Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Every Bit of Miracle

Nothing in my life is the same. This little boy has rocked my world.

And I mean ROCKED it. Every day is such a joy. I did go back to work, last week, and it was rough...but it's our only door into the future. Unless anyone knows of an agent that wants to sign me for a book deal....I have to push through until I finish my master's (I'll then be able to teach at college level and have a ton more flexabililty).

Things could be much worse. I could be working with no baby to come home to! I only have to make it through 4 long days and then I get three day weekends, with my little man. We had such a fun day on Friday, just the two of us. We were both so whipped from the week, we took a very long afternoon nap, snuggled close.

We just get each other.

I can't explain it, beyond a common understanding between friends. There's no question he has stolen every piece of my heart. I feel so....alive. Ben and I tell each other at least once a day, how much better life is with Ty. There is nothing like the feeling of family...and we never quite felt like one before, Tyrus. Whether we're grocery shopping or heading out to game nights with friends, everything is more fun with Ty in tow.

I've thrown out all the rules to parenting. Who makes these rules anyway? For so long, I felt pressured to do things by the book (and not just one)...that if I didn't do things exactly right, I'd have this rotten child on my hands. And then I would question everything I did. Is this what I should be doing if I want him to act this way....or should I be concerned that he's not doing that...

I finally reached mommy freedom and now go with my gut.

Ty is extraordinary...therefore the rules don't apply (smile). We waited too long, to be bound by ordinary. I hug him and love him and snuggle him as much as humanly possible. I can't help it. My heart just throbs for him when I'm away. Sometimes, I spend the whole night with him, just because I can't bear to be apart.

I don't know if this is typical...if other moms feel this way, but it's become my normal.

I met someone at a wedding, this weekend. I hope she's reading. She asked about Tyrus...and the hollowed sadness, I know all too well, sunk behind her dark eyes. I shared our story, tried to offer hope, and went home and held Ty tighter...longer. Oh, how I remember that pain...

I still tear up when I look at Tyrus. He is every bit of miracle to my heart. The last time I saw Rebekah, I promised to love her little boy with everything I had in me...that he would never lack for love. And he hasn't.

He has become a real picture of God's love toward me. I would have never imagined I could love one little person so much. A person that I did not carry in my belly. A person that I did not birth from my womb. But, I do. When I look at Ty, I do not see someone else's son. I see my son. To think that the Father looks at us, the same way, is too overwhelming for words...

I only want Tyrus to have the best. I want him to do things right...and live a life of fullness. There will come a time in his life when he won't understand why Ben and I choose the things we do for him. He may even fight it...but we'll continue to do, and give him, what is best.

That little truth hit me like a ton of bricks, this week, thinking back on our infertility. I would never say God closed my womb - he didn't. But, he KNEW there was something better in our path. We fought it...and struggled through it, but he stayed steady. Man, did he stay steady. Just as he placed the desire of mom in my heart, he knit the facets of Tyrus, together, in Rebekah's womb. He orchestrated the piece and kept tempo on the timing.

Tonight, I stare at a little piece of perfection and can't believe he's been entrusted to me. I don't think the awe will ever wear.



39 comments:

  1. Oh that picture of Ty melts my heart. How ever did you get him to sit like that? Its an amazing picture and worthy of putting on the wall. BUT...even though I loved the picture...I loved these words the most "When I look at Ty, I do not see someone else's son. I see my son."

    When I see Tyrus...I see your son as well. Hes amazing and you and Ben are wonderful parents!!!

    Rebekah

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  2. there is something so awesome about being a mom. I didnt think anything could beat it, but I am here to say being a gaga/nana is beyond words.

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  3. Another great post dear friend! Cute photo of Ty to boot! Wish I knew a publisher!
    Hugs, Jill

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  4. Rebekah... another beautiful post that tugged at my heart!
    Look at the gorgeous pics of TY!
    He is a beautiful miracle!

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  5. Thanks for continuing to write and share your feelings. As my husband & I continue to struggle through infertility it is nice to be able to continue to rejoice with someone as they are blessed beyond belief...and know it! Your writings are a true description of Romans 12:15...I just wanted to thank you for that! :) Praying your days apart go quickly and your moments together linger with memories that you will never forget!

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  6. What a little piece of HEAVEN!!! Praise GOD!!

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  7. i am so happy for you guys! love the wagon pic too...what a cutie!

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  8. Such a beautiful post. Motherhood suits you. :-D

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  9. He is beautiful. You just beam with pride.
    So glad you are throwing out the 'rules' and just following your heart. I truly believe love does not spoil a child.
    I am guilty of sleeping with and hugging my babies all night too...if that is the way I screw them up, so be it :)

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  10. Beautiful ... YOUR son is beautiful!

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  11. I have always said that my love for our girls is a mere raindrop compared to the sea of love that God has for His children. Ty is just precious! And you are just glowing! It's beautiful to see!!!

