Saturday, October 24, 2009

The Awe Never Fades

I totally get the mother's love thing. How there's no cuter baby than your own, everything baby does is adorable, you can never get enough, etc, etc.

But the awe of looking at a son you did not birth, knowing the great sacrifice paid by his first mom, and the tremendous thanksgiving in your heart for him, is love at its greatest height.

Ty finished up his cereal, this morning [Can you believe he's eating cereal already?], as Ben sat down on the couch to watch. Very reflectively, he said, "I can see why people look at their adopted babies and think they were created just for them. I don't believe that...but when I look at Ty I see such a gift."

(You can read this post to understand why we don't feel Ty was "meant" for us.)

The thanksgiving in our hearts for this joy-giving boy has never dimmed. He has given so much fullness to our life; a week doesn't go by that we don't remember how he came to be.

Last night, I had a dream that we adopted one year old twins and renamed them Molly and Max (both names were on our names list). The girls name was Dahly (pronounced "dolly") and it seemed they just needed new names for a new start, in our family. The dream was so real, I woke up this morning questioning its truth and experienced a wave of emotion from disappointment to how-in-the-world-would-I-handle-three-babies-under-the-age-of-one.

It almost seems selfish to think about/desire siblings for Ty. Could we really ask someone to gift us such an incredible blessing, again? I understand that Rebekah needed us as much as we needed her...but it's hard to see that when all I can see is a bubbly, coo-filled little boy that represents all of God's best.
I feel so undeserving of such miracles, but am thankful God saw otherwise!

18 comments:

  1. I'm right there with you! I'm torn because our family has been created out of another being torn apart, but at the same time I am so thankful God has given us so much!

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  2. Our son is 1 year old now and the awe still hasn't faded. We are absolutely amazed at how our lives crossed paths and he became our son.

    We are convinced that God will do the same for our next child (whenever that might happen) and we are so much more relaxed about any future adoptions. Just knowing that God worked in our lives is comfort enough to know that He can do it again...and again...and again...and again!

    I love reading your story. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. I liked hearing about all of Ty's firsts for this month! So cute.

    I completely understand what Ben meant when he said he sees such a gift when he looks at Ty. We feel the same about Zoe. She's this amazing gift and her birthmom is such an amazing person, just like Rebekah is to you and your family.

    I just read your last post and loved all of the pictures. What a beautiful family.

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  4. It is so wonderful to see Ty grow and develop. He is bringing so much into your life, an I can tell you are bringing so much into his. This was meant to be.

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  5. But the awe of looking at a son you did not birth, knowing the great sacrifice paid by his first mom, and the tremendous thanksgiving in your heart for him, is love at its greatest height.

    Perfectly said...PERFECTLY thank you

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  6. Rebekah,
    My name is Jennifer and I have been reading your blog for quite a while now. I check it daily! I was wondering (and I feel sure you probably have) if you had heard the song called "From God's Arms, To My Arms, To Yours." It was originally written by Michael Mclean, but has been rerecorded by other artists, including Marie Osmond. If you go to youtube and search the song, you can watch Marie sing in amazingly. I am an adoptee myself (who is 3 years into a successful reunion from a private adoption) and the song is just amazing in expressing the sentiments of the birthmother, intentions of the adoptive mother, and the importance of both in the adoptee's life. Would love to hear your input (or anyone else who happens by this comment) if you have time. My email is jenniferedrew@yahoo.com

    So happy for you and your family!

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  7. I don't think the awe will ever fade - I know I sure hope it won't!

    And I really hope you do pursue writing - you have such an amazing way of putting your thoughts and feelings into words.

    So many of us Mamas feel similarly, but just can't quite convey it the way you do.

    Thanks for sharing your gift!
    -r

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  8. Just found your blog and wanted to say it's very inspiring. Also, the pictures of your family are precious!

    Lauren

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  9. hey Rebekah misty here... have you ever thought of having a surogate. I was to be one for a couple here where i live. after our 1st transfer that didnt take i realized the mother was addicted to drugs so i canceled the contract.

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  10. Tyrus is a treasure, every day.

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  11. Another beautiful post! I love reading your blog. It's so heartfelt and will be a great treat for Ty as he grows up.

    I have a random question for you: how did you and Ben chose your agency? My husband and I are preparing ourselves to start the adoption journey, and I want to know how people chose their agancies.

    Thanks for everything! An avid reader becoming a better commentor.

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  12. I know what you mean about daring to dream of siblings. It does seem impossible some days when I look at Charlie to think that I am deserving of the blessing his life is. We get comments ALL the time about what an amazing baby he is, and then I realize he's OUR baby and my heart swells with awe and pride.

    And then to think of asking for anything even remotely close to this blessing a second time around, well it just seems overwhelming. But...I do want that, and I want Charlie to have siblings...

    Lovely post!

    Melba

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  13. I think I might know what you mean. We want to adopt again, too, but it's like a lottery winner playing again. I'm actually praying about going the foster-to-adopt route, but we'll probably stay with the newborn plan since it went so well for us.

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  14. You have such a way with words- its amazing.
    He gets cuter and cuter by the post, if thats at all possible.
    Just wanted to let you know we moved our blog (see profile).
    We have homestudy meeting 2 of 4 tomorrow, prayers if you can spare them ;)
    God bless you and your family. Ty is such a blessing.

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  15. love being a mom with you...love having Ty on Tuesdays...will miss having him...adorable picture

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