We heard from our case worker yesterday that little boy's case worker has three families to choose from. Emotionally, we have removed ourselves from the running. The other families both have connection to him, one family fostered him earlier this year and the other adopted two of his siblings.
I was not able to talk/write about it, yesterday, because I wasn't quite done holding him in my heart. I'm not devastated or emotional, but I am sad. From little boy's view, he's a big winner and I'm thankful that his transition will be smoother given the history with both families.
Last night I was folding laundry, while Ben and I sat on our bed and talked. I said, "You know I'm going to do this every time, right?"
Ben answered with, "What? Tell everyone we know and reorganize our lives as if that child is coming home tomorrow? Yes, honey, I know. It's what I love most about you. You only know how to be extraordinary."
I love my husband.
I love that the two of can be so vastly different, yet so appreciative of the other.
I admit. In my head I had started raising twins. I was dressing them alike, while searching for coordinating quilt patterns for their bunk beds and planning a welcome home party. I took little boy into my heart the moment I heard his name...and I don't regret doing it.
I had a massive number of people in my sphere of influence praying for little boy and the right family for him. I believe that those prayers are and will be answered. Sure, I have to go back and tell everyone that we are still a family of three...but, I'm an all-out-there, heart wide-open kind of girl. I want people beside me, especially in these moments.
I told my co-workers, today, that my heart remains hopeful and true to my present family. I will continue to dream and pray, of course, but I am compelled to soak in every second of being mommy to one.
When I told Ty last night that little boy was probably going to live with another family, his response was, "I want a baby sister!"
I had to laugh. Ty is certain that God will bring him a baby sister. Maybe he will...