Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Rebekah Love

One of the things I love most about my relationship with Rebekah is our secure friendship.

I love that I can call her on my way home from work and tell her about my insecurities as a mom and admit that I have no idea how to control Ty's hitting tenancies, all without worrying about how she might perceive me as mother of her child.  That's a big deal.

Never when I talk to her do I wonder, does she think it's okay that we do this with Ty? or if I tell her this, she might think we're totally lame parents. I love that I can just be me. I can share my heart as it is and never worry about her reaction.

She is one of those friends that just gets it. I don't have to worry about what people say or what's written here (by me or others) because I know that she knows the truth. She knows what we have and rests assured in it.

I love when God brings people into my life like that. No pretenses, no walls, just genuine, this-is-how-it-is-even-if-I'm-struggling-today friends. I, honestly, can't imagine not having her in my life. With or without Ty.

I thought about her a lot last night after our phone conversation. She gets me. She is happy with our talks,  be it 5 minutes or 5 hours. I love that she knows what it's like to balance a family and work full time and respects my time home with Ben and Ty. I love that she's a natural part of our family and a normal topic of conversation. I, routinely, update Ty on all the news. I always give him deliberate hugs and kisses from Rebekah and tell him just how much she loves him.

Yesterday, before bed, I was filling him in on their new puppy and Rebekah's, upcoming, second interview. He just sat and listened, knowingly. When I told him how lucky he is to have two mothers that love him so very much, he leaned up and kissed me right on the mouth.  It's like he knows.

I know a lot of people hate me and wish this blog would cease to exist. I get it. I don't share all the details, people jump to conclusions/read between the lines, and see me as some baby snatching monger. It's okay. It doesn't bother me. In a messed up, sin-draped world it's refreshing to have an intimate circle of people that pursue the heartbeat of God and love me through the mountains and valleys of life. Rebekah is one of those people; my life wouldn't be the same without her.

42 comments:

  1. I think what you write is beautiful and true! Adoption is hard, Adoption is beautiful, Adoption is full of loss and love. Whether people agree or disagree your blog is full of hope, love and grace! I am glad you have found a friend and much more in Rebekah--what a gift she has been--on many, many levels!

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  2. Lovely post, R! I totally get what you mean. ((hugs))

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  3. I love that you have the great relationships that you do. And I completely do not get how that could inspire hate in anyone, I really don't get it.

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  4. Rebekah,
    I love that photo of the 3 of you. Precious. I think it is bit of an overstatement to say that alot of people hate this blog. That gives too much power over to the few cyberbullies that keep posting as anony. You have a lot of blog followers and that just creates more drama. I have two adopted children and have been blogging about them for more than 4 years and have never had anyone say on my blog that my kids are unhappy being adopted, or negative comments about their birthfamilies. That is cruel and disrespectful to all children and families. You have a beautifully done blog, a compelling story, and an adorable family...and you unfortunately recieve both love and hate. I wish that wasn't so. If people have a problem with you or your blog, why on earth do they still keep reading it?

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  5. That's great that you and Rebekah have such a wonderful relationship. I do think that anyone who "hates" you for anything you write on the blog must be hurting deeply from something in their past, probably adoption related, and don't really hate you but just use you as their punching bag instead of dealing with the real issues bothering them. They lash out at you when you're not really the one they're upset with. Because really, you just share your life, your heart, etc. And personally, I love reading your blog!

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  6. Rebekah,
    Reading this made my heart soar! I love that you and my sister are such great friends and can be so real with eachother. This is life, this is how it should be. God snagged you and Ben out of millions of people and chose both of you to be Ty's parents. I am so happy. I wish you lived closer so I could give you guys hugs. Sigh..... Oh well, I know we will see you again sometime soon. ;-)

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  7. I love your blog--and your story is an amazing one. Don't ever let the voices of others drown out your own voice. You are following your heart and speaking from the heart, and that's an inspiration to all of us.

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  8. Thank you for loving and honoring becky! She is an amazing friend and cousin and I am so glad you see all her amazing qualities....You and Ben are good people!

    cindie

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  9. Can I tell you I laughed when you said "and see me as some baby snatching monger" - girl I see you as so many postive things, I just don't get it. Congrats on making adoption work. I don't know how anyone could judge you if they haven't been in this spot. But good for you for loving what life has given you and making it work!

