A new chapter is ready to begin.
God has brought me to the edge and asked...are you ready?
A conversation happened in November that sparked a flame in my heart. I'm usually not a "let me chew on it" kind of girl, but, this time, the Holy Spirit quickened my heart to wait...and listen.
Over the past few months, God has, distintcly been pointing out areas of my life that need serious prayer. Not the shotgun to heaven, fast and direct, kind. No. The lay prostrate, gut-driving, tongue-talking, don't-get-up-from-the-ground-without-answers kind.
Because the only time that is truly "mine" is after work and the boys' bedtime, I have had to wait for a period where I could set aside a week to fast. Not a food fast, but a time fast. Next week is that week.
I committed to give every night to the Lord. No TV. No phone. No music. No Internet. I can only give of my time...and I'm going to give it all. With only a Bible and notebook, in hand, I am going to pound on the door of heaven and seek the face of God for my family.
I admit that I am equal parts anticipation and nerves.
I know God will meet me...what will He say? Am I ready?
For months, there has been an offering basket at the altar of my heart and the Holy Spirit has directed me to place items in the basket.
In November, it was publishing our story. In December, it was the sanctuary we are seeking in buying a new house. In February, it was LJ and Ben's career. And, just today, Baby Mia (LJ's sister).
I'll elaborate more on the others, later, but I'll spend a few minutes talking about little Mia and why God's voice on the matter is crucial.
Today, I received two calls from LJ's G-Mama. We haven't talked in months.
The first call was less than 20 seconds. "Rebekah, I don't have time to talk, I just need to know the name of LJ's sister. The one you want to adopt. I need to nose around."
Two hours later, she called back.
If you've spent any time around foster care, you know information is hard to come by and when you have it, it's unreliable at best. The last I heard, Mia's parental rights had yet to be terminated, but would most likely be heading in that direction. I also heard that there were three interested parties, as far as adoption goes. Her foster mom, one of the other adoptive families with two of LJ's siblings, and us. I was told on the day of LJ's finalization that we would be contacted if an adoption family was needed (the case worker would be responsible for choosing the best fit).
G-Mama is fostering a special needs child and has a new case worker in her home. That case worker also happens to have Baby Mia's case. G-Mama nearly pounced on her for information and asked about our place in line for adoption (termination will be determined in April). The case worker had never heard of us.
(I immediately called our case worker who noted that the case worker she had talked to was promoted several months ago to supervisor and then, recently, left the agency. Transferring important information to and from case workers is too much to ask, in our experience).
My heart lept at the phone call, but I forced myself to stay neutral. It would be too easy to assume God's plan at the chances of G-Mama connecting with the very case worker of the little girl that is a mirror image of our son, that we so desperately want to bring home. I've been down that road before and exerienced heartache.
God's ways our not always mine....boy, have we seen that! And as much as I long for all the answers and easy paths, I do not want to step outside of the story God is writing. Mia has a biological family member that is also interested in adopting her. She might be part of their story. There might be a sibling group, right around the corner, that needs to be a part of ours, instead.
I am desperate for the face of God. There is an urgeny in my heart over the offering that I plan to bring next week.
I just finished reading Sarai and Abram's story. They were faithful people - dependent on the Lord's direction. God told Abram that he would make him the father of many nations DECADES before actually doing it. While waiting, they got antsy. They took matters into their own hands and messed with God's plan. We can see the effects of their error, today, through the nation of Islam. Their story is so moving, because what Sarai did was, culturally, acceptable. When a woman was barren and could not produce an heir, it was customary for her to give a handmaiden to her husband for reproduction. Hagar did not go to Abram in scandal. On the contrary, Abram and Sarai talked themselves into believing that God's intention was to be faithful through Hagar. They were wrong.
How, easily, we, too, slip into the routine of life and misinterpret God's plans for us?
I'm eager for this new chapter...I see the dripping ink and unrolled scroll. I don't want to misstep. I pray for my fasting week at every chance. I'm praying that God prepares my heart. That my mind will clear and my soul will listen.
I am ready.