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  12. Such a cute shot in the wagon! All boy and so sweet. Loved your post. I work for a publishing company however I do payroll and really would not know how to tell you how to make a book happen...love that boy!

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  13. You have to have that picture blown up and put on your wall. I dont think I have ever seen such a precious pic. Nice job and of course...beautiful handsome son of yours. I sure it feels like Christmas every morning you see that little face looking at you.

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  14. Rebekah, he truly is one of the cutest babies I have ever seen. You can just see the sweetness in those dark eyes. I am so happy for you and Ben!

    I hope the Masters program flies by for you--at least its half as long as a bachelors! You will be there before you know it!

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  15. This post melts my heart! Your love of being a mother just radiates with each post you write! I am so glad things have fallen into place! Ty is so handsome!

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  16. Rebekah, you can add my adoption story to your hand out if you want. I hope that my story helps someone else. http://www.adoptingthreebees.blogspot.com/
    -k

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  17. You impress me as being a wonderful mom.
    Eventually I had to throw out all the books and trust that I knew what was right for my daughter. I started saying to myself "don't read books, read your child". They will tell you what to do.

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  18. What a beautiful post :) You always make me tear up!
    My son will be three this month and I still miss him every second I'm away from him. He still sleeps with my husband and I every night. I love crawling into bed and holding his sleeping hand as I fall to sleep. There is nothing more wonderful :)

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  19. Oh Rebekah, I just love reading your blog. Except for the fact that I almost always cry :), but they are tears of joy for you and sorrow for those many mothers out their still in the waiting for their babies. Thank you so much for sharing...Maya

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  20. i love seeing you with your little boy!

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  21. Good for you- throwing the "rules" out the window!!! No baby is one-size-fits-all by any means. Trust your instincts (God gave them to mothers for a reason!) and trust in God and Ty will do just wonderful.

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  22. The awe never wears. My adopted son is 18 next week and I love him beyond measure. He has enriched our family's life and brought so much happiness and joy to us. we have a very special bond that I know was helped by the fact that I too held him ,slept with him and kept him with me as much as possible while he was a baby. Hes now a very loving, normal, well balanced boy - or I should say young man. He is the child of my heart and the light of my life. Carry on doing just what feels right. I clearly remember the day he was put into my arms but the 18 years in between have flown by so fast. Enjoy and love him. Times goes so fast.

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  23. I think most moms feel this way...just last night Chris and I were watching P sleep and talking about how sweet he has made our life and all the joy he has brought.

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  24. Love your pics...some of them look professional! Are they, our are you two just photographers on the side?:)

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  25. Amazing...another amazing post! Your words are felt in my heart like no other. Ty is one lucky lil' man! I happen to be glancing down your side bar at your ADOPTION DATES and I never realized how many dates we share in common. We got THE CALL for DJ on 1/27 of 2008 and we flew out to meet Heather on 4/11 as well....just brought back some wonderful memories of an amazing journey.

    I look at my children every day and cannot believe the miracle God has given me.

    Dori

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  26. GREAT post. You are an amazing mother! There is just an unexplained connection I share with L, you put it to words so eloquently in a way that I could not. We just "get" each other. I look at her and she looks at me and we just "know." It freaking rules.
    *hugs*

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  27. Beautiful, Rebekah! You have a way with words that I wish I had, becuase I feel all those same feelings. It never seems like enough to say or write how much love you have for your child, but man it is amazing!! It is every bit as wonderful as I dreamed!

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  28. Always uplifting to see get an update - you both are just beautiful and your joy shines through!

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  29. I just recently found your blog and I read your whole story! Your story is truly amazing and you do need to write a book!!! Baby Ty is sooo handsome!!

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  30. just came across your blog....so glad i did.
    it's so heart warming and sweet!
    your little ty melts my heart.
    i am so happy for you and your family :)
    you sound like the most proud mom ever!

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  31. I can't wait for your book deal to come through Rebekah...I promise to get a copy of it as soon as it's published but you gotta autograph it for me. ; )

    I feel the pain of infertility and although I don't openly share it on my blog (only with a select few) I am confident God has a purpose far greater than what I can imagine now. Although it is painful I am at peace with God's decision.

    You make adopting a baby so desirable that if that is God's plan for our life, I pray I am able to embrace it as you have.

    Thank you for touching my life with your words and story.

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  32. It's nice to find someone that has been down my road...I don't feel so alone! That's what blogs are for, right?! Closely behind you I am following in your footsteps. Our birthmom is due on November 13th! Your transparency on this blog will bless many and I am definately one of them. Thank you for the beautiful words...God has given you a gift to communicate to others through writing. Thank you for being REAL!

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  33. This is SO sweet! The pictures of Ty are so so so cute...he is way too precious. Oh, and I love the new layout & header...that picture brings me to tears!! :)

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  34. I love reading your joy :) It jumps off the screen!

    btw, I've given you a blog award! Check it out at my blog.

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