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  10. That is a beautiful friendship. You are lucky to have each other. Funny the ways the Lord brings people into your life!
    I can't imagine how anyone could hate you or your blog. Everytime I visit here I leave feeling your love for your family and Jesus in everything you write! I love it!

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  11. You're doing an amazing thing honey; don't let the haters stop you sharing your life and your love with us.

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  12. I think your blog is fantastic don't let haters into your life. Don't take there stuff and don't mention it as to not fuel there fire is what they want. They want you to talk about it then it bring more attention to them and they will continue to try to say mean or hurtful things because they see it is bothering you. Don't give them the time of day. You know that Ty was always meant to be in your life and you know that you have so many more supportors then not. Just look at how many nice things are said all the time and how many followers you have. They attack you also because of the number of people that follow if they can be part of the drama they will. Don't let them. Be you and continue to write or type from your heart. You write and post the most beautiful things. :)

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  13. I'm an adoptee and I don't hate you. I know that to some people, this blog comes off as "smug" and to them it is offensive.
    I don't see it.
    It seems to me that Ty is where he should be given the circumstances.

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  14. Every time you're hated on, I'm always shocked. What's to hate? You're an extraordinarily loving mother who pours her heart out for others to be inspired by/learn from. Yes, you leave out some details. Who freaking cares?! That's your prerogative. I leave our details too. Honestly, I've never had hate mail or mean comments but I get so defensive for YOU when you get them- almost like they include me too as a fellow adoptive mama. Keep on loving on your son, your husband, Rebekah, etc. And please please please keep writing about it. I love reading what you have to say- the good and gritty.

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  15. I came across your blog a few weeks ago and honestly, you seem like the sweetest person on the planet! :) I know nothing about adoption-open or otherwise and don't know anyone that's ever been adopted, but to think that people come on here and "slam" you and make hate comments to you REALLY blows my mind. I'm not nieve by any stretch of the imagination but to think that people find ANY sort of fault in what you've done just floors me. I'm sorry you have to get negativity from putting your life out there for others to judge. I'm sure your story is a beakon of hope and strength for others in similar situations! You and your family are amazing and I am in awe of what you and your husband have done for Ty and the gift Rebekah gave you! God bless!

    Love and prayers,
    Christina Gomez

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  16. "No pretenses, no walls, just genuine, this-is-how-it-is-even-if-I'm-struggling-today friends...In a messed up, sin-draped world it's refreshing to have an intimate circle of people that pursue the heartbeat of God and love me through the mountains and valleys of life."

    That's who you are to me and I am forever thankful for that. Love you. I am blessed by watching the relationship of Ty's two moms grow and flourish.

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  17. I personally think you are amazing. I love the relationship you have with Ty's birthmom. It is so special and unique.

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  18. Rebekah,

    That last comment made me really sad. I am sorry that you feel that some people hate you. The fact is, you're probably right. I have began reading more and more high profile blogs and I have come to find that there are just so many people out to just spew hate... and then there are those that are so hurt by their own situations that they can't see the beauty in yours.

    I am inspired that you can continue to rise above the nastiness and share the beauty of your story to inspire others!

    Bri

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  19. That is just awesome! :) What an amazing gift Got has given you and Ty! :) I personally love your blog and your story! Thanks for allowing me to be apart of it! I think God is already using your family and Ty for big things!

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  20. Rebekah,

    I draw inspiration and hope from you posts and your relationship with Rebekah.

    *HUGS* (to both)

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  21. I would like to thank you for sharing your life and story! I think the relationship you have with Rebekah is beautiful! I believe Ty is a very blessed little boy!

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  22. I don't want you to disappear. And no matter how big or how small your updates are, I appreciate them, value them and love that you allow all of us a peek into your lives. You are special people...Rebekah you tap into places in my heart that I have long forgotten and you always remind me to be a better person. I'm thankful for that.

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  23. Wow, Rebekah...no one hates you. I read your posts regularly and I think that you are a wonderful mother to Ty and the perfect mother for him. People may disagree with you but they cannot possibly hate you. And what is there to disagree with. Ty has a wonderful life because of you. He is a very lucky little boy.

