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Dear Sweet Mama,I addressed my first letter to the women's prison that houses the mama to three of my babies.
I know it’s been a long time since we’ve talked, but I hope it’s okay to write to you. I was in the courtroom, last week, even though we couldn't see each other, and will be there, again, in a couple of weeks. Even though I probably won’t be able to squeeze your hand or give you an update on your kids, I want you to know that I am there. I have so much love in my heart for you and never stop praying that you will feel God’s presence in your time of darkness and that you would know your worth...
Over the last 18 months, Sweet Mama has been in and out of jail more times than I can count. Several months ago I called the county jail to see what I needed to do to see/write to her. Unfortunately, the restrictions were such that we couldn't communicate without me revealing a lot of personal information that I just wasn't comfortable giving. The permanency of prison, makes letter writing much easier and gives me the freedom to just sign my first name to my letters.
We've been singing a (new to us) song at church, called When You Walk into the Room. The writer is (clearly) speaking of Jesus, but last week, Ben said to me, "That song is so powerful. I feel like we're singing about us and the light our lives are supposed to shine."
All week his thoughts and these lyrics have been the background to the turbulent terms of my heart. Birth mom. Foster mom. Baby Brother.
When You walk into the room
Everything changes
Darkness starts to tremble
At the light that you bring
When you walk into the room
Sickness starts to vanish
Every hopeless situation ceases to exist
And when you walk into the room
The dead begin to rise
'Cause there is resurrection life
In all you do
Two nights after the postponed trial, I laid in bed humming, When you walk into the room...every hopeless situation ceases to exist... The Holy Spirit prompted my heart, "You care for my daughter, when no one else does. Walk into her room."
I sat up and started writing. I opened and closed my letter with personal encouragement, but mostly shared every detail that a mama's heart hangs on...I told her all about her kids. Because the darkness is not dark to Him, I typed out Psalm 139 and sandwiched it between my words and pictures.
For now, I am using the agency as a protective layer. I included a self addressed and stamped envelope with paper in hopes that she'll write back, but my letters won't be contingent on hers.
This isn't just an adoption story because God's care doesn't stop at Baby Brother or our family.
He redeems ALL things and whispers good to the most gruesome detail.
Live open. Heart and hands. Say, yes, every time he calls.
You might find yourself in a garden once hidden.
That is so good and that is exactly how it is! God is amazing isn't He! Praying for Sweet Mama!
ReplyDeleteI love that your heart is so big and full of love. I hope mama writes to you...to the kids and keeps the communication open, so that she can get to know about her kids via you and know they're doing well and loved. Peace & strength!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. You are amazing how you shine His light!
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you how you touch me with how evident the love you have for others is. When You Walk Into a Room is one of my current favourites and I love how it speaks to the redeeming grace of our God. Bless you, bless you, bless you.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy you see the entirety of the situation, speaks volumes about your faith and your heart.
ReplyDeleteYou write so beautifully and from the heart. Such a good momma, not only do you love Cisco, Little Miss, and Baby Brother, but their birth mom too. Maybe you taking the time to write her may make her step back and help herself or get the help she needs. Hopefully it will ease her mind and heart to know that her babies are in good and loving hands. That they are loved and are welcome blessings to your family.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. Love is a commitment, and it's obvious that you have not only committed to loving children, but also loving the people who gave birth to them--no matter what path they are currently walking.
ReplyDeleteI wrote to my children's birth mother yesterday for the very first time. I used a very generic Facebook account I created to communicate with only her. She is so very young and is herself a product of the cycle of addiction. Like you, my love for her is overwhelming! She had heard nothing about her children for nearly four years. (They were each in the system from birth, no contact with birth family, but did not come home until February of this year at age 3 & 2) We finalized our adoption in August and like you God has spoken so clearly that I am to shower her with His love. I too am keeping and maintaining privacy but my mother's heart aches for her. After receiving my message via FB she posted on her wall within minutes. Her post: "God is good!" I broke down sobbing. Yes, sweet girl! He is so very very good!
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for your birth Mom. God's love for his children is so great. I am honored to get to be a vessel of that love as I know you are too!