Preparations

A new chapter is ready to begin.

God has brought me to the edge and asked...are you ready?

A conversation happened in November that sparked a flame in my heart. I'm usually not a "let me chew on it" kind of girl, but, this time, the Holy Spirit quickened my heart to wait...and listen.

Over the past few months, God has, distintcly been pointing out areas of my life that need serious prayer. Not the shotgun to heaven, fast and direct, kind. No. The lay prostrate, gut-driving, tongue-talking, don't-get-up-from-the-ground-without-answers kind.

Because the only time that is truly "mine" is after work and the boys' bedtime, I have had to wait for a period where I could set aside a week to fast. Not a food fast, but a time fast. Next week is that week.

I committed to give every night to the Lord. No TV. No phone. No music. No Internet. I can only give of my time...and I'm going to give it all. With only a Bible and notebook, in hand, I am going to pound on the door of heaven and seek the face of God for my family.

I admit that I am equal parts anticipation and nerves.

I know God will meet me...what will He say? Am I ready?

For months, there has been an offering basket at the altar of my heart and the Holy Spirit has directed me to place items in the basket.

In November, it was publishing our story. In December, it was the sanctuary we are seeking in buying a new house. In February, it was LJ and Ben's career. And, just today, Baby Mia (LJ's sister).

I'll elaborate more on the others, later, but I'll spend a few minutes talking about little Mia and why God's voice on the matter is crucial.

Today, I received two calls from LJ's G-Mama. We haven't talked in months.

The first call was less than 20 seconds. "Rebekah, I don't have time to talk, I just need to know the name of LJ's sister. The one you want to adopt. I need to nose around."

Two hours later, she called back.

If you've spent any time around foster care, you know information is hard to come by and when you have it, it's unreliable at best. The last I heard, Mia's parental rights had yet to be terminated, but would most likely be heading in that direction. I also heard that there were three interested parties, as far as adoption goes. Her foster mom, one of the other adoptive families with two of LJ's siblings, and us. I was told on the day of LJ's finalization that we would be contacted if an adoption family was needed (the case worker would be responsible for choosing the best fit).

G-Mama is fostering a special needs child and has a new case worker in her home. That case worker also happens to have Baby Mia's case. G-Mama nearly pounced on her for information and asked about our place in line for adoption (termination will be determined in April). The case worker had never heard of us.

(I immediately called our case worker who noted that the case worker she had talked to was promoted several months ago to supervisor and then, recently, left the agency. Transferring important information to and from case workers is too much to ask, in our experience).

My heart lept at the phone call, but I forced myself to stay neutral. It would be too easy to assume God's plan at the chances of G-Mama connecting with the very case worker of the little girl that is a mirror image of our son, that we so desperately want to bring home. I've been down that road before and exerienced heartache.

God's ways our not always mine....boy, have we seen that! And as much as I long for all the answers and easy paths, I do not want to step outside of the story God is writing. Mia has a biological family member that is also interested in adopting her. She might be part of their story. There might be a sibling group, right around the corner, that needs to be a part of ours, instead.

I am desperate for the face of God. There is an urgeny in my heart over the offering that I plan to bring next week.

I just finished reading Sarai and Abram's story. They were faithful people - dependent on the Lord's direction. God told Abram that he would make him the father of many nations DECADES before actually doing it. While waiting, they got antsy. They took matters into their own hands and messed with God's plan. We can see the effects of their error, today, through the nation of Islam. Their story is so moving, because what Sarai did was, culturally, acceptable. When a woman was barren and could not produce an heir, it was customary for her to give a handmaiden to her husband for reproduction. Hagar did not go to Abram in scandal. On the contrary, Abram and Sarai talked themselves into believing that God's intention was to be faithful through Hagar. They were wrong.

How, easily, we, too, slip into the routine of life and misinterpret God's plans for us?

I'm eager for this new chapter...I see the dripping ink and unrolled scroll. I don't want to misstep. I pray for my fasting week at every chance. I'm praying that God prepares my heart. That my mind will clear and my soul will listen.

I am ready.

Black History Month

I, ashamedly, admit that this year is the first year that I, seriously, and thoughtfully, celebrated Black History Month. Bringing LJ home has altered my world view in all the best ways. It has forced me to look at life through a new lens. A lens that encourages diversity and steps outside my cultural boundaries.

I don't want either of my boys to grow up in a world surrounded by people that look like Ben and I. In fact, I have made a conscious effort to make friendships outside of my community. We even made a difficult decision to leave our home church to attend an extremely diverse church, closer to the city.

At the top of the month, I listened to a presentation on Dr. King. I found myself so pulled in by his life. I have heard the stories and speeches before....but this time was different because I'm different. This time I am parenting a black son. A son who several decades ago wouldn't have been given the same rights as his brother.

Last week, I attended an African-American Literature read-in. All of the literature being read was written by black men or women. Again, I found myself riveted by their stories. So much so, that I immediately went and bought several books, including Maya Angelou's, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.

