A Chapter Closed

I started this process broken; defeated. My hope was but slivers of a single strand. I was ready to give up. I was ready to walk away. I would have never accepted a motherless life, but I thought I was made to try.

Yesterday, I sat back and watched a play-by-play of my own life-reel, in my head. Yesterday, Tyrus, legally, became a member of our family. Although the day, itself, changed nothing in my heart, it was an important conclusion to a very rocky, emotional, joyous love story. It was an ending that I needed to read.



I wish we could have been at court, in person, but the decision to handle our hearing via phone was made months ago in a small Colorado cabin with a newborn baby in arms. We were only thinking of going home, not when and if we'd return for the hearing, months later. Now, knowing that we are flying back to reunite with Rebekah in a few weeks, we'd have chosen differently. But it is what it is.

The director of our Colorado agency and our attorney were present, while we communicated over Ben's speaker phone. After receiveing a phone call last week about our "expired" home study (Michigan and Colorado adoption laws are very different) we freaked out that something might change - more work and money needed. We were holding our breath as Ben dialed.




As we waited on hold for several minutes, these were some of the images that passed through my mind...


When I think about how we started and where we've come it moves me tears. Every time.


That lifeless girl with hallow emotions is gone. I feel whole. We feel whole. This is our family.

The hearing itself was pretty no-nonsense, right-to-the-point. There were a couple surprises along the way, one being that Colorado does not recognize open adoption and our relationship with Rebekah is between us and left outside of the courthouse. I understand the state's reasons, it probably makes for a cleaner adoption, but it did make me feel sad for birth mothers who choose adoptive parents that don't hold to their word when it comes to openness. I'm curious to know if all states hold to the same law.

Second, the attorney motioned to change "Baby ______'s" name to Titus. We quickly stepped in with that correction. I found it comical because I happen to love the name Titus and had it on my list of baby names, but Ben wasn't a fan.

It was bizarre to hear Tyrus referred to as a baby available for adoption. In our minds he was adopted the day we left the hospital. It made us realize that our finalization was really us petitioning the court to let us keep calling him "son." When the judge declared it in Tyrus' best interest to be with us, a victory errupted in our hearts.

I replayed our attorney's decree of adoption, "...it will be as if you had this child in your marriage...", over and over again in my heart. I will never take away Rebekah's part of this story. Ever. But there is something healing in those words. Ben and I couldn't have our own child, but now, it's as if we did. God certainly makes all things new. [Romans 4:17] He gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were.

My womb may be empty, but the word mother was alive in my heart and God called it into existence.

I'm not sure I've ever felt so whole.

My heart has many cries and our heavenly Father hears them all. Yesterday, he signed his name to my greatest cry and we know our life has only just begun.

God is still moving.