When I heard it this morning, it brought tears to my eyes. Ben and I have been living this wave for the several months, now. The amount of love and patience required to parent LJ is well past our natural ability.
There are so many moments that I have to walk away and take a deep breath.
Unless we're on a family run (mama does more of a walk-jog) or expelling energy in some other way - park, pool, bikes, etc - LJ struggles. He has endless energy and minimal ability to focus or regulate his emotions. It's exhausting.
Tonight, after dinner, LJ said, "Mom, I want to go home."
My reply was, "Honey, we are home."
I want to go to another home.
I sighed and bit my comeback, then exchanged eyes with Ben before saying, "That isn't very nice LJ. This is your home and we love you very much."
Ben has the amazing ability to punch restart and move on. He is calm and patient and, continually, redirects the boys' attention. I am in awe of it.
I thought about LJ's comment all night.
It's not that I took his words, personally...I fully recognize that he is three and discriminating in his opinions.
It bugged me that he understood what he said.
As a mom, I want to protect my kids from the world, so that God's truth and goodness can shape their view before they have to face it head on. With Ty, that's easy. All of his experiences have been controlled and protected.
LJ's have not.
He has seen glimpses of the world that will be hidden from Ty for years to come.
I hate the injustice.
In LJ's life, I know the wrongs will be righted and I recognize the significant progress that he's made...it is just, so, extremely, slow going.
The good news is that, tonight, I get to sleep beside my helpmate and tomorrow will be a NEW DAY.