Wednesday, April 2, 2014

I'm a foster kid.

At breakfast, this morning, Ty and LJ were imagining a special button in my car that we've never seen before. Apparently, when I push said button, the car transforms into a rocket ship and has the ability to blast us to school! I was enjoying their creativity, but noticed Sweet Boy was quiet; thoughtful. It was early, so I left him to his thoughts.

LJ was in mid blast-off countdown when Sweet Boy blurted out, "I'm a foster kid."

It was hollow; matter-of-fact.

"What does that mean, buddy?" I asked.

"It means...I have no family."


My heart stood still, gripped with emotion, but the Holy Spirit didn't miss a beat.

"What?????? No family? What are we??? Ty are we Sweet Boy's family?"

"Yup, we're brothers!"

"LJ, are we Sweet Boy's family?"

"Oh, yeah!"

"You know what, buddy? I am your family. And Ty. And LJ. And Daddy. (Ty reminded me that I forgot baby sister). And do you know what we're going to do? We're going to adopt you. Because we want you to be in this family forever."

I said it.

I'm done with politics. My heart knows it and his needs to feel it.

"Would you like us to adopt you?"

He shrugged.

"Come on....Don't you wan't to be a Pinchback?"

He gave a slight smile and scrunched his nose.

"Yah...I know, it's a silly last name, but we all share it!"

He smiled, but spent the rest of the morning inside himself. When we were getting dressed, I asked him to tell me who called him a foster kid (thinking someone at school must of said something; we don't use that language at home). His reply was, simply, "No one said it. It's just in my head, mom."

By the time I dropped them off at preschool, he had moved on. He was excited that they were going to be talking about planes in class, today.

His words, however, hang in the air...haunting my thoughts.

My four year old son has accepted the world's label.

What's even more troubling is that he associates it with isolation; lack of love; family.

I need you, Jesus.
Right now.


  1. Praying for peace to fill sweet-boy's heart and mind...and yours too.

  2. Wonderfully said. We need more loving people like you in this world <3

  3. Oh, poor little guy. Just breaks my heart to know he is feeling that and makes me want to give him a big hug. In time, his little heart will heal and he will no longer see himself as just a "foster kid" and instead will see that he really and truly is part of your family and God's family.

  4. What a beautiful post. Just because it's terribly sad, it's all to real. I was a foster mom (adopted two of them) for many years. I always tried to make them part of our family and encouraged open conversation. But, facts are facts and you can't fool kids. Just let them know you love them.

  5. :( I hate labels, and I hate that he has picked up on that label. I'm so thankful he has you all. It makes me sad to think their are so so many other kiddos out there just like sweet boy.
    Thinking and praying for you all!! ((HUGS)) to you and your beautiful family!!

  6. you handled that beautifully in the moment. but i can only imagine how your heart must have been split wide open at sweet boy's words. heartbreaking, but he is so so lucky to have you and your husband in his corner.

  7. Aw, that broke my heart! Someone told my daughter recently that she wasnt my real daughter. So we talked about what real was. I just ask her to define the word, and then ask her what we were. She started laughing and said that girl must be crazy cause we are right here with her everyday. And we just talked and talked. I love how you handled the conversation. "hugs"

  8. Been reading here since before Ty was born but it was this post many years later that reduced me to sad tears. The fact that these poor, innocent children feel this way through no fault of their own breaks my heart. I so look forward to seeing sweet boy transform as LJ did in the security of his forever family.

  9. How terrible. I just really, really hope TPR happens so he's not disappointed. That would be extra awful.

  10. I enjoy your blog. I am adopted but was not a foster child. Please tell sweet boy that we are ALL foster kids...God is our Father. xxoo

  11. Praying for that little guy. I can't wait to hear about his transformation as he accepts and grows in your love.

  12. Oh this brings tears to my are doing an amazing job with these kiddos Rebekah. Thank God they have you to learn what love and family are all about!

  13. Praying that peace surrounds Sweet boy and he feels the love and warmth from your family.

  14. Praying for continued strength and wisdom as each day comes.

  15. Having a sense of family crisis myself...I pray God provides all the answers for you and your family and abundance of wisdom for you and your husband! Be blessed!!!!

  16. My Jordan struggles with that. He moved in about 18 months ago, he was adopted a little less than a year ago. He was at the adoption hearing. He changed his name to our last name....and yet just a week ago basically thought sooner or later he would be going to live with someone else. Long story, but that all came out one day. He is seven years old. All he knows is that every few years you go live somewhere else. We explained to him every way we know how that THIS is forever. He still idolizes his bios. He talks about his "old school"....he is such a great kid...he is working thru some pretty big stuff for being seven.