Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Day 1

“And she made a vow, saying, “O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life. " ~ I Samuel 1:11

Today, my heart sings. For most this would seem an ordinary occurrence; for me, progress.

My heart has seen very dark places over the past several months. So dark, my prior self would not imagine them capable. There is something about not being able to produce life
that wears down the very threads of who you are. I could spend hours focused on the ugly, but I’ll spare the detail and save it for my book.

Today, I sing because the melodies of hope rise once again. Today, I felt pure joy as I wrote the first check and signed my name. Today, I sent in our adoption application.


I did not realize I was void of hope until it filled my heart, today.
I know, I know, the process is complicated—the paperwork abundant—the wait long, but hope will carry me through.

I can hard
ly rest while I imagine this and dream of that . I write today, to help document the process.

A few years ago I sat in a dirty, crowded hospital holding a baby that was not my own. She belo
nged to a young girl that was no where near ready to mother her third baby at age 21. I remember swaddling her close and through misted eyes imparting as much love as I possibly could muster. I knew that day; this newborn life had come to a junction. She had two paths. If I carried her home her life would be marked with love poured out and every good gift imaginable…Instead her path was chosen for her. She would be taken home to a broken family…to a life far from ideal. Her life would be marked with hardship and generational turmoil. Apart from arrest and imprisonment, I had no choice but to walk away. I have never forgotten that day.

Today, I think about a different newborn…same scenario…but this time a different path. This time I get to take the newborn home. What a gift! What my newborn fails to realize is that their wee life will give to me more than I could ever give to them.

4 comments:

  1. My friend. Thank you for entrusting me with this precious journey of yours. I appreciate your willingness to let me into this vulnerable place.
    Of course, your writing is wonderful, but even more so, your heart. Please know that I am still praying for you!
    This news makes me smile.

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  2. I am writing this comment almost 10 months after you wrote it. this has been an increadible journey for you and Ben and it's not over yet. I am amazed how God has been working and how he's resopnded to your prayers, which I'm sure echo Hannah's prayer in I Sam. 1:11.
    I do hope that you write a book about this incredible story some day. I would be first in line to buy it!!

    As I reread this post today, my own eyes got misty- imagine that now that I've shared so much with you about how similar our individual emotional make ups seem to be!! Anyway, I said a prayer for that little girl you held as a baby and for her siblings that God would protect them and bless them.

    I'm so glad that you decided to share this journey with us in your blog. I love being able to share it with you and Ben.

    HUGS for you, sweetie!

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  3. Rebekah,

    Josh and I are praying for you both...knowing the Lord is with you all and His grace will be your strength in the days to come. I'm so excited for you both and in awe of what the Lord has done...he makes all things beautiful in His time. Love & Hugs...Sarah DeBroux

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  4. Rebekah ~
    Today, I begin my journey through your blog after discovering you on Pinterest. My husband and I have had a similar journey and have been praying/thinking/planning on adoption for some time and just have yet to make the move. I hope to find more encouraging words through your blog and hope to be able to share our future family with you someday soon

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