Today, I had the rare treat of spending a full day with just the three boys. We headed out early to our local Metropark farm so that we could catch the cows getting milked.
It's one of our favorite places to visit as a family...and it's free!
On the way, Ty and LJ prepped Sweet Boy on all the fun we'd have. LJ told him about the cows "gutters" and how the milk goes through the tubes for cleaning. Ty named his favorite animals by name and wondered if Shortcake's baby (from last spring) would still be there.
Sweet Boy was quiet.
As soon as we got out of the car he asked to go home.
I was taken back two years.
LJ still deal with light shades of insecurity, but nothing as dark as those early days. He was so gripped with fear, anything out of routine resulted in an anxiety so palpable, it nearly crippled him.
EVERY time we left the house he asked to go home. He would cry in the car and ask to hold my hand. And he was two. Sweet Boy is four.
The insecurity is the same.
They were never taught to hold home in their heart.
I hurt for Sweet Boy, yet, I watch LJ and know rescue is on its way.
Sweet Boy was very nervous around the animals. He tried to hang back and not get involved, but I'm not that kind of mom.
Life is a delicate balance of knowing when to push and when to pray. I do a lot of both, but today I pushed...because I know the sensitivity and tenderness that is waiting for its chance.
He never let go enough to enjoy our day, but we did get quiet moments together on the bench, watching the boys play.
I held his hand and told him he would love the farm one day, too.
Pray for us tomorrow. Our pre-trial is in the morning.