Monday, August 11, 2008

Day 107

Do you ever look up the definition to words you frequently use? Probably not, but I happen to be super-geeky that way. I love to! Humor me. Let me present you with the very colorful, and somewhat contradictory, definition of wait:

1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose
2. to be available or in readiness
3. to remain neglected for a time
4. to eagerly await

Currently, we are in a state of waiting. Truth be told, we our waiting to wait. We are waiting to hear that we have been put on the waiting list, where we all can do is sit and wait. It's a whole lot of waiting if you ask me! Surprisingly enough, I've enjoyed the wait so far. I'm at complete peace, void of all anxiousness, and enjoying time with my Ben.

We're back to training on the bikes and boy, does it feel great! I'm down 2 pounds this week and realize my 5 pound goal should come easy. I'm committing to continue the regimen even after I achieve my goal because I love the increased energy and the toning that's taking place! My favorite part of riding is sharing in something that Ben loves so much. I can tell he enjoys teaching me "the ropes."

He's pretty much the best. While I hand signed all 50 of our profiles, this weekend, Ben was a gourmet chef in the kitchen.

Me signing.

Ben cooking.

I feel so lucky to have a hubby that not only knows how to cook, but enjoys it! On Saturday, he comes upstairs and says, "I've been watching the food network all morning and am in the mood to create. What do you want? You name it, I'll go to the store for ingredients, and serve it up." We ended the night with very yummy king-sized, apple-raisin and brown sugar, stuffed pork chops...they were phenomenal!

I spent the rest of the weekend finishing up the profiles. That simple sentence doesn't quite portray an accurate picture on just how much work that was! I owe much of the credit to the greatest friend a girl could have...Meeghan!

Rubber cementing 300 pictures onto paper and then 50 profiles gets real old, real fast...and nauseating (who knew the stuff was so potent?!)! We might have lost a few brain cells along the way, but we finished! I closed the box with excitement and relief, as it marked the very last leg of our journey.

I did my usual prance the the post office, this afternoon, but was blind-sighted by emotions at my arrival. It played out something like this:


Gosh. You'd think this woman was slapped with an ornery stick and then told to serve customers. Could I feel more like cattle right now?

"Anything fragile, liquid, or potentially hazardous?"

"No." Just the last thing that separates me from our baby.

Priority for $7.80, delivered in 2-3 days or Parcel Post for $7.20, delivered in 4-7 days?

Then I felt it. An ocean of tears, a lifetime of heartache and wanting...the anticipation of having a child, the loss of not producing my own...the amazement of the plan, the difficulty wrapped inside and the uncertainty of the future. It flooded over me in an instant and I couldn't speak past the watermelon in my throat...right there in the middle of the post office in front of Scrooge McGrouch-a-lot.

I heard, "Ma'am?!?" bark through the stillness, but knew if I answered I would make a spectacle of myself in a crowd full of corporate jet-setters, tapping their watches, waiting to make their next meeting. Oblivious to the real life wait I was about to begin. All I could do was nod.

"Ma'am, is something wrong," Scrooge huffed. "I'm not sure what you want. Priority or Parcel Post?"

I managed to squeeze out, "Priority," paid her the money, and scooted out as quickly as I could. Who knew one package, one trip to the post office, could bring such a variety of emotions?

I made it out of the post office with some dignity, but welcomed the safety of my Jeep. It only took a moment to fall back in line with the peace and confidence I knew before. I returned to the office empty-handed, breathed a sigh of relief, and reminded myself there is nothing left to do, but wait...



  2. Super exciting...only days away from being ON the list. So glad I can be a part of the process with you. Speaking of that, we could use an updated picture of us. Love you friend.

  3. I pray that your wait is not a long wait!!! Jason and I are praying for you and Ben!!! Congratulations on finishing your profiles. =)

  4. Waiting is the hardest part...but we all know it will be well worth it!

    Know you're not the only one. There are others who know EXACTLY how you're feeling.

    It won't be long!

