Every Bit of Miracle

Nothing in my life is the same. This little boy has rocked my world.

And I mean ROCKED it. Every day is such a joy. I did go back to work, last week, and it was rough...but it's our only door into the future. Unless anyone knows of an agent that wants to sign me for a book deal....I have to push through until I finish my master's (I'll then be able to teach at college level and have a ton more flexabililty).

Things could be much worse. I could be working with no baby to come home to! I only have to make it through 4 long days and then I get three day weekends, with my little man. We had such a fun day on Friday, just the two of us. We were both so whipped from the week, we took a very long afternoon nap, snuggled close.

We just get each other.

I can't explain it, beyond a common understanding between friends. There's no question he has stolen every piece of my heart. I feel so....alive. Ben and I tell each other at least once a day, how much better life is with Ty. There is nothing like the feeling of family...and we never quite felt like one before, Tyrus. Whether we're grocery shopping or heading out to game nights with friends, everything is more fun with Ty in tow.

I've thrown out all the rules to parenting. Who makes these rules anyway? For so long, I felt pressured to do things by the book (and not just one)...that if I didn't do things exactly right, I'd have this rotten child on my hands. And then I would question everything I did. Is this what I should be doing if I want him to act this way....or should I be concerned that he's not doing that...

I finally reached mommy freedom and now go with my gut.

Ty is extraordinary...therefore the rules don't apply (smile). We waited too long, to be bound by ordinary. I hug him and love him and snuggle him as much as humanly possible. I can't help it. My heart just throbs for him when I'm away. Sometimes, I spend the whole night with him, just because I can't bear to be apart.

I don't know if this is typical...if other moms feel this way, but it's become my normal.

I met someone at a wedding, this weekend. I hope she's reading. She asked about Tyrus...and the hollowed sadness, I know all too well, sunk behind her dark eyes. I shared our story, tried to offer hope, and went home and held Ty tighter...longer. Oh, how I remember that pain...

I still tear up when I look at Tyrus. He is every bit of miracle to my heart. The last time I saw Rebekah, I promised to love her little boy with everything I had in me...that he would never lack for love. And he hasn't.

He has become a real picture of God's love toward me. I would have never imagined I could love one little person so much. A person that I did not carry in my belly. A person that I did not birth from my womb. But, I do. When I look at Ty, I do not see someone else's son. I see my son. To think that the Father looks at us, the same way, is too overwhelming for words...

I only want Tyrus to have the best. I want him to do things right...and live a life of fullness. There will come a time in his life when he won't understand why Ben and I choose the things we do for him. He may even fight it...but we'll continue to do, and give him, what is best.

That little truth hit me like a ton of bricks, this week, thinking back on our infertility. I would never say God closed my womb - he didn't. But, he KNEW there was something better in our path. We fought it...and struggled through it, but he stayed steady. Man, did he stay steady. Just as he placed the desire of mom in my heart, he knit the facets of Tyrus, together, in Rebekah's womb. He orchestrated the piece and kept tempo on the timing.

Tonight, I stare at a little piece of perfection and can't believe he's been entrusted to me. I don't think the awe will ever wear.