I'm not trying to force myself to be something I'm not. Rather, I feel this strong connection to black history, now, because of LJ. It's embarrassing to admit, because I should have been interested all along. It shouldn't take mothering a black son to care about the sacrifices that were made for me to live in the world as I know it. Before it was just history...and I wasn't that into it. Now it's legacy. And I can't get enough.

Although, we have come so far, I am acutely aware of the racism that still exists. And, sadly, the forms I encounter don't realize their error. When I hear a family say they would never adopt a black child or overhear a young woman say she couldn't date a black man or listen to a student try to reason with the class on why Tiana does not belong among the Disney princesses, I am stunned. Those words would have made me uncomfortable before...but, now, they make me downright angry.

The mama bear in me roars up.

I hope my son never hears such a comment in his life time. God will not judge him on his race, but his character...his actions...his love.

Thankfully, such ignorance seems to be few and far between. Most people are loving and accepting of our family. I am thankful that God has expanded my worldview and given me a hunger for knowledge. When I am talking to my boys about faith and leadership, sacrifice and honor, I am thrilled to have diverse examples.

It's such a true picture of who God is.

Colorado

We had a wonderful visit with Rebekah, this past weekend.

As soon as we arrived at the mountains, Ben said, "Don't you feel like this is our town?" There is a drawing sense of home when we enter the Springs. The streets are familiar; memory and family tangle together, welcoming us back.

Ty was a little overwhelmed with the amount of love and people, when we first arrived, but he, quickly, fell into the fold and enjoyed being re-introduced to his first family.

Hands-down, the best part of the trip was watching Ty interact with Rebekah. He had the chance to ask his most burning question - "What did you eat when I was in your belly?"

 

Watching Ty interact and play with his siblings was warming to the heart. It turns out that his oldest brother shares the same tender spirit. 

I continue to marvel at Rebekah's zest for life and joyful outlook. Ty will only grow to appreciate her more as he gets to know her.

 What a treasure.

(LJ did GREAT. He stayed home with our best friends and only asked about us on our last night apart. He barreled into Ty as soon as we got home and said, "Tyrus! Tyrus! My brother is home!" It was a great weekend with sweet reunions on both ends).

FAQ: Managing Insecurity and Offense

I received a lot of emails and phone calls over my "Mom" post a few weeks ago. I was a little surprised to hear that so many people were surprised that I was okay with Ty calling Rebekah, Mom. One reader wrote an extremely honest email and admitted that she would be crushed if her adopted son called his birth mom, Mom. She was writing for pointers on how to be more secure in that relationship.

We were at church, last week, and someone was admiring the boys and said, "Now, Ty is your real son, right?" I smiled and launched into our story on how both of our boys came to be. I love telling it.

I know that many adoptive parents equate adoption ignorance to cruel and intentional insults...I just don't see it that way. I take ignorance for what it is and understand that it is usually bred by curiosity.

Overall, I would say our adoption community is hyper-sensitive when it comes to talking about adoption. Parents spend more time than is necessary trying to prove their place and position...while the child never questions it. 

Before Ty was born, God gave me a revelation that has never left my mind. It was like a bright light turned on the day I realized Tyrus belongs to him. Not Rebekah. Not me.

God privileged us with the opportunity to mother him, but possession belongs to God alone. That really helped me in the early days of getting to know Rebekah. It removed the pressure of having to define our roles in ways that seemed unnatural.

Love is not finite. There is no limit to the amount you can give - or get. We always approached Ty's adoption with this attitude because we knew he could never get his "fill" of love. Rebekah's presence in Ty's life doesn't diminish mine. The same goes for her sister and mother and grandmother. Those relationships don't take away from the ones he has on our side of the family...they just add to it.

I look at Ty calling Rebekah, "Mom", the same way. He wants to call her mom because he understands the breadth of what she did for him. He understands her love and affection and wants to return it in a way that makes sense to him. It's kind of like me calling Ben's mom, mom. She's not the mother that stressed and sacrificed and poured into me for the 20 years I had before marrying Ben, but she has enriched my life in countless ways over the last 11. I call her mom because I want to show her respect, love, and admiration. My mom doesn't feel jealous, insecure, or out of place because of my acknowledgement of Ben's mom. She knows her place. She will always be my mom.

I know that not everyone has that type of relationship with their mother-in-law, but I hope it helps explain why Ty's recent choice of words doesn't bother me.

Ultimately, it comes down to my security in the Lord. I know who I am in Christ, so it's pretty easy to let insecurities roll down my back. When people use the word "real" when referring to my boys or their moms, it doesn't offend me because I know who they are to me and who I am to them. Most of the people we run into have no adoption experience. They just ask the first thing that pops into their head. I don't feel the need to make it a teaching opportunity because most of them will never run into adoption, again. Instead, I use their curiosity as a platform to tell our story and praise God for his goodness!

In just a few short days, Ty will have the opportunity to be with both of his moms and the rest of his extended Colorado family. What a wonderful reunion it will be. I can't wait to get home and tell you all about it!

Doing More. Dreaming Big.

