Last year was such an incredibly challenging year and even though God gave us the strength we needed to endure it, the stride was not sustainable, nor without effect. A few months ago I spent, nearly, two weeks crying out to the Lord (literal crying), asking for a strategy to simply my life. Something had to change and I asked him to start with me.
I reduced my hours at work, which made the most noticeable difference in my time, but a close second was cutting out TV. I never was big into shows, but pure exhaustion led me to the couch night after night and soon I was lost to more than a dozen fictional families. It had become my go-to stress release; watching the drama in their lives allowed me to take a break from my own.
Stage two of this revolution came in organizing my newly found time into three parts:
- Daily intimacy with God
- Meaningful moments with my family
- Tackling projects around the house (prioritized by the amount of crazy they will relieve from my routine)
It has only been a month...but I am a new woman. Every exhale meets a state of rest and I'm a way better wife and mother for it.
Self-reflection has been a natural part of this toxic purge and personal discovery the reward behind every car load to the nearest secondhand store.
A few days ago, I had two positive encounters that I brought back to my prayer closet. Two different women on the same day interacted with my kids in such a way that prompted a longing in my heart to duplicate their gentle demeanors.
I quietly sat thinking about the love they expressed, wishing their softness was standard with my model, when the Holy Spirit’s presence filled the room and spoke to my identity. His rebuke was swift, but heavy – Don’t pray to be more like anyone else. Pray to be exactly who your children need you to be.
My spirit man affirmed the truth spoken and I sat in awe of God’s care for me – a tired mama of four babies, praying a simple prayer of sanding for my rough edges. It’s not that I don’t need more juicy spiritual fruit in my life; I certainly do. My prayer was problematic because I assumed to know best, instead of asking God for his best.
It was a needed reminder that my own good intentions can lead me astray and profitable gifts can fail without the voice of the Father.
The depths of this thickening process are rich.