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Ty, of course, has always felt like a part of our family, but as he begins to really communicate and tease and engage, our family dynamic has really changed. Tonight we spent a solid hour wrestling on the floor, just the three of us. His peals of laughter are proof enough that God exists. There's just nothing like it.
Being a mom has taught me so much about who God is and how he loves. Ty has a wicked anger streak that takes him from 0 - 10 in a second in a half, yet he's also one of the most tenderhearted little boys I've ever seen. Parenting him has been such a privilege and I love the person God is shaping me to be. So many characteristics are sharpening into facets that never existed pre-motherhood.
People often tell me how strong my faith is....but, I have to answer with - "Yeah, now." There were a lot of dark, bitter, and raging days pre-Ty. I questioned anything and everything that God ever told me, showed me, or put in my heart. In the days leading up to Rebekah's first contact, I had run over faith like a dirty sweatshirt and was barely functioning as a shell. [If you're in that spot, today...please know that it's temporary].
God is faithful.
I really can't view him any other way, this side of adoption. Some days I get anxious about the fogginess of our future (releasing control is a major weakness), but then my ever-present sign of goodness shares his cookie with me and I see clearly, again.
I know that we're not "in the clear" for hardships. I know that heart bleeders will hit again, but right now, in these days of peace, I'm soaking in all that God has done for us. I'm filling up. We won't always be a family of three; Ty won't always have our undivided attention and I'm very conscious of the fact. If I knew 5 years ago what I know, today, I wouldn't have spent a minute more crying over emptiness. I would have squeezed fullness from life and hung my hat on a solid peg of hope. That's the attitude I'm trying to live out, today.
Not only does God have my heart and plans in control, he gives me clearance to enjoy and live the right-now moments. We may have two or six or ten children. It might take us a month or eight or a hundred 'n five to get there. But, tonight, I was reassured with little back pats and bubble-gum brushed, sloppy kisses that God holds our days in his hands.
I needed to remember this for my life today. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI really do love how our children are living proof of goodness...Jackson is my strength, his existence in my life PROVES that all has been, and will always be, good. I agree if I could talk to myself a few years ago and tell me the great miracles that are to come, I would be able to spend that time living life to the fullest, living on hope and love. But, life is not always like that. And we just keep on keepin' on.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I just got an e-mail from a friend on this very topic! It's very fitting. This is my favorite part: "God often births a vision in our lives only to allow it to die first before the purest version of the vision is manifested."
ReplyDeleteHis Vision, His Way, In His Timing
By Os Hillman
October 27
"Then God said, 'Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about'" (Gen 22:2).
Have you ever wanted something so bad that you would do almost anything to get it? Have you ever gotten so close to fulfilling a dream only to have it disappear right before your eyes? Such was the case for Abraham.
God promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations. He would have a son. However, Abraham panicked when Sarah aged beyond child bearing years and tried to help God by birthing Ishmael through Sarah's servant, who was not the promised son. Eventually, Isaac was born, who was the promised son.
However, God tells Abraham to sacrifice his only son on an altar to demonstrate his obedience to God. Truly, this is one of the hardest instructions given to one of God's people in all of scripture. It compares only to the Heavenly Father sacrificing His own Son. God intervenes and allows a ram to get caught in the bushes nearby, symbolizing the Lamb of God as a prophetic sign of what is to take place in the future.
God often births a vision in our lives only to allow it to die first before the purest version of the vision is manifested. This has happened several times in my own journey. Oswald Chambers observes, "God's method always seems to be vision first, and then reality, but in between the vision and the reality there is often a deep valley of humiliation. How often has a faithful soul been plunged into a like darkness when after the vision comes the test. When God gives a vision and darkness follows, waiting on God will bring you into accordance with the vision He has given if you await His timing. Otherwise, you try to do away with the supernatural in God's undertakings. Never try to help God fulfill His word."*
When God's vision is finally birthed, nothing will stop it. Our job is to allow God to birth His vision through us His way and in His timing.
Stunning ... and, yes, He is SOOOO faithful.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, thank you! Your blog has really opened my heart up to open adoption. We just submitted our first application for infant adoption today, so we're excited to see where God leads us!
ReplyDeleteReally beautiful. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written, as always. Thank you for sharing these thoughts.
ReplyDeleteStumbled upon your blog. We are in the waiting process, and this particular post today was extremely encouraging. The waiting is most definitely the hardest. SOOO sweet to be reminded that there will be an end to this season:) Thank You!
ReplyDeleteTruly beautiful and I love your "pictures of three." I know you are enjoying every precious moment.
ReplyDeleteHi Rebekah! A true pleasure to read your blog today. Continue to enjoy His goodness.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful reflection.
ReplyDeleteHey, just wanted to let you know I gave you and your blog an award over on my blog :)
ReplyDeletebeautifully written and obviously from the heart. you have such a gift with words. love the picture of you all! We have trust in God's plan as we wait now for our little boy who is due December third. After 2 1/2 years of waiting,we thought we'd never be matched. God IS good! All the time....
ReplyDeleteHi Rebekah, I'm sure you have your favorite blogs that you read but I wanted to let you know that I started a new blog solely focused on encouragement in our Christian walk. I hope you will check it out sometime :) it's http://acozyplace.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteOne happy family
ReplyDeleteI was going through "heart cries" withdraw so I went back and read from "the call" day through your first couple days home :D I could read it every day. I hope you come back soon and post, I miss hearing your story!
ReplyDelete