Whether you make new year resolutions/goals or not, I would like to challenge you in something, this year.

Give to a greater capacity. 

I just finished reading an amazing (must-read) book, called "In a Heartbeat: Sharing the power of Cheerful Giving". It is written by the adoptive parents of Michael Oher, Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy (The Blind Side).

I am not being paid to do this. I got this book for Christmas and was glued to every page. This family did much more than adopt a teenage boy who had slipped through the cracks of a broken foster care system. Their lives have been an act of giving, before and after Michael.

They write (Page 262):

When we see children - children who have previously been invisible - and see them not just with our eyes but with our hearts and in our souls, it's one of the most critical gifts we can give. If Michael, with all of his potential could go missing, then how many other bright, wonderful kids are slipping through the cracks because people don't notice them?

It's not just about adoption. Yes, we need more people to rise up and fill a need. Yes, if one family from every church in America agreed to take one child we could eliminate the registry of waiting children. But, what about the kids that never land in foster care? What about the kids whose neglect isn't as visible?

There are so many parts in this book that moved me to tears. One was when Michael is a freshmen in college and his parents tell him to bring home any of his teammates that don't have family or homes in which to spend the holidays. Michael brings home 25 players. Their spirit of giving is contagious and was built into their children. I am so inspired to reach further and love harder.

Sometimes Ben and I talk about being "done", once we adopt a little sister or sisters for the boys, but then on days like, today, Ben will say, "Do you really ever envision us not raising kids?" We were talking about what life would be like one day when the kids are all grown up. We don't foresee us having an empty house. There's too much to do. Too many babies (big and small) that need love.

We have been house hunting for nearly a year. Our little condo has served us for ten years, but it has reached capacity! We have had two realtors and both would tell you that I am high maintenance. It's more than just a home to me. I am looking for a sanctuary. A place to hold as many beds as possible. There has to be enough room for our kids to be loud and crazy and have room to explore. There has to be room to hold impromptu worship services and prayer sessions. I need a dining room table that seats a minimum of ten. Because I only have a glimpse at what God is doing, I have to be prepared. Of course, my list of must-haves must also fit within a tight budget. But, that's where I trust God.

Our pastor once said, "If you can accomplish your dreams on your own, they're not big enough." That word burrowed deep into the secret place of my heart. I am asking God for BIG things. I am asking him to use me in ways that don't make sense in the natural. I want to be a supernatural giver. Every area of my life.

Won't you join me, this year, in looking for extra ways to give (and tell me about them when you find them!)?

Let's see what God will do.

Mom

Rebekah sent Ty a photobook for Christmas. It's Ty's favorite gift.

Every day he says, "Mom, can I look at my special book?" or "I'm going to put my special book in my special box."

Ty and I have gone to a deeper level in our mother/son relationship.

It was during the week of Christmas. We were sitting on the couch and I was dialing Rebekah when I said, "Come here, babe, we're gonna call Miss Rebekah."

He looked right in my eyes and said, "Mom, I'm going to call her Mom, now, because she's my first mom."

If words could, physically, touch my heart, his did.

All our moments came rushing to me...

I was not envious or insecure or hurt.

I was proud.

In that instant, my baby boy stood as tall as a man. He was secure in my love for him and expressing his love for Rebekah.

I know my job is far from done, but in that moment I felt it was.

Despite our weakness and impatience and miss-the-mark days, Ben and I managed to teach our son how to love beyond himself.

In just a few weeks we will board a plane to Colorado and my sweet Ty will get to call Rebekah "Mom", in person.

The thought brings tears to my eyes.

I will never forget the day we stood in Rebekah's apartment. I watched her say goodbye to her son and kiss every part of his exposed skin. We hugged each other, tightly...afraid to let go. With tears in our eyes, we stood still for a moment and I said, "I will thank you with his life."

She nodded, overtaken with sadness, and let us go.

All of the kind words in the world could never thank Rebekah, enough, for allowing us to raise her son. I am hoping this visit, more than the ones that have been before it, will prove our love for her through Ty's thoughtful words and tender heart.

I know it's our story, but somedays I still can't believe I'm living it.

My mama heart is so full of love for my family.

Christmas Vacation

We had a really fantastic Christmas with the boys. I wouldn't call it relaxing...but life isn't such with two three year olds running around! We went snow tubing, swimming at the aquatic center, experienced our first 3D movie, stayed up late, spent our mornings in pjs, and had hours of quality time with family and friends. Here are a few of my favorite shots from the week.

One of our goals for 2013 is to find the boys a little sister. We feel settled...and ready. I got right to work on that, today, when I emailed our Michigan Adoption Resource Exchange, inquiring about three precious brothers that I have been praying for since I saw them months ago. I was afraid they were going to be split up for waiting so long. I received a call back within a couple of hours letting me know that a family had just been identified. I rejoiced for the boys and said a little prayer of thankfulness. The thought of mothering five boys under the age of 3 was a little daunting!

We are excited for the new year and waiting in anticipation to see how God will use us!