Ben and Barren

I'm not ready to hold a flapping, white flag, while wearing an I heart barrenness tee, but God has really worked the spirit of thankfulness into my life. Every year that I can remember, my mom makes us go around the turkey table and share the thanks in our hearts. This year, Ben and barrenness topped the list.

Naturally, Ty is an obvious joy-product of such a struggle, but my thanksgiving runs deeper. If it weren't for my barren belly, I would not be the kind of mom, wife, or God-child that I've been called to be. I see the fullness of that, now, and man! am I thankful. I'm even thankful for being thankful! The number of years wasted in deep-trenched, ungrateful pain were too many. But like most things in life, the aftermath clarity is perceptible.

My Ben is always on my long list of thanks, but this year he gets an extra measure. The man is a complete God-send. Long papers and late-night exams have consumed my life for months and Ben has never complained about the slack. He's cleaning, cooking, and grocery-ing, every week, and his double-duty efforts don't go unnoticed. When I think of all the peaks and valleys our young eight year marriage has endured, song can't help, but erupt from my heart. God is so good.

Every other week, I threaten to quit my MBA program and every other week Ben encourages me to stay strong. He, continually, strokes the embers of our family vision, while keeping the pantry well stocked with Oreos. 

I often wonder how any other man would put up with my intense passion and quirky habits. He's not at-all intimidated by my drive and doesn't flinch at the thought of adopting ten kids. How did I get so lucky? 

In a season of giving thanks and in the shadow of a horrifying event (please read and encourage sweet Vee), my heart spills over thankfulness for the barren belly that brought me Ty and for the love of the Father that brought me Ben.