Where do we go from here?

I am so thankful for the flood of response I've received from comments and emails. I had no idea I had so many readers with such a wealth of foster adoption information! Admittedly, I'm feeling pretty discouraged.

Going in, I knew our 0-3 age specifications were going to be limiting, but I guess I figured the openness to ethnicity and siblings would help our odds. After reading more about the legal process, I understand why our chances of adopting, apart from fostering, are so slim.

Keeping birth order really isn't something we've cemented, but adopting children under the age of four is important to us, right now. It really has nothing to do with the amount of life the kids have seen or lived, but everything to do with our readiness as parents. We have grown-up alongside Tyrus and each transitioning stage requires conversations, prayer, and preparation. I'm really not ready (and maybe willing is a better word here, although it sound terrible) to skip years worth of stages.

As parents, Ben and I are just coming into hard-core discipline and have many discussions on what we should do, how we should do it, and what makes the most sense for a two year old. Adopting a 7 or 8 year old, right now, would throw such a curve ball. I would much rather adopt a 7 or 8 year old in 5 years, when we have more experience under our belts. I know critics would say our lack of experience is inconsequential compared to the love so many of these children need, but my feet are firm on the matter.

I want, more than anything, to adopt teenagers someday, but, right now, we (along with all of our friends) are  in parenting-little-kid mode and we want to learn to do that well before moving on.

So that leaves me with the stomach pitting question of What do we do?

This morning, I cried out to God and said something along the lines of "Why can't my body just work?"

I didn't bother to let the Holy Spirit respond. I know the answer and repeated it on cue.

The way I see it, we have a handful of options:

1. Throw our adoption tax credit into the domestic adoption system instead of paying off student loans.
2. Try to find an expectant mother ourselves and start a self-promotion campaign, even to the point of newspaper adds and community bulletins (gag me).
3. Jump through the hoops of being foster adoption "ready" only to wait years on end, barring a miracle of God.
4. Decide to foster 0-3 kids and pray for adoption blinders, so that I can fully commit to supporting the reunification process and intent.
5. Wait five years and go into foster adoption with a 0-8 age range.

I don't like any of them. Reading through such a list is a sure crying trigger and has the ability to take me right to the why-me gutter.

Thankfully, Ty's adoption required a heart revolution and I can usually, confidently, dismiss anti-Christ seeds from taking root.

Part of the curse of infertility (at least for me) is that it never fully goes away. I hate that my motherhood is completely dependent on the heartbreaking sacrifice (domestic adoption) or delinquency (foster adoption) of other mothers.