Tuesday, July 1, 2014

On Hold

Our trial was adjourned due to an outstanding (and complicated) child support lawsuit against Little Miss' punitive father. Our case cannot continue until that one closes. One of three things can happen: 1) The "state" won't be able to find him to serve his subpoena, in which case, we'll be able to continue after a set period of time (I think 6-8 weeks), 2) He will show up for his hearing and, voluntarily, sign over his parental rights, or 3) He will request agency services.

If the third option actualizes, we could be in for the long haul. As he would be working on his parenting plan, we would have to bring Little Miss for weekly visits (up to three per week).

Sweet Boy's case will be on pause until Little Miss' has resolution, in the event that both siblings require adoption in the end; the state wants them to stay together.

I let all of this news ruin my day, when I received it last Wednesday...but I've since chosen to put it out of my mind. I can't control the process or the outcome; there's no sense in worrying about what could happen.

We believe the end result will be the same. Sweet Boy and Little Miss will become permanent members of our family. The unknown is how long we'll have to wait and how difficult the disruptions will be for our babies that already have fragile emotions.

Dealing with the flaws of the system is infuriating when you're the one living in the mud, doing your best to love these babies through the slow process of healing. More than anything, Sweet Boy needs assurance that he's not going anywhere. Forever needs definition. I hate that his case could be on hold for up to a year, on the outside chance that someone who has never interacted with his sister, decides he wants to be a father.

I am not against birth father rights, but in this case, Little Miss' dad is with her birth mom. He cannot claim ignorance of her existence and, in fact, has had multiple conversations with the case worker on what he needed to do to gain custody. It's not fair to either of my kids that the birth father is offered a chance to parent, nearly a year after his daughter's birth.

Apart from being forced into a relationship with a stranger, Little Miss will be oblivious to the process. Sweet Boy is the one who will suffer. It's frustrating.

All we can do is wait, patiently...and hopefully...for good news.

To be honest, our days are too busy to do much else!


  1. Praying for option one or two to become reality!!

  2. You and your husband remind me of this song so so much! Praying for you! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Hi-VMxT6fc&feature=kp

  3. Oh, my heart goes out to you. I wish there were more foster parents like you in the country! Stay patient. What you're doing really matters. It's making a difference. We had a foster boy at 5weeks - 6 months and my fears were so great (like yours but worse) that we found another foster family to take him because I couldn't cope with the possibility of him returning to a mother who never visited and had five other children. The "other" foster family lived in our same city and stayed in touch with us and ended up adopting our little guy. Long story, but a great one. Christopher is married now with his own son and doing well. You are making a difference. Stay focused on today and bringing joy as you do. Hugs.

  4. I'll be praying, we're 20 months into an excrutiating case that breaks my heart for these babies. We have the ability to cope, they do not. I love your heart and have loved reading your story as we live out ours, gleaning hope and reminding myself of what an awesome God we serve when it feels like I can go on no more.