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  24. I don't know how anyone could think such things of you!... Just from reading your blog, I think you are wonderful people and Ty is very lucky to have such loving, wonderful family (ALL parts of his family!).

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  25. what we do doesn't make sense, because it is about HIM, and what HE did and is doing.

    they aren't going to get it until they receive HIM.

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  26. Wait, whaaaaaaat? WHO hates you and why? I am so confused!

    Anyways, I still read a lot but rarely comment. I had to comment here because...whaaaaat?

    I think you're great, for what that is worth, ha!

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  27. I love this post and I sincerely cannot imagine anyone hating you. Ever. Their loss and it's a big one!

    Hugs,

    Melba

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  28. Rebekah, dont let those cyberbullies stop your story of fear, hope and love. You will allow them to control all of us if you let what they say stop the spread of your beautiful story. Keep on keeping on:>

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  29. I am coming out of lurker status to say that I am so sorry if a few people have been mean. You know your truth - you're a fabulous mommy who obviously loves her little boy SOOO much. I enjoy your blog and hope you can hit delete and ignore the hateful people. Don't let the jerks get you down.

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  30. Rebekah, your story is so inspirational. As an adoptive mother, I love reading your blog and hearing your stories. Keep doing what you're doing!

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  31. Please dont let the haters get to you!! You are doing an AMAZING job with Ty and I love reading about this amazing ride you are on!! Hang in there!! xo

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  32. You two Rebekahs have created something beautiful and I just don't mean Ty, although you BOTH have a hand in him... it's FAMILY in it's truest sense of the word. Ty is a very lucky boy. As are you both to have each other - a very special connection and relationship. Of course your hubby and all the rest of your wide circle of family and close friends are part of it too. It warms my heart. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

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  33. Your family is a beautiful life story, along with Rebeka. This little guy will have the life of a lifetime, two mommies who love him dearly, what more can a boy want.

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  34. Hi!

    I just found your blog a night last week. I've read every word you wrote from the beginning until the end.

    *I* don't wish for the blog to end.. in fact, i say write more! (laugh) it would make me sad! Every night I read your story, until i caught up.

    i love that you lay out everything.. honest, raw..

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  35. I just stumbled upon your blog and I love it. I have a special place in my heart for couples who choose to have an open adoption. I'm a birthmother who has had the distinct priviledge of having an open adoption. I wouldn't change a thing. My little girl just turned 5 the end of June and is starting kindergarten this month. The bond between a birthmom and the woman she chooses to raise the baby she's carried can not be put into words. Thank you for being such an amazing woman and mom.

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  36. Rebekah, I lurk on your blog a lot and don't comment very often (how bad mannered of me!), but after reading this post I felt like I had to jump in and tell you what an absolute inspiration you are to me. My daughter has PCOS and the possibility exists that she may oneday have to pursue adoption as a means to having a baby, your story has reassured me that adoption can be a very positive experience. The wonderful relationship that you and Rebekah share fills me with joy. Thanks for sharing so openly on your blog and please don't ever feel tempted to stop because of the hurtful people out there!

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  37. I'm with other commenters - I can't believe there is anyone out there who would hate you or your blog...but I do know there are many folks out there who live with a lot of pain, fear and hatred, which may explain why the love, joy and confidence in your writing triggers their vitriol. Such a shame.
    BTW, there is a legal case in my province regarding anonymous commenters who made hateful and defamatory statements on a site, and the courts have ordered the ISP to provide the names of the commenters, who have been charged. These "anonymous" commenters are not untouchable and should consider their words carefully before hitting "send".

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  38. I don't know how anyone could "hate" you! I think you are an amazing woman with TONS of love to give! More people need to be like you. Keep the faith and know that most of us love you and look forward to your posts! Hugs and Prayers! Mollie (Ohio)

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  39. I know how you feel about your relationship with your childs birthmom, I have the exact same with my daughters, she truely is a soul mate of mine and we are way closer than I am with most of my family and girlfriends and alot of people do not get it and frankly they dont have to! but I know exactly how you feel!

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  40. You have a beautiful relationship with Rebekah. It's really an inspiration to me and I'm sure to others.
    Sorry there is so much hate in this world.

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