Q & A

Let's talk MTV's Teen Mom...
Q: I was watching MTV's Teen Mom show the other day. There is a young couple that chose an open adoption. They are having a hard time at how "open" their adoption is. Such as they do not know the last name of the couple and so on. Have you seen it and do you have any feelings on their situation.

A: I have heard a lot about this show and just recently watched my first episode after my sister described it as MTV's "most quality television." Meaning, their portrayal of kids raising kids is realistic and hopefully transforming the fantasies of teen pregnancy. The episode I watched was a one year update on each couple or ex-couple as it was. I agree with my sister. It is great television. It's real. It's raw. It's challenging.

Back to your question on openness. I was just reading an Adoptive Families article on open adoption and how many different facets exist. Every situation truly is unique...because we're unique. Every expectant mother and every adopting family feel and look different. What's important is that [ideally] everyone is coming together and putting the child's needs first. If an expectant mother just can't bear the pain of seeing her child in the arms of another family over and over again, I would respect that. It's a little harder for me to make statements on the adoptive family side because...well...there are some couples that base their decisions on openness out of fear. Not all. But some. For me, it would be very difficult to have a closed adoption. I'm not saying I wouldn't do it, because obviously there are situations like Safe Haven, where information is simply not available. A closed adoption would be hard for me, however, because I know how challenging it would be for our child. Especially given the openness that exists between Rebekah and Ty. I feel like I'm writing and re-writing here because I want to be careful in what I say. Every situation really is different and can't be judged.

It was hard for me to watch the MTV couple mentioned because it seemed like they wanted more. More pictures. More contact. More openness. I am thankful that Rebekah and I are great communicators. That we're not afraid to talk stuff through. We both want what's best for little Tyrus and having Rebekah in his life is best.

Let's talk Ty...
Q: On another blog I noticed you wrote that Ty was a mixed race. I thought he was just "white" what is the other race?

A: Ty is actually half Hispanic/half Caucasian. Ben and I were just reliving a sweet conversation that took place in the mountains, while visiting Rebekah and her family. The kids all wanted to pile in our car on the way to dinner and an explosion of questions erupted. Some made us laugh; others made us cry. One that got us all smiling was, "Do you know that your baby will be brown?" We were all surprised when Ty came out white as can be! Some of my favorite words by Rebekah were:

"He was nothing like I imagined. He didn't look like [birth father], he didn't look like me....he looked like Tyrus. He was so beautiful, and tiny and I fell instantly in love. Ben cut the cord, and we all just stared at him and listened to him cry. I had tears running down my face...he is amazing."

Let's talk hair...
Q: What kind of product do you use on your hair? I have curly hair as well, but they have discontinued the product that I loved and am now on the search for the next best thing!

A: I have spent years trying to accept and make my curls look good! For a long time I used salon products only, but in the last few years I've been digg'n store brands. Here's my perfectly engineered concoction:

Fruictis Hair Gel - Super Hold
(I scrunch a healthy dose of it through my hair, avoiding roots)

Fruictis Mousse - Curly Hair
(A small amount at my roots only)

got2Be - "Glued"
(Use a teeny tiny bit or you'll look like you fell in the greaser)

This is an exact science...I do not pat my hair dry when I get out of the shower. Yes this means it's dripping all over - dress fast! I quickly get dressed and start diffusing right away (not longer than 5 minutes out of the shower) and I only spend 15 minutes drying it. It's never fully dry when I'm done. I spend most of my time on the roots and let the ends dry so that they curl nice. That is probably more than you ever wanted to know about my hair.

Let's talk controversy...
The following questions are mean-spirited, but worth answering. I'm not going to get into who or where they came from, but I would like to say this. If you read this blog and take issue with something I say, please email me. Ask me about it. If something I write causes a check in your spirit, challenge me. I welcome that! I'm certainly not perfect and often write from a place of passion...not necessarily the throne room. God's still working on my heart. Please extend the same grace to me that he's given you.

Q: Ty's 14 year old sister really misses him, but you won't let her meet him? How is that bonding?

A: Ty's 14 year old sister does miss him and has probably taken the adoption the hardest. Three of the four kids were out of state for the birth so most of them didn't have the chance to meet sweet Ty. We are all very excited, however, about our reunion next month! The three of us will be flying to Colorado for some long overdue hugs!

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Q: How can it be HEALING to hear a person say that it is as if your adopted child came from your own womb? [In reference to this post]

A: When I talked about the Judge's words being "healing," what I meant was that it closed the chapter on infertility for me. The enemy lied to me for years that I would never be a mother. I heard words like - you are not woman....you are not mother...you are not deserving.

I had to hang on to small promises that God had written on my heart and trust that the desire to be a mom was HIS desire in me....not just something I wanted. When I heard the judge say it would be as if we had this child in our marriage, it was emotional because I never thought I would have a child (in or outside my marriage). It took us 6 years. When I heard the judge speak those words, I heard a recurring love song from my heavenly Father. He was singing, "I am faithful to do all that I've set out to do."

I am a mother because HE called it into being.

My feeling of healing had nothing to do with Tyrus or the legalities or the process. I wasn't waiting to hear it or even needing to hear it. And to be honest I haven't thought about it since. The healing I found was strictly between me and my Savior.
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Q: What is the real motivation behind your blog?

A: I've hear all kinds of things. You're doing this for money...You're doing this to get another baby...You're doing this so you can publish a book....You're doing this to fill some canyon like hole in your heart...blah, blah, blah.

None of the above mentioned reasons are true. And I think you've all stuck around because you know that, too. I started this blog for one reason. To document our journey. I wanted our son or daughter to experience the ache and love in our heart. My early posts were not read by many, but I never cared. I blog because I enjoy it. I love to write and this has been a constructive outlet. I would love to be a published author some day, but that really has nothing to do with this blog and I certainly don't make any money, here. That doesn't mean I wouldn't like to make money. Who wouldn't want to quit their job, stay home with their beautiful boy, and do something they love? Money is not my motivator. God is. And right now, I'm content on the path he is leading me down.