feel it or not is irrelevant.
The feelings will come.