[Sorry about the music - it's from the sideshow on the last post. I'll have to blog a lot to get if off this page! :)]
I look at pictures from our weekend and wonder what happened to my baby boy? Last year on the 4th we were driving home with our new son for the first time, weeks after his birth. Now he's a growing, active, independent spirit that throws out kisses and tantrums in equal doses. Our first year with him has been a revolving door of exciting change and growth, but, now, I find myself sad. Sad that I just packed up the last remnants of baby...Ty's bottles.
I'm not overly sensitive or sentimental, but there was something about sealing that last bin, knowing that it will probably never be opened again...for our use, anyway.
I was recently at a party where girls talked baby, pregnancy, and the like. Most were newly weds or soon to be weds and infertility clearly hadn't tainted their worlds. One by one they went around the room talking about their future family plans as knots curled in my stomach. Ug.
It didn't ruin my night. I didn't go home and sulk. It just made a corner of my heart sad.
I wish that our family "planning" didn't involve loss and destruction to other mothers. I wish the process didn't have the ability to suck all the life and energy from us. I wish it could all be easier.
Ahhh. But what can you do? Nothing. At least this process has ingrained one very important trait in me - patience. I know God's not done with us.
Tonight, I'm pushing away the sad thoughts, moving past the abandoned bottles, and remembering the sheer joy this boy has brought to our lives...
(By the way I posted a tutorial for this tee over at Thrifty Heart).