We had a difficult weekend.
LJ is experiencing some processing challenges that can be frustrating on days when my patience is running thin. I feel good about the resources we have at hand and thank God for the support he's put in our life to help teach us how to address LJ's needs, best. I will talk about this more in coming blogs.
So, last night I sent LJ to his room for the second time over the same issue of disobedience. I asked him to sit in there for a few minutes to think about his behavior. Really, I needed a few moments to pray and gather my thoughts. I was out of answers and more than a little frustrated. The Holy Spirit came on me and breathed peace to my heart. I walked in and sat cross-legged on the floor and asked LJ to join me. His lower lip quivered as he looked at me with big, sad eyes.
Before I started talking, I had him take some big deep breaths with me. When he was relaxed, I, quietly, said, "Honey, do you know that I will always be your mommy...forever?
"And that daddy will by your daddy forever?"
"And that Ty will be your brother forever?"
"You are always going to be a part of this family and you will never have to move to a new home again." I went on to explain why his behavior was wrong and had him confirm his understanding by repeating what we went over.
As I stood up, I said, "Alright, let's go join daddy and Ty for dinner!" Before I could get to the door, LJ pulled on my arm and said, "Mama, I wanna do someth'n." I looked at him quizzically, not sure I heard what he said. He tugged on my hands and I saw that he wanted me to come back to the floor. As soon as I got to my knees, he wrapped his arms around my neck and crawled into my lap.
I forced a big lump in my throat and held him tight for a long time.
God is teaching me how to reach my son and his reassurance comes through pudgy hands and tight hugs. I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit's guidance, here. After six months, it's easy to forget that our son still needs continued confirmation of his place and identity in our family. I hate that LJ has deep layers of insecurity and sometimes wakes up with nightmares. I wish I could give him a re-do on life and let him start over in our family. I wish we could tell him about the day he was born and explain away his scars...but we can't.
We are forced to put our words into action. We show him our love in a safe, consistent, healthy way. Eventually, our practices will override his past and he'll fall into complete assurance. I pray for that day and all the days in-between.
God has special plans for this little boy...