Friday cannot come sooner for me.
Friday is LJ's adoption court hearing.
It is an exciting day for our family, but for me it's only affirming what I already know to be true. For LJ, however, it's a re-write for his future. A formalized decree that will hopefully soothe his insecure heart. We have been talking about his "adoption day" for a couple of weeks, now. We wanted to prepare him for what could seem scary, but also help him understand what this day will mean for his place in our family. It helps give teeth to forever.
He is not an introvert by any means, but when it comes to emotional expression, he is stunted. Even at three, it's clear that he has mastered the ability to gloss over heartache and ignore challenging conversation....but, we are working on that!
Up until the last couple of days, he hadn't said anything about his court date and wouldn't participate in our conversation about it at the dinner table. On Sunday, we put him to bed a few minutes early for an act of disobedience. After a couple of minutes, I could still hear his quiet sobs. I went in and sat on his bed and put my hand on his chest. The conversation went something like, "Honey...I know today was a tough day for you. But you know what? You are a GOOD boy. And tomorrow is a new day. Mommy and Daddy love you very much and we are so glad that you are in our family." We sat for a few minutes in silence, while I rubbed his head and patted his belly. He then looked right at me and said, "Mom. I want to go to court tomorrow."
His words grip my heart. I knew it was his way of saying, "I'm insecure" or even worse, "I'm still afraid you might give me back."
I hugged him tight, whispered more lovelies, and told him we only had a few more days to wait.
The injustice of what has been done to this precious boy's heart makes me angrier than I've ever been. This is my son. And he's three. He is battling insecurities that his brother will never experience in his lifetime. It's just not right.
This little boy deserves more. And we are going to give it to him!
Only a few more days...
...and LJ will have his forever family.