  5. Congrats on finishing your profiles! May your wait be short and sweet :)

  6. Wow. Big step!! I can't believe you had to make all those profiles! I'm sure the rubber cement created some periods of laughter. ;) Congrats girlie. :)

  7. that for the comment on my page...that is so exciting...i choke up at the worst times too so I know how you feel :)

  8. I am so excited for you! Can't wait to see your beautiful face on the web site. I visit there often to pray over Brian & Jane. Let us know when I get to go pray over you and your amazing Ben!!! Gotta love them cooking men! I got me one too:)

  9. What a beautiful post!! Congratulations on getting all the profiles complete and sending them off!! That's fabulous.

    Hubby and I went mountain biking in the rain on Sunday. It's his favorite thing to do. I'm still rather nervous on a bike, but started feeling a LOT more comfortable. I do like doing it with hubby because he gets so excited about it and is being super patient and teaching tricks to me. I like the whole making our husbands happy.

    I pray that your wait is not long. I don't think I can even begin to imagine the emotions you were facing at the post office. God is faithful and you will be a fantastic mom.

    **BIG HUGS**

  10. Congrats on getting your profiles done and in the mail. Waiting is the hardest and I totally understand that sudden shift in emotions. I remember not ever knowing when or where I was going to suddenly lose it. Usually it was a small thing and it was over as soon as it began. Just wait till you are a mom - you'll have a whole new set of reasons to cry! :)

  11. Congrats on getting the profiles finished and shipped off. I can remember the weight of our package in my hands as I handed them over to our postal clerk, the significance of what was in the box. Praying that you have a short and peaceful WAIT.

    By the way, I sent you an email, just making sure that you got it and it didn't end up in your spam folder.

  12. Patience. You're almost there. I can understand the swell of emotion. It's because you're so close!

  13. I was like that too. Our social worker called me "emotionally pregnant." Congrats on getting the profiles done. I can't wait to hear updates on the wait!

  14. Actually we're using gdiapers! :) Flushable inserts with cloth covers!
    I love them!

    I can TOTALLY understand you crying while mailing your profile books. I SO get that. ((hugs))

  15. I lost it today too, after the tenth "not my department" of the day it became the 11th persons department whether she liked it or not. Who's going to transfer a crying hysterical woman.

    God speed.

  16. This is super exciting!! I know the wait is hard but once your holding your sweet baby, time won't slow down!! While your waiting use as much time as you can spending it with your hubby! Riley and I had seven years before the first two came. At the end of a hard day I wish I had "more" alone time with him. Life is so beautiful with children but the reality is it's hectic (I wonderful, excitement filled hectic). It's harder esp. with more than one child to get that much needed alone time to reconnect and regroup. As a seasoned mom I feel comfortable giving you that advice. I am praying for the perfect birthmom to see your profile and KNOW without a shadow of a doubt...this is my baby's mommy. -kriss

  17. I can truly relate to how you felt in the post office, I have had moments like that myself. Those experiences are embarrassing, but when you actually think of how magnanimous the process (and ultimately the end result) of adoption is, it's no wonder we would feel this way.

    I also love the definitions of "wait." Those are pretty spot on I would say! Wait to wait and then wait some more. It's tough, but I know someday all of the anticipation and work leading up to our children will be 100% worth the wait!

  18. It won't be long any more. You guys are an awesome couple and I am sure your baby is coming soon...

  19. Awwwww! Rebekah! I teared up a little bit as I read this thinking of you crying in the post office!! But, that just means you are just one step closer! God will surely bless you for being such a strong woman!

  20. Oh, I am so sorry about your postal experience. I went through something kind of similar when I mailed our first letter and packet of pictures to Lily's birthmom. Those grouches need to knock it off:)
    On a happier note, a huge congrats on your profiles; it sounds like they're great! I am praying that you guys don't wait long; I can't wait for the day I check your blog and there's news of your baby! :)

  21. Alright, I know this may be a silly response to this posting, but the fact that you have the postal workers lines down to a science literally had me laughing out loud! "Anything liquid, fragile, or potentially hazardous" made me split a gut :